Underage alcohol I don't mind, drunkenness at any age I do. I don't believe the alcohol will be properly supervised at this party so that's strike one.
Will the boys be sleeping over too? Mixed sleepovers in the teens... yes, I was doing that but TBH I wouldn't let my children unless I knew ALL the kids there. And there were seperate girls and boys rooms. And the parents were nearby. And everyone was sober or at the very least not drunk. In fact, I just wouldn't allow it. I know I did it but now I'm a parent it's different!
The third point is that you don't know the family. If my children were to sleep out I'd make sure I knew the family so I knew there stance on things like mixed sleepovers and alcohol. If I disagreed then no sleeping over. If I didn't know the family or wasn't comfortable asking about what's going on then no sleeping over.
You're right, the parents don't sound that responsible and I'd be worried too. I would never throw a teenage bash with alcohol (a quite meal with wine is one thing, a party with booze is another because even a responsible parent should know you CANNOT supervise this all the time... even as teenagers you can't supervise your friends properly, I know from experience in holding my mate's hair back from the loo at her party!), nor allow loads of unknown kids to sleep over. I'd rather my children and their friends be at my house with supervision and undrunk than me worry too.
I would pick her up, knowing that boys are going. I remember as a teenager what some parties were like and I am glad my parents picked me up in the end! I am sure you will make the right decision.
I'd sit her down & talk to her.
Maybe give her til 1 or 2 am & let her know you'd like to pick her up. Tell her it's not her you don't trust, it's the fact that people of ALL ages get silly when they drink, & you don't want to risk something happening to her, or her bf.
If she stays sober, she'll hopefully be tired by then anyway.
I personally am OK with maybe a drink on a special occasion under age, but not 'drinking'.
Just explainhow you feel. Let her know that 'yes it is more than likely everything will be fine, but there is still a chance a fight may break out or something & she may get hurt. You just don't want her to get hurt.
People turn on others for no reason when drinking.
I too would be inclined to pick her up, but like others have already said maybe a bit later. At least your DD told you that alcohol was going to be there, I think that certainly shows signs of maturity.
When I dropped her off I was glad I decided to pick her up. The house is right next door to a big park where the yobbos will occasionally go....
In any case she called me to say she wants to stay, apparently everyone is only watching movies and falling asleep right now. But Im standing firm. Maybe boys are not staying over as she txted back asking if her bff can stay here too. Since he is a boy, I am happy to drive him home he he he. We already had a very short conversation about bf's staying over, and even if Liam is not her bf, he is a boy and I'll never hear the end of it...
I went in the chat with the mum, and told her DD was not to be drinking and she was fine with that but I still question the reasoning behind booze at a 16th party.
I need evidence of a bit more maturity from here at home before I can give her that kind of trust. She has been a bit childish (well of course!) about not getting her own way recently, so we can work from there for the future.
Im finding it hard to parent her now as I've lost my yardstick. At her age Cyclone Lulu had already left home to live with her BF and his family so I didn't get parented from 16 or so. I didn't realise how much I relied on my parenting of me.....
You're doing a great job Lulu Sometimes it's good to break out of the mould, however difficult that may be, IYKWIM? Creating your own type of parenting might be a really good thing. And just think, by the time DD2 gets there, you'll be an old hand LOL! Good on you
I'm pretty disappointed actually. There were boys staying over, there were 14yos drinking (and I know the parents of this kid too and I wouldnt have thought they had that stance) with their parents permission.
One girl drank an entire bottle of champagne etc etc etc etc.
So alot less supervision than I would expect, but like I was hoping DD got some experience of seeing how foolish and unattractive it looks.
I still have battles ahead, but I didn't think I would be the LONE parent refusing to allow this "because everyone else does" .
You did the right thing. Things are just so much more different now to what they were when we were doing this. She will thank you for all this one day - maybe not in the next 2 or 3 years but certainly one day she will.
You did good luce. And she is a very mature girl. You give her the right amount of trust and I think thats perfect. I would be pretty disgusted at the mother to allow such goings on. The poor kids of us hooligans they will be lucky to get away with anything I even have chats now with Paris at 6 about how appropriate certain behaviour it is and how dangerous other behaviour is. She'll tell anyone who asks how dangerous it is for teenagers to drink LOL lets hope it stays in her brain whilst she's got hormones and peer pressure to deal with And I can only hope that Paris and I will have the lines of communication as open as yours and your DD. You did good mumma real good!
Well, Im not trying to start an argument this is just an opinion (even though you know that anyway lulu cause i love you to pieces). I was a responsible teenager when it came to alcohol. My parents let me drink from a young age ( only like one vodka cruiser on a friday night if a friend was staying over) but they did know that I went to parties where there would be alcohol, sometimes parents present, other times not. I've said this before time and time again, imho and also from experience, it's always the kids who are forbidden from drinking which wipe themselves out at parties compared to the minority of us who were allowed to drink by the trust of our parents. When you are a teenager and your told no it makes you want to do it much more lol i think we can all relate to that at one point or another. Anyway I digress, if your daughter is like you lulu, I trust that she will do the right thing and not drink, and I think that because your trusting her to do this she will stick by her word so that she can go to parties in the future. But if you really are that concerned about the sleeping over part pick her up. But don't give it a time limit iykwim. Cause she might react to the whole 'curfew' idea as you not trusting her. Im sure it would be about 1-2am when the party dies down that she will want to be picked up. Just get her to call you when your ready, although no body wants to get out of bed at that time in the morning it's better that you have your piece of mind iykwim. Best of luck i know she will be fine after all she's YOUR daughter. xoxoxox
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Sometimes it's good to break out of the mould, however difficult that may be, IYKWIM? Creating your own type of parenting might be a really good thing. And just think, by the time DD2 gets there, you'll be an old hand LOL! Good on you 
.
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