Sadly, Fathers do not really realise what they are doing to themselves or their children in situations like this. They are utterly oblivious that in their silly attempts at "hurting" the ex, they only people they are hurting are themselves and their kids.
My XH was a card for that. Has eventually proven himself to be a complete tool for it too. His clever idea was he didnt want anything to do with the kids. How is that punishing me? If you can follow this to logic then you are better than me because I still can't see how it works. See apparently by having nothing to do with the kids, I'd just be stuck at home watching them - then I couldn't meet anyone, so I'd be a lonely old maid with two kids that had to watch him run around with his new girlfriend.
Of course, this is completely forgetting I had a support network the size of a high school classroom. And in his haste to hurt me, he signed himself out of their lives. Granted, I took full advantage of his stupidity and spite, but I had to protect my kids and ensure that I could provide for them properly. So I told him I wouldnt go for any property if he gave me full custody without interference (see, apparently I'd also have nothing as well as being a lonely old lady with a million cats) which meant I could leave the state and go back to my family where I could best provide for my kids.
Now he has really lost because I am not lonely, I have everything I need - so I am not being punished at all. He however has no relationship with his kids because he made absolutely no effort to maintain one. Now they have a father whom they love and looks after them as if they were his own - and he is the only one being punished now.
Which he fully deserves for what he did to his kids out of spite.
Hopefully your XH will come around before he does irrepairable damage to his relationship with his son. But you need to carry on in the best interests of your son around his pettiness. I have never spoken a bad word about my XH in front of my kids, and I never will. They came to their own conclusion that they are uninterested in him when they never even got a card for their birthday - something that has continued for 9 years now. It may well be 10 years very soon. But it doesn't hurt them anymore because of the love and support of me, my family and my husband. Let him know he is loved by you and let those around you show them they love and care for him too, and it will help to outweigh any hurt he feels.
Oh, your poor little boy, my heart broke when I read your post.
Lu is right, and it sounds like she knows her stuff.
Karma is a b, love, his time will come.
Stay strong, hugs to you both xox
trillian - yep, my parents split up when i was 12 and my Dad was and is a jack ass too, I just ant believe XH is acting so much like him
rachel - thanks for acknowledging that XH is a knob, gave me a nice giggle
mistree - i think my XH is taking it as a guilt trip too
flowerchild - thanks for the hugs and love x
kim - thanks for the confidence boost hun x (and yep he is a MAJOR tool!)
inertia - i am sorry your kids have had to experience such a cr@ppy father, sounds like you have done wonderfully in life since leaving him, your kids are so lucky to have a new loving and caring Dad. I refuse to speak ill of XH in front of Archie, I know how much that hurts, my Dad did it when Mum divorced him.
lara - thanks for the hugs x I am quite sure that Karma will bite him on the bum when Arch gets to an age where he realises what his Dad is really like
The response I got from the text message was complete hatred. I dropped Archie off to him that next day and XH wouldn't look at me, he just grunted! About half hour before I left I told him Arch had a poo nappy (Arch has had a red raw bum this week), when I left half an hour later Archie was still playing in the backyard with his pooey nappy on!!! XH would have been not changing the nappy to punish me???WTF! I HATE him, how dare he treat my son like this!
Also when I left XH tol me that Arch needs to be picked up from his house at 2pm tomorrow. XH lives an hour away and he expects me to drive the whole way to pick DS up....I dont think so, I think meeting half way will be much more fair to everyone. XH will keep up even more of a stink when I disobey him tomorrow. Gosh, we are separaated and he wtill think he has control over me?
I think there is definately a very rocky road ahead for me where XH is concerned, I just hope like anything that XH doesn't bad mouth me in front of Arch and that he stops using Archie t punish me
mistree - thanks for the advice, sounds very good.
thanks Rachel
Well, I told him this arvo via text message that I would meet him halfway to pick up Archie. T my surprise he sent me a nice message back and also sent an extra message telling me how badly Arch has missed me. Seems XH has thought about it and realised he was in the wrong, he tends to do that react first and think later. Just glad I dont have to have it affect my life too much now that I hve left him
things are okay, I still have some pretty emotional times though of course. XH is over in New Zealand living it up atm. Apparently he is coming to have DS for "as long as he can" next week. He knows he can have DS whenever he likes, but he likes to make other people think that he isnt able to see DS much. Im over his little games trying to get people on his side.
Other than that, I am loving life and loving making my own decisions and stuff. I just hope he really does make an effort to spend time with DS.
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