Failure

[sahbear]

Have been thinking about you all day.

Hope you got to your GP, and have some support around you.

[Jellyfish]

Thinking of you PZ xo

[nurseymum]

Thinking of you hun
It's often not quite the fairytale we think it's going to be, but know that you are never alone on this truly bumpy path that is motherhood. The road is well worn (have left my own marks - trust me)... Hope you know deep down just what a great job you are doing, and that there is someone close by to give you real hugs

[Gigi]

PZ, did you to get into see your GP? Hope today has been better xx

me too, hope you don't feel like you're being stalked! just thinking of you, and hoping you're feeling a bit better

[Miss.B]

PZ, I'm so sorry again that you're going through such a horrid, hard time ATM, but please reach out and get the help that you need. Big hugs hun, thinking of you

[PumpkinZulu]

I didn't. I couldn't get an appointment with my doctor until late in the week. I did talk to my mum about it all though. Felt good to get it off my cheat and know she's here for me.

Speaking of here for me. I've had so many kind and beautiful offers of company and visits from so many of you! Haven't taken anyone up on it yet Believe it or not I can get quite shy sometimes. But I'm going to try putting myself out there more. Thankyou all so much though, all of you There have been a few huge things happen in the last 24 hours with myself and DH...I'm still very confused and in two minds about it all...but I think that's all for another thread perhaps!

I'm not feeling like such a failure today. I *am* a good mum. My daughter is thriving on the breastmilk I fought so hard to provide her with, she's gorgeous and happy as can be. Today I played with her, cuddled and loved her. I'm not a failure, even though sometimes I feel like it.

[*TripleJ*]

you are awesome =]

[OceanPrincess]

Aww yay for having a better day.

So glad you feel the love coming at you from here.

WRT Hubby (not sure which pronoun to use, D or X or what!) it's ok to be confused. Not nice, but I think to be expected. Take your time, go slowly and work out what is best for you and your gorgeous girl.

[PumpkinZulu]

Sometimes he's XH, sometimes DH and sometimes just plain ****er Argh. I don't know what I'd do without y'all, honestly I don't.

[Gigi]

You are feeding her with breastshields aren't you PZ? Cos i'm assuming, you only use a breastshield, if feeding from the breast is not happening. I've never bf with shields, but i'm assuming, it's a bit harder, you have to get used to doing it with accessories, so right there, that makes me think - you hit a challenge, you didn't give up, you found an alternate way and have and are giving that your all. Just so Isla gets her liquid gold. Not everyone would and could do that.

Isla will never remember, when she's an adult, the state of your home, how many times she got pushed around the block, but she WILL have better health chances, because of your choice to perservere with bf-ing her.

When she grows up, she will understand, how hard it must have been, for you to leave your partner and move house, with a nb baby - that is a massive thing to do.

There are the bare basics in life
- you both get fed (you have LnE organised, she has bm)
- you both get cleaned
- you need clothing to wear (and launder)
- she needs you to manage her outputs, deal with the nappies
- you both need love and human touch (cuddles)
i'm guessing you already meet all these basic needs for I and yourself, so in my book, you're doing the most important stuff.

Many things you can avoid in this time, of feeling like you're not coping
- paper plates to use for now, to save washing up
- think about shopping online for groceries, if going shopping is too much right now
- ask your X or mum to clean your wet areas (bathroom, loo, kitchen) once a week for you, for the next month (unless you can stretch to a cleaner)

(i did none of these when i had PND, i was too overwhelmed to even think of these solutions, i can only think of them now, cos it's been years since i had a nb, and i've since met and talked with many women who have had PND, and they shared what got them thru - the paper plates made me LOL - i always had paper plates in the house, never thought to use them at the time, just got more and more depressed by every kitchen counter being covered in dishes needing to be washed, cos i was too unwell at the time, to even stand up in the kitchen and do anything.)

i am so impressed that you, even when feeling down, can come up with solutions like the L and E one. Instead of living on weetbix and iced coffee for the first year, like i stupidly did.

You are stronger than you know PZ.

[PumpkinZulu]

Gigi, feeding started off really well in hospy...then at home declined. Went from me desperately hand expressing onto a spoon (all I could get) and feeding DD like that because she refused to attach, to hand expressing into a medicine cup, to pumping and the medicine cup, pumping and bottles to the nipple shield. I'm only now feeling 'safe' enough to try some feeds without the shield, and she's actually getting half a feed without it before she needs it back. So we're getting there. I am really proud of myself for persevering. The number of times I was seconds away from going out and buying formula, being in tears because DD just wouldn't eat. My milk didn't come in until day 6...it was tough. On Friday we did an ABA photoshoot for their next addition of breastfeeding naturally, showing how to use the shield. We've come a long way. Thankyou so much for encouraging and reassuring me

The paper plates is a fabbo idea! Wow, that will save my sanity heaps. I can't believe I didnt consider that.

[Gigi]

wow, you have been thru the wringer with establishing bf-ing! i remember hearing women (with stories like yours) speaking at the local ABA group, i went along while pregnant, to hear what bf-ing was like.

Not having your milk come in until the sixth day, wow, that must have messed with your head - wondering if your body would ever start producing milk, wow. I was shocked when mine came in, i didn't believe it would happen, until it actually did. Felt like a miracle to me. Felt like a miracle when she suckled. I never took for granted, that any of it would "just happen", just so grateful that it happened for us (with some work).

That is a huge, selfless gift that you have given Isla.

woot for the half breast feeds without shields, you are achieving now, that's obviously a huge achievement. It's a big skill to learn, both for your baby, and for you. I struggled to "get it" for the first four months, and we hit four months, for no obvious reason, she suddenly got it, i suddenly got it - it was fine from then on. Until she got teeth, and then i had to re-learn all the positioning stuff that i had been told, but didn't really take in, back then. aba advice everytime, kept us going, no matter what happened. I loved finding ESSENCE in my postbox every two months, i would read it cover to cover, 100% stories from bf-ing mums, all talking about many bf-ing issues that i actually went thru at some time during our bf-ing journey. And even the stories about things that DIDN"T happen to us, i liked reading them, because it prepared me, for if they DID happen. It normalised the bf-ing experience, cos i didn't get to see many bf-ing mums IRL, i was usually the only mum bf-ing wherever we were. I loved having the ABA calendar on my kitchen wall, where i could see those positive, beautiful bf-ing photos every day, it buoyed me up, reminded me of what i believed in.

You will do that too, for other women, when your shield photo is in that aba book, your photo will help other women in that position.

[Asparagus and Lemons]

Thinking of you xx

[Nai]

Big hug

Your mum is there for you so lean on her. You are a good mum - don't lose sight of all the things you have been through to give your bubba girl the best start in life. And when you are ready take up those offers of company from your BB support crew!

[Butterfly Dawn]

Gigi- Love the paper plate idea- really that is legend!

PZ U are awsome hun. You are reallt doing hardwork at the mo, all the hardest stuff at once- new baby, new house and relationship stuff.
Im so proud of you and I think a lot of other here are too.

Take your time with hubby, no need to rush anything there.
Remeber to take time to do something for yourself everyday

And breathe so often we forget to. A few big cleansing breaths does wonders.

[Mad Scientist]

So glad that yesterday was better. I can hear in your words that things have improved. Your daughter has a wonderful mummy x