We have been seperated for a week now but are still under the same roof, as I can't move out til Centrelink start making payments. To begin with the seperation was just because I needed to move back to our home town an hour away so I could be near my family and friends and so I could gain some independence and kinda find myself again. DH was happy with this arrangement as he just wanted to see me happy.

Well now things are getting more and more complicated. He wont help me get a car loan so that DS and I have transport. HE reckons he doesn't want any more debt, even though he chose to upgrade our family car to a luxury vehicle worth 20 grand against my will. So i tell him he can sell his luxury car and we can each buy a cheaper car. Oh no, he isn't gonna sell his dream car! So fine, now I am in a big huff, though Im trying not to let him see it, but I am now desperate to get out on my own and do things for myself without any help from HIM!

His work colleague rings and asks us over for after dinner xmas drinks. I really dont want to go as I am in a foul mood and have no interest in playing happy families, plus this couple are always really negative, and right now I only need positive in my life. So he says he'll just go by himself thats good. BUT work colleague rings back and asks us all to come for the afternoon dinner and drinks (they are extremely pushy!). i tell DH that I would really rather he take Archie out there and give me some alone time. He doesn't want to go by himself, so he offers to give me alone time tomorrow instead. I say no im in no mood to make small talk with them all afternoon. He turns to me and yells "geez you make things hard!" I snap back "WHAT am I making hard??" He huffs, puts DS into the car and leaves.

Thing is this is the first time we have ever yelled at each other, DS saw it and started hitting himself in the head, I never wanted him to experience this sort of home life!!!

All these years I have pussy footed around and given into DH all the time to keep the peace and let myself believe that we have such a perfect relationship we never argue. Well, now I have grown up and realised that this isn't a healthy way to have a relationship that is so one sided. This week is the first time in 7 years that I have realised what a negative selfish person my DH is, and I feel so awful thinking that about the man i really thought i would adore for the rest of my life!

He has huge issues from his childhood, which makes him a very defensive closed up guy, I have begged him to get counelling since DS was born but he refuses, he is too scared about what will come out.

I now know that if he doesn't get counselling there will be no future for us, and to be honest atm I really can't see a future for us and that scares the hell outta me cause my whole life is planned out with him, and the life we planned was a great one! Not if om not happy though i guess.

1 good thing that could come out of us divorcing is that i might one day find a partner and be able to have another bub, DH refuses to have any more

thanks for reading if you got this far, i really truly need lots of support from you wonderful girls x