Sadly, Fathers do not really realise what they are doing to themselves or their children in situations like this. They are utterly oblivious that in their silly attempts at "hurting" the ex, they only people they are hurting are themselves and their kids.

My XH was a card for that. Has eventually proven himself to be a complete tool for it too. His clever idea was he didnt want anything to do with the kids. How is that punishing me? If you can follow this to logic then you are better than me because I still can't see how it works. See apparently by having nothing to do with the kids, I'd just be stuck at home watching them - then I couldn't meet anyone, so I'd be a lonely old maid with two kids that had to watch him run around with his new girlfriend.

Of course, this is completely forgetting I had a support network the size of a high school classroom. And in his haste to hurt me, he signed himself out of their lives. Granted, I took full advantage of his stupidity and spite, but I had to protect my kids and ensure that I could provide for them properly. So I told him I wouldnt go for any property if he gave me full custody without interference (see, apparently I'd also have nothing as well as being a lonely old lady with a million cats) which meant I could leave the state and go back to my family where I could best provide for my kids.

Now he has really lost because I am not lonely, I have everything I need - so I am not being punished at all. He however has no relationship with his kids because he made absolutely no effort to maintain one. Now they have a father whom they love and looks after them as if they were his own - and he is the only one being punished now.

Which he fully deserves for what he did to his kids out of spite.

Hopefully your XH will come around before he does irrepairable damage to his relationship with his son. But you need to carry on in the best interests of your son around his pettiness. I have never spoken a bad word about my XH in front of my kids, and I never will. They came to their own conclusion that they are uninterested in him when they never even got a card for their birthday - something that has continued for 9 years now. It may well be 10 years very soon. But it doesn't hurt them anymore because of the love and support of me, my family and my husband. Let him know he is loved by you and let those around you show them they love and care for him too, and it will help to outweigh any hurt he feels.