victim of domestic violence

[Winter]

Oh my goodness Gorgeous Widdly, you sound so free in your post. What a weight that has been lifted off your shoulders. You sound lighter, relieved, stronger in this post. What a big day of realisations, but wow! The way you are handling it and the effect it is having on you & your self esteem is joyful to read.

I really hope that your DH goes to the counsellor & works through his issues. I'm very glad that he has taken the first step of managing his money & making sure you are covered. That's a good sign.

Anyway, lots of these , a big round of this and as always on BB one of these for good measure.

[Smoke Jaguar]

Fantastic! You are doing you both a favour and you are conducting yourself so graciously Definitely shaping up like a successful intervention, so best wishes for this process

[widdly]

WOW thankyou so much everyone for your support, well wishes and advice

Trish - yeah, I need to work hard not to let him abuse me anymore, I realise it will be easier said than done, but going to the counsellor weekly will help guide me.

Kim - interesting you say its like losing weight and giving up smoking, both things DH has tried and failed at countless times over the years....hope thats not a sign...

krysalyss - i hada panicky thought this arvo that DS is learning about relationships by watching the abusive way his parents have been interacting, scarey stuff, thank goodness this realisation has hit me beofre its too late.

BooBoo - I have told him for this to work he needs to see the counsellor and have her explain all of this to him in a way that he can understand otherwise he can never fix his abusive ways. He agreed to that seeing the counsellor was a good idea but he wasnt very enthusiastic about it.

thanks again guys, now I need to go and research emotional abuse and understand it more so I can ensure I break the cycle

[Glamourcide]

Best of luck to you, sweetie. You are an amazing lady to have stayed strong and not let this break you down. You sound so much more free in your first post, so much more positive, optimistic, and looking forward to what the future has in store for you
I wish you all the best on your journey from here - today has obviously been a major turning point for you and I hope your DH takes your hand and walks with you on that path, and seeks help of his own in order to make the road a much smoother one for the both of you. Looks like he's taking steps already, I really do hope that this is a wake-up call to him as well and that once he absorbs it, he turns into a whole new man - the DH and daddy you and your LO deserve!
xo

[widdly]

donna thankyou so much hun, you are very sweet x

[smiles4u]

... hey Elissa wish i could give you more then this simple post but just wanted to pop in and at least you give you a big hug, so here it is

(can't believe our bubba's are going to be 4 soon ... they themselves have helped us to open our eyes to see what we didn't see before !!)

[megs]

Widdly I just wanted to write and say Congratulations, it does sound like you have had a weight removed from your shoulders.

I speak as a victim of emotional abuse from a very controlling father, funny the baggage you carry with you. I have only just come to the relisation that I think I need to see someone about it as I think it effects my behaviour in my marriage. I tend not to stand up for myself enough I think their is a subconcious fear of what might happen (even though DH is lovely...most of the time).

I hope you DH keeps taking small steps to acknowledge his behavious and to hopefully change. Did your DH grow up in a environment where he was a victim of emotional abuse?

[Queen]

Sending lots of hugs
May the sun shine brighter on you xoxoxox

[widdly]

Thankyou Queen, that lovely

[KitFaerie]

Your doing so well, your DH is in for some tough times and I'm sure he'll hit rock bottom at least once or twice, and you'll probably have to let him too (ack, tough love!). But my Mum has always said she took a couple years of crap in order to have 20 more years of a wonderful marriage, so it can work out. You can do it babe, best of luck xo

[Kazbah]

Widdly, you are such an amazing lady. I wish you and your family well on this journey you've all begun

[rosie77]

Just a suggestion/ encouragement for your OH (sorry, not quite sure if you guys are still together or not).

I've been to a couple of different counsellors over the years. Sometimes they've encouraged me to talk about some parts of my past/ family, sometimes we've just focussed on the present, rather than what's behind it.

I can understand that he feels pretty daunted if he thinks it's going to be years of dredging up uncomfortable feelings from his past, with no way to handle it. But a good counsellor will help him learn how to deal with those feelings. It must have been painful for him to discuss all that stuff with you for the first time, and he probably dreads the thought of going through that sort of thing once a week!

But of course it won't always be like that, and sometimes (often probably) the focus will be on positive changes that he can make now to make his life, and your life better. Understanding how the past fits into that is just a part of the process.

BTW, none of this is meant to minimize his behaviour towards you in the past so I don't mean to sound too sympathetic towards him! Just thought it might help encourage him to seek some outside help.

Good luck and well done for making such positive steps forward for you and your family.

[Izabella]

I just wanted to say to you, that I think you are such an amazing women. It takes alot of guts to do what your doing, some I wish I had thats for sure !!!