Hey Samm,
Seems things are settling for you a little. Just be true to yourself in whatever decision you make. Have no regrets. Feel comfort in the fact that the people who love you will support you.
I've just found out that i'm 7 weeks pregnant and going to be doing the parenting thing alone - my now ex - who dumped me the day after i told him is hinting that he doesn't want any involvement. I've just been reading these posts in regards to the BC and i found it to be quite helpful. Thanx - it's a big comfort being able to read stuff and talk to other people in similar situations cause i'm sooo scared.
alleykat, trust me i know the feeling. At the moment i am going between feeling great i made my choice and being nice and relaxed to absolutely scared out of my wits about having a little bub to look after. For me it will be huge lifestyle change as i all i have been doing (well maybe not all )is studying and working. So now i'll have to give up my study for a year and go back to work after 3 months when this little treasure arrives. The i'm sure i'll be asking for advice to deal with the guilt of leaving bub to go back to work.. All in the future so i'm takng one step at a time. The advice and support here is lovely - here is can say i let go of the brave face and admit that i am terrified & excited. But let me say no-one tells you how sore your groin gets and how tired you get!!!
Hey there, I thought I might throw my two bobs in. I went on to this site when I first found out I was pregnant to a friend who lives overseas. I live in Australia and he lives in Europe. We have known each other for three years and have always stayed in contact. We had a fling three years ago and I spent a month with him over there after he was here. We kept in contact and he was here over the summer and we had another fling and I got pregnant. I'm 39 and it was very unexpected and a real shock to me.
I know what you are going through. He wanted me to have an abortion and he wasn't so calm about it. He told me it was going to ruin his life, he is an adventurer of sorts and never wanted kids. In the end he said he knew he had to respect my decision and hoped I would respect his thoughts on it but he was getting quite mad with me so I decided to not respond to his last email which was about four or five months ago and I haven't heard from him since. Like you I felt I just couldn't deal with the stress of dealing with him. He was making me quite upset.
So I'm at almost 30 weeks now and still have moments where I look down at my large belly and still can't believe there is a baby in there. I'm okay with doing this on my own for the most part. I found the first three months the hardest so far. The second trimester is most certainly the 'honeymoon' part and my emotions were very level during this stage. I am sad that there is no father to share in this amazing experience but I am also excited now about becoming a mother. I was/am an adventurer traveller type myself and didn't expect to be having children either but it is a gift.
I think you might be doing the right thing avoiding contact for a while cause the most important thing right now is to reduce your stress. If he is stressing you out then don't have contact with him for a while.
My approach is that I am doing this alone, he can contact me if he wants but I'm not going to try to contact him. I will never say anything bad about him to my son and when my son is old enough he can then perhaps be in contact with the dad and maybe they can have a relationship when he is older. But yes it is more challenging when dad lives on the other side of the world.
If you want to chat at all or be in contact with someone going through the same experience feel free to email me at mozza68@hotmail.com
You sound like you know what you need to do and you are going to be fine...more than fine. Congratulations!
I'm in similar basket, I really agonised over the fact that the fertiliser was unwilling. I was and still am upset that he couldn't just say "O.K". When you are searching for peace, look for it in the 'things I can't control' folder. Distance is the safest bet. You are in two different places about this and right now you have inly enough space to look after you and the babe. He's an adult and can look after himself. Dont write things or say things you might regret - write them but DONT send them, they will haunt you and you WILL be emotional about this. acknowlege what he has to say, but dont let him drum you over the head with his opinion, get the gist, then GET OUT of there. I've had 2 experiences with 2 different men 'friends', unfortunately I miscarried one AND I let him get under my skin about HIS pain. You know you are on your own now, get the support from ANYWHERE and EVEYWHERE EXCEPT HIM, the dissapointment can be excruciating. They joy of parenting is sublime. Life gives just as it takes away, try not to mourn what you don't have and stay focussed on ALL the POSITIVES. I'm cheering for you!
Hoping life is being kind to you. We seem to cut this guy a lot of slack. Is he worthy of it? Just thinking out loud!
Wait til you hold your bub in your arms and all the hastle will just melt away. I have not one single regret about having my DD. It is 99.9% fantastic. Happy to answer any questions you may have. Feel free to Pm me.
Take Care.
Hello there!
It's been a while since i've last posted - sorry!! I've asked the Dad to let me deal with it in peace and to his credit he has. No Jmumm - he was and still actaully good about this and has never forced his view - so i've cut him some slack but i've also kept it open ended in case he changes his mind later down the track.But it's all very peaceful without me worrying about him as well.
Well i'm now officially 11 weeks and 5 days with my due date being March 1. First sight of bub was scary but beautiful and it looks like everything is ok.get te results of tests etc on Saturday. Bub loved the camera apparently at at this early stage looks like a DS. My mum and sister in law are elated and basically do everything for me - so i doubt i'll need to do all that much!!!
All i can say at the moment is thank goodness for the Elevit as i was exhausted up until last weekend when one of my friends recommended me to take it. A god send!!!!
I am starting to get excited - especailly now i've actually seen pic's & tonight after getting pampered at the hairdressers - i feel fab!!i figured if i am going to be a mum i may as well look great and be the mum withthe funky coloured hair and cut!!!
Thanks everyone for their great advice & support - it's certainly helped make the thought struggle easier!!!
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)is studying and working. So now i'll have to give up my study for a year and go back to work after 3 months when this little treasure arrives. The i'm sure i'll be asking for advice to deal with the guilt of leaving bub to go back to work.. All in the future so i'm takng one step at a time. The advice and support here is lovely - here is can say i let go of the brave face and admit that i am terrified & excited. But let me say no-one tells you how sore your groin gets and how tired you get!!!
My mum and sister in law are elated and basically do everything for me - so i doubt i'll need to do all that much!!!
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