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Thread: I don't know how to move out

  1. #37

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    IT might be worth going to the department of housing and see if they might be able to assist. Do you have any other family that could help out?.


  2. #38

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    Hey mummycate,

    I am assuming you are in ryde in sydney? well, if so, honestly i would be looking for a studio for you and your little one for now, till you get what you need and get on your feet. When i was in your shoes i was very lucky and had a good friend who wanted to share, so we got a decent place. But rent is soooo expensive in sydney - have a look on realestate.com.au. The department of community housing will also pay for half of your bond if you are eligilbe - which i assume you are. And you should be able to get an advance on your FTB.
    Wishing you well, its horrible to be there but one day everything does get soooooo much better. I know, i have ben there.

    BIg huge hugs xx

  3. #39
    mummycate Guest

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    I have the forms to fill out for department of housing and for community housing. Terry is really driving me nuts. He's really pushing me to go to as many inspections as I can, and atm, there is one I could afford, and therefore about 20 other people will apply. Now tomorrow I have to do some shopping and then I have my work Xmas party. He's really pushy. Even saying he'll get me some boxes from work so I can start packing. Good Idea :eyesroll: Now instead of having my stuff in different locations (shelves etc) I'll have empty shelves and half a dozen boxes. It won't take me long to pack. This housing thing is going to take a while and he's being really pushy. I keep telling him to back off. We live in so much tension now. I can't stand it here. And I already am looking hard for property but I also work 3x 9hrs a week and only have 2-3 days to look at the 3 or so properties that I can afford. There isn't much I can afford.

  4. #40

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    What a tool he is!
    Crossing fingers for a nice place. Are you paying rent to Terry or his parents now??

  5. #41
    mummycate Guest

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    Not paying rent. Which is good. Its just the further west I go, its cheaper, yet I already take 2 buses to get to work (first one I get off early to get another that goes closer to work, rather than walking). So I don't want to make it so hard on myself. He brought home boxes. Nice. They'll sit there empty. Because I don't want empty shelves and have to find space for these boxes.

  6. #42

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    Throw the stupid boxes in the backyard. Tell him you'll move out when you are ready.
    Can you move in with your "friend" for now and get rid of the stress?
    Lucky for terry boy you don't live here - I'd be happy to come slap him with my trusty frypan.

  7. #43
    mummycate Guest

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    I'd love to move in with a friend but I need to able to get to work easily and also, we need room for El for 4 days a week. Wouldn't want to burden them.

  8. #44

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    If it's really high tension at home, it's worth moving with a friend. Just set a time-frame with them, and keep to it - even if you have to move back with Terry after that time-frame, it will give you some breathing space. Some friends wouldn't see El as a burden.

    Have you and Terry discussed support for El at all?
    Even if you think you've worked it out, go get professional help! Your MCHN should be able to help with some contacts in that department.

  9. #45
    mummycate Guest

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    We've talked to CSA and neither of us have pay any, we don't earn enough. There's only one friend I could stay with but she lives another 2 buses from work. I'm not catching 4 buses each way.

  10. #46

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    El will be able to have fun playing in the boxes...

  11. #47
    mummycate Guest

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    Lol Chloe, actually the cats have been jumping in them and starting to scratch them up!

  12. #48

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    Cate - have just read this thread and wanted to offer a little extra advice re shared care - i know at the momet, you're sharing care pretty much 50/50, so ftb wise, you'll only be entitled to 50% of the ftb when you move out, so it's something to consider in the future...

    the Family Relationships Advice Line may be able to help you out - they have parenting advisors/social workers/mediators who may be able to help you out - they're a pretty good resource - basically a referral service to connect you to anyone and everyone that might be able to help you out

  13. #49
    mummycate Guest

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    Well we've talked to CSA and T's going to receive FTB for the time he has her, and I guess mine goes down too. Hmm, that sucks for me, as he doesn't need to pay rent but I do. Plus water and electricity. He pays for phone and internet (atm we split it). So from me not needing to pay much towards bills, to me having to pay for all of it, its a big shock. So I need all the cash I get coming in. Perhaps with the CSA, I can get him to pay some to me as I need to pay rent while El is with me. I guess I'll have to sort it when I find a place.

  14. #50

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    yep, this will cut into your payments if Terry claims his care% ggrrr. There is another way but it's up to Terry. He can waive his right to claim the FTB, whilst still recognising he has care of bubs.
    PUt this option to him at least, maybe show him your list of moving expenses and what your weekly expenses will be. You can hope he realises how lucky he is to be staying with his parents etc etc. Some ex's do this, I have had several guys come in after losing their jobs/separating and insisting that the full FTB gets paid to the ex when they know they depend on it to pay the rent etc.

    It may be a long shot, I'm not sure if he'd go for it, but IMHO it's the right thing to do.

  15. #51
    mummycate Guest

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    Thanks Lulu. I'll talk to him about it. It is kinda fair, as I will pay rent and he won't and I have her half the time.

  16. #52
    Leekee Guest

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    I had been wanting to break up with my ex for some time before i actually did. We had a house full of shared furniture and 4 small kids to support. My only close relative living near by (my dad) had just unexpectedly passed away. I was so scared that i couldnt do it on my own, and shouldnt have to do it on my own, however it got too much one morning that i said enough! It was a spur of the moment decicion, and after he left i sat down and reflected on my actions.
    It was scarey. i had done it finally, and decided that i was going to stick to my decicion. Due to actions by my ex after the split it became a safety issue keeping us in the house. so i moved. For months after I was responsidle in building a life for my kids, and you know what? I did! and you will to.
    Us single parent have it hard, but we are strong and we pull through, maybe a littled scarred by our experience but we do it. All because of the love we feel for our children. Have faith honey. Know that its not going to be easy, but it will get easier. You will find that it was the right decicion you made in the long run!

  17. #53
    mummycate Guest

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    Mediation went very badly. Terry and I could just not agree or come to a compromise about where Elouise will live. We couldn't even agree on which city to live in, Sydney or Brisbane. He had several factors that prevent him from moving to Brisbane and I have a huge financial concern about living in Sydney and he just had little things that added up but were not really much to concern himself with.

    So his problems are:
    I can't apply to transfer uni until November.
    What's going to happen with the cats?
    I have a support network here (Sydney).
    My dad hasn't seen Elouise since she was 3 weeks old.
    I don't think you can cope looking after Elouise.
    My income is now only $250 a week as I had to cut back on work, so I can't afford to rent.

    His positives are:
    He lives with his parents so he has a roof over his head without having to do much for it.
    My mother can help me out looking after Elouise.

    My problems are:
    My income is not that much, purely on welfare.
    I will need to pay rent, electricity, water, gas, phone, internet, food, clothing, Elouise' other thingies and private health.
    I also don't have a lot of support in Sydney.
    I will have to work to earn enough money to pay all my bills, so then I will hardly see Elouise.
    Sydney is one of the most expensive living cities in the world, ie income and expenses are almost the same. The rent is high, is rising and there's not much available and high demand.
    He collects most of the water used in his house to put on garden/flush toilet. It sits stagnant and smells revolting. (On sunday I refused to go into the bathroom because of the stink).
    He has a german roach problem, yet they have been removed because his mum got pest control in.
    His parents will soon be renovating the house, making it 2 storey.

    My positives are:
    In Brisbane I can afford to be a SAHM.
    I can afford my own place.
    Elouise will not be bounced from home to home each day/week/month etc.
    I will not need to rely on my parents or any of my friends or family from day to day.
    I will live in a stable home.
    I have been Elouise' main caregiver and I will continue to be.


    So of course we could not agree. The mediator rang me a little while ago to say that she will make the certificate (that says we tried mediation) so I can take it to a lawyer. The legal advice I had gotten beforehand was actually wrong and was in fact the opposite of what I'm entitled to. The mediator was trying to hint to me that but she couldn't do more than that as she's meant to be impartial and not allowed to give legal advice. So I saw legal aid after mediation and the lawyer (different lady to Monday) said that I can get Elouise back now and can keep her until the courts have come to an agreement about where she is to be placed. Bear in mind that proceedings can take anywhere from 6 months to 18 months to reach a conclusion. So I'm going to fight for Elouise, becaus I feel its in her best interest to live in one home at least for the next year or so, and have a stable home life without financial struggle and constant upheaval and uprooting. The mediator told me on the phone this afternoon "I think you'd be pleasantly surprised" regarding the court proceedings.

    So today I was completely distraught during mediation, about the things Terry was pulling out against me, and then I feel very confident about court.

    Btw I see a solicitor tomorrow! The legal aid lawyer picked up the phone within 2 minutes of seeing me to refer me to a solicitor. She said I qualify for legal aid and that I'm very likely to "win". Ie that I'll at least get Elouise now until the whole matter is resolved in court. So with the first lawyer saying that if I move to Brisbane and take Elouise, Terry can file to have her returned to him as she'll be too far from her dad. Yet the second legal aid lawyer said that it doesn't matter and what matters is who is the main caregiver and who will be the majority caregiver in the future (both me).

    So going rom a totally **** mediation to being confident in getting Elouise back, I feel pretty good now.

    Thanks for reading this saga and for all of your support and advice.

    Oh and he tells me that Ellie's rash is back. Thanks for telling me :rollseyes:. And yesterday she had 24 scoop of milk. Normally she has 3x4=12!!! "She was hungry, she's going through a growth spurt". I told him, offer her more water and more food, 3 meals and two snacks, because we're meant to wean her off the formula not increase it! And she was having a bottle every 3 hours! I can't believe it. I'm not saying I told you so, but I did mention that he'd have her back on snacking. I knew it would happen and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I bloody hope I get her back into routine. At least he is getting her to have 2x1.5hr naps and she is sleeping well.

  18. #54

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    The family tax benefit thing that your ex partner can waive his right to - he has to have between 10 - 30 % to be able to sign away his right to claim it. If you are separated under the one roof - the form I filled in for that at the time, I said I had 80% of the care and Nick had 20% - until he signed over his 20% no one got that portion.

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