You are certainly in a really really tough spot.

My experience has been to try to work out the problems in our relationship, but this is only working because we both really want to make it work. We have been going though rocky patches on and off for years due to the high stress job of DH. The 'accidental' arrival of DD a year ago certainly highlighted issues within our relationship and things were certainly getting pretty difficult between us.

I organised starting some counseling and thankfully DH came along, I don't think he realised what our problems were or how bad they were so he was a bit shocked, but he did participate and we are working through them.

I relate to what you say about blow ups, being really hurt and needing to take time to 'get over it', however by the sounds of that, getting over it is something you are having to do on your own... and that doesn't sound like a 'relationship' especially when there are two people involved in the 'blow up"' and one involved in the 'recovery'. I don't think you should feel guilty for talking about your situation and definitely not feel guilt about seeking counseling support. In my opinion that is a very very positive step. You are doing such a good thing for yourself, your child and your relationship to acknowledge the issues and by doing something constructive about it.

Maybe counseling will be really positive and help you heal, help you see things in a different perspective and give you the tools to approach your DH in another way which opens the door to him beginning to understand your needs. Maybe it will help you work things out or maybe it will help you decide that you can't and that you need to end the relationship.

I hope you find the answers you need. Both paths are difficult ones, just remember 2 people need to work at making a relationship work.