Thanks, ladies.
I called the womens DV helpline a few times when I was still with my ex, but all they did was made me feel guilty and stupid for being with him, and talk a whole lot without actually letting me talk. So I've kind of given up on them to be honest.

I do want to do counseling at some point, I will eventually. Just right now I feel like i've already got a lot going on (though of course counseling may help that feeling but i don't know lol).

Thanks <3