Brand new single parent

[Bathsheba]

Oh Baby Socks Vicky is right... just take each day as it comes and pray for some help because I couldn't imagine how hard it would be with a baby by yourself. My mum and dad separated when I was older and she went straight into another bad relationship and kept doing that over and over ... because she was lonely. I agree, it can be worse being in a bad r/ship than being by your own.... trust me! Maybe list some positives: you're not fighting infront of your baby, you're not having to to pick up his mess or have a meal ready at a certain time? You WILL find someone better to share your life with darl... believe that... just see this as a re-adjustment time. You need to stop and think about what you REALLY want in a lifelong partner... maybe that's a subject for another list. Yes! this is your venting thread... we're here to listen :hugs:

[Melly01]

Bathsheba & Vicky are right.. I know I haven't posted in this thread before but you need to realise that it wasn't you that was in the wrong it was him. Just cherish this time with your daughter, you may feel alone, but you'll always have her. I know it's hard but you need to try to look at the positive. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, so not nearly the same as yours but I got out when DS was 5months old & his father was fighting with me, I burst in to tears & DS looked at me and started crying too. I realised if I am not happy how am I supposed to help DS be happy too?

Are you going to a counsellor or something, like you said you might? is that helping at all? Maybe you could also try to find a mothers group or something like that nearby that you & your daughter can go to.. or something like a baby swimming class or kindagym if you can afford it. I have taken DS to swimming lessons since he was 6 months, it's a good time for us to get out and do something together and I get to have some adult conversation, even if it is very brief. Plus I feel like I am doing some exercise, which helps when I am feeling low. All the walking around in the water & lifting DS sure does feel like a mini workout some days.

You are so strong for getting out and doing all of what you're doing on your own. I know it is very hard and it can get lonely but you have done the best thing for yourself & your daughter. as Dr Phil says "It is better to be from a broken home than in a broken home." (Yeah kind of lame but that is what I keep telling myself when I doubt my decision or things get too stressful/lonely )

[Lilly-Pilly]

Yep, its hard, its certainly one of the harder things i've ever had to do! Put being a parent in general can be hard, single, partnered, whatever the situation. Its still early days yet and its normal to still be a bit uneasy about it all. But as time goes by you'll realise just how strong a person you are and just how fantastic life can be.

Sometimes you don't really find out much about yourself and your inner strength until you are pushed to do it. Spend some time concerntrating on yourself and your little girl and before you know it you'll be enjoying everything alot more.

Just remember that if you stayed with an abusive partner you re teaching your daughter that it is okay to be treated that way. She'll grow up thinking it is normal and ok for Daddy to hit mummy and imagine how you would feel if you knew some guy was beating up on your daughter.

It takes so much strength to get up and leave, you're doing a fantastic job considering all you've been through.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Thanks, ladies <333

Things have been so damn hard lately, but my parents are helping out a lot more (more or less because its obvious that i've started falling apart at the seams!), so i've been able to sleep more and that's made a big difference. I haven't organized any counseling, I don't think it's really possible. It means fi nding someone to look after Aurelia, plus transport - both of which are problematic. >.<

[fionas]

BabySocks I know things seem tough right now but I just wanted to tell you that I think you've been AMAZINGLY strong with all the stuff you've got on your plate. It takes a lot of strength to leave a bad relationship especially dealing with all the confusing feelings AND having a baby to look after.

Don't rule out counselling just yet - you could take Aurelia with you maybe. I know that doesn't solve the problem of transport but could you get your parents to drive you? Failing that, perhaps see if there's any phone helplines you could ring just when you need a bit of support or just a kind voice to listen.

[Melly01]

Baby Socks, I know Burnside has a "new steps" home visiting service where a social worker/counsellour type person will come to your house and talk to you for an hour or so a week. It was fantastic for me, the lady who visited me was amazing. She took Logan & I out for lunch a couple of times and even covered part of my dentist bill once, all paid for by burnside. Without that service I never would have done a bridging course to get in to uni, and they even provided a volunteer who would drive me & logan to uni once a week so she could look after him while I studied. They supported me when i finally managed to break up with Logans father for good & I am still in contact with them now even though I am not a client of Burnside anymore. I don't know where abouts in Australia you are but maybe another service like that is available near you.

Or you could call the Domestic Violence Helpline if you feel you need to desperately talk to someone, they should also be able to get you in touch with other services in your area.

I am glad your parents are helping you a lot.

Just remember whatever you decide to do, you are so strong already for all the things you have done for youself & your daughter. I really admire your strength.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Thanks, ladies.
I called the womens DV helpline a few times when I was still with my ex, but all they did was made me feel guilty and stupid for being with him, and talk a whole lot without actually letting me talk. So I've kind of given up on them to be honest.

I do want to do counseling at some point, I will eventually. Just right now I feel like i've already got a lot going on (though of course counseling may help that feeling but i don't know lol).

Thanks <3