combat queen - it is funny that we all seem to be in the same situation atm, it is good that we have each other too. I totally know that I have been facilitating his selfishness for 7 years, thats what makes it so hard for me to feel angry at him without feeling guilty about it and making excuses for him all the time. thankyou for your post, it has helped me definately

Oh Lulu, you have made me cry, but from laughter!! thankyou so much I haven't giggled like that for a little while. You are an awesome psychologist you know, you said some things that I hadn;t even considered, like when was the time I started pussy footing around. You know, I think I have found that time. 18 months into our relationship we had an unplanned pregnancy which resulted in an early m/c. I was very traumatised by the miscarriage, as i have always dreamt of being a mother, and my reaction to losing this unplanned baby was to want to get pregnant again straight away. I was only 19 and we certainly weren't ready for a bub, but my hormones took over. he was extremely upset about losing the baby too and told me we could try for another. A week later he tells me he is not ready for a baby and that he only told me we could have another one to keep me happy. I remember yelling at him how could he do this to me, blah blah blah, then in the end he used this tone of voice which is *****y and condescending and I felt stupid and immature and i shut up. Im thinking this would be the time I started 'facilitating his selfishness' (even though he was right in not wanting another baby at that time). I didn't want him to talk to me like that so I just would agree with everything and get over it.

God I am terrified of him trying to get even 50% custody let alone 100%. im sure he never get 100%, to start with i have done 99% of the childcare and parenting by myself anyway, plus I dont think a small child would be conducive to his way of life. I imagine that once DS is a few years older DH will want him 3 nights a week, and i guess I really would have to let that happen for DS sake as well, its only fair. Anyway......stop thinking to far ahead Elissa!!!!! Thankyou for warning me that he might try and scare me with this though at least I can kinda prepare myself for it. Goodness me I didn't even realised he owned a copy of the "'Boys manual in breaking up"!

Love the diagnosis, and Im gonna lose about 140 kilos of man, even better! Hopefully I can lose about 20 kilos of woman too LOL

your Prescription in just genius! Only thing is, his penis isn't long enough to hang into his eyes ROFL!

nelle - thanks for the hug, i needed that. I agree that we both need counselling in order to save this relationship, I am going back to counselling in a couple of weeks when I move back to my home town. I doubt he will go though, but I will be letting him ,know that him going to counselling is the only chance of saving us.

Hope you got that wedgie sorted out.

I am feeling a bit relieved that im not the first woman in the world to have to feel these feelings and be in this situation