how can fathers be so heartless?

[widdly]

So, Arch hasn't seen his father for a week, he finally sees him and spends the day with him, and wants to spend the night with him desperately, but NO, his father is too busy drinking with his mate, he refuses to let Archie stay the night. Archie was ready for bed any way, all he had to do was put him in bed, but NO, too freakin selfish. Archie was beside himself.

I felt so bad for Arch, how can a father just not give a *****

So, Arch is staying with his father for 2 nights starting tomorrow. I have XH computer and wireless internet atm, I am going to be evil and take it home with me and then forget to give it back on wednesday Suck that! He will be lost without the internet, darn selfish pr!ck, GGRRRRRRRR!!!!

[*Elle*]

naawww poor little man, thats so awful, I agree I dont know how his father could be so heartless, that was a really unfair thing to do to his son, I wouldnt give back his net etc either LOL

[Lulu]

He is punishing you.

Don't let it get to you (it's a CRAPOLA thing to do though), don't get on his back about it so he knows it doesn't work.
Protect Archie, tell him daddy was tired and then go stick pins in all the pics of exH.....

[widdly]

thanks guys

lu, thanks for the advice, he is such a ****! Archie actually said to me through his tears, "I just want my daddy to love me". It just ripped through my heart

[Lulu]

daddy does love you *make all the excuses in the world and look like you mean it*

A GF said that to me once - 'wait till he realises you aren't coming back then watch how much he f**cks the kids around". And it was true. So I didn't let it get to us both and exH came right around realising he was missing her - nothing to do with me and me leaving.

If you can - try to draw in the greatest MUMMYness you have in you, and that is to protect your baby. This actually means that you will have to go against what you feel like doing (smacking the tool over the head).
When you talk to him about Archie - pump him up about how important his is as a father, how Archie thinks he is the greatest and how he looks forward to seeing him, how he wants ONLY daddy to do certain things etc etc etc.

This must be done without guilt tripping (even though the **** deserves it), give him confidence, let him know NO ONE can replace him and he is one little boys HERO.

Cos then he will be.

xoxoxo

[Floweryfields]

TBH if ex was drinking with his mate, I don't think it would've been the best environment to leave your son with him anyway, even if he was going straight to bed. It stinks that he isn't more responsible, but some me just are....

[rfm08]

thanks guys

"I just want my daddy to love me". It just ripped through my heart

Your heart wasnt the only one ripped through,,,i read that just then...your poor little man, a child should never have to say that big hugs to you and your boy

[widdly]

thanks lulu, that is exactly what I have been doing as hard as it is. I make sure Archie is never around when I talk about XH. I know what it was like for me when Mum left Dad, he was awful always calling her names to us and it really had an awful effect on my childhood, I dont want that for Arch. I realise that all I can do is be the absolute best Mum I can be and hope like heck that XH decides to be a decent Father.

ausgirl, I agree, I would never leave him with a drunken Father, but he is staying at my Uncle's house so I knew my Aunt was there anyway so he would have ben perfectly safe and looked after.

rfm, thanks hun x

Maybe I shouldn't have, but I sent him a text last night telling him what Archie said about loveing him, I thought he needed to know the effect he is having on his baby boy.

[Trillian]

Lulu summed it up pretty well hun - it isn't anything to do with Archie at all. FWIW though, I'm 31 and still trying to work out why my Dad is STILL a jackass to us after all these years All you can do is keep making the excuses so he never sees you saying a bad thing about him, but come in here tell us what you wish you could tell him - it could be quite cathartic for you

I hope he's OK now and that you don't ever have to hear him say anything like that ever again

[Epacris]

Lulu has given you such great advice. Be strong for your DS and vent in here as much as you need to. Lots and lots of hugs to you from me

Your XH is a knob!!!

[Inanna]

Awww honey that's awful...

Lulu has given you the best advice (I tried repping her but I had to spread the love...)

This is about punishment, immaturity and "twatdom"...

I am just so sorry that little Archie is a pawn in the game.

Sending you masses of hugs and love...

[~Kim~]

He's a tool Elissa, I nearly cried when I read that.....
Poor little guy.
Well done Babe, you are doing so well.

[Inertia]

Sadly, Fathers do not really realise what they are doing to themselves or their children in situations like this. They are utterly oblivious that in their silly attempts at "hurting" the ex, they only people they are hurting are themselves and their kids.

My XH was a card for that. Has eventually proven himself to be a complete tool for it too. His clever idea was he didnt want anything to do with the kids. How is that punishing me? If you can follow this to logic then you are better than me because I still can't see how it works. See apparently by having nothing to do with the kids, I'd just be stuck at home watching them - then I couldn't meet anyone, so I'd be a lonely old maid with two kids that had to watch him run around with his new girlfriend.

Of course, this is completely forgetting I had a support network the size of a high school classroom. And in his haste to hurt me, he signed himself out of their lives. Granted, I took full advantage of his stupidity and spite, but I had to protect my kids and ensure that I could provide for them properly. So I told him I wouldnt go for any property if he gave me full custody without interference (see, apparently I'd also have nothing as well as being a lonely old lady with a million cats) which meant I could leave the state and go back to my family where I could best provide for my kids.

Now he has really lost because I am not lonely, I have everything I need - so I am not being punished at all. He however has no relationship with his kids because he made absolutely no effort to maintain one. Now they have a father whom they love and looks after them as if they were his own - and he is the only one being punished now.

Which he fully deserves for what he did to his kids out of spite.

Hopefully your XH will come around before he does irrepairable damage to his relationship with his son. But you need to carry on in the best interests of your son around his pettiness. I have never spoken a bad word about my XH in front of my kids, and I never will. They came to their own conclusion that they are uninterested in him when they never even got a card for their birthday - something that has continued for 9 years now. It may well be 10 years very soon. But it doesn't hurt them anymore because of the love and support of me, my family and my husband. Let him know he is loved by you and let those around you show them they love and care for him too, and it will help to outweigh any hurt he feels.

[littlelara]

Oh, your poor little boy, my heart broke when I read your post.
Lu is right, and it sounds like she knows her stuff.
Karma is a b, love, his time will come.
Stay strong, hugs to you both xox

[widdly]

trillian - yep, my parents split up when i was 12 and my Dad was and is a jack ass too, I just ant believe XH is acting so much like him

rachel - thanks for acknowledging that XH is a knob, gave me a nice giggle

mistree - i think my XH is taking it as a guilt trip too

flowerchild - thanks for the hugs and love x

kim - thanks for the confidence boost hun x (and yep he is a MAJOR tool!)

inertia - i am sorry your kids have had to experience such a cr@ppy father, sounds like you have done wonderfully in life since leaving him, your kids are so lucky to have a new loving and caring Dad. I refuse to speak ill of XH in front of Archie, I know how much that hurts, my Dad did it when Mum divorced him.

lara - thanks for the hugs x I am quite sure that Karma will bite him on the bum when Arch gets to an age where he realises what his Dad is really like

The response I got from the text message was complete hatred. I dropped Archie off to him that next day and XH wouldn't look at me, he just grunted! About half hour before I left I told him Arch had a poo nappy (Arch has had a red raw bum this week), when I left half an hour later Archie was still playing in the backyard with his pooey nappy on!!! XH would have been not changing the nappy to punish me???WTF! I HATE him, how dare he treat my son like this!

Also when I left XH tol me that Arch needs to be picked up from his house at 2pm tomorrow. XH lives an hour away and he expects me to drive the whole way to pick DS up....I dont think so, I think meeting half way will be much more fair to everyone. XH will keep up even more of a stink when I disobey him tomorrow. Gosh, we are separaated and he wtill think he has control over me?

I think there is definately a very rocky road ahead for me where XH is concerned, I just hope like anything that XH doesn't bad mouth me in front of Arch and that he stops using Archie t punish me

[Epacris]

Oh darling thinking of you

And a hug for you too mis_tree

[widdly]

mistree - thanks for the advice, sounds very good.

thanks Rachel

Well, I told him this arvo via text message that I would meet him halfway to pick up Archie. T my surprise he sent me a nice message back and also sent an extra message telling me how badly Arch has missed me. Seems XH has thought about it and realised he was in the wrong, he tends to do that react first and think later. Just glad I dont have to have it affect my life too much now that I hve left him

[Footsteps]

hows everything going now hun??
hugs to you and the little man...he will see it himself one day.
xox