victim of domestic violence

[widdly]

WOW thankyou so much everyone for your support, well wishes and advice

Trish - yeah, I need to work hard not to let him abuse me anymore, I realise it will be easier said than done, but going to the counsellor weekly will help guide me.

Kim - interesting you say its like losing weight and giving up smoking, both things DH has tried and failed at countless times over the years....hope thats not a sign...

krysalyss - i hada panicky thought this arvo that DS is learning about relationships by watching the abusive way his parents have been interacting, scarey stuff, thank goodness this realisation has hit me beofre its too late.

BooBoo - I have told him for this to work he needs to see the counsellor and have her explain all of this to him in a way that he can understand otherwise he can never fix his abusive ways. He agreed to that seeing the counsellor was a good idea but he wasnt very enthusiastic about it.

thanks again guys, now I need to go and research emotional abuse and understand it more so I can ensure I break the cycle

[Glamourcide]

Best of luck to you, sweetie. You are an amazing lady to have stayed strong and not let this break you down. You sound so much more free in your first post, so much more positive, optimistic, and looking forward to what the future has in store for you
I wish you all the best on your journey from here - today has obviously been a major turning point for you and I hope your DH takes your hand and walks with you on that path, and seeks help of his own in order to make the road a much smoother one for the both of you. Looks like he's taking steps already, I really do hope that this is a wake-up call to him as well and that once he absorbs it, he turns into a whole new man - the DH and daddy you and your LO deserve!
xo

[widdly]

donna thankyou so much hun, you are very sweet x

[smiles4u]

... hey Elissa wish i could give you more then this simple post but just wanted to pop in and at least you give you a big hug, so here it is

(can't believe our bubba's are going to be 4 soon ... they themselves have helped us to open our eyes to see what we didn't see before !!)

[megs]

Widdly I just wanted to write and say Congratulations, it does sound like you have had a weight removed from your shoulders.

I speak as a victim of emotional abuse from a very controlling father, funny the baggage you carry with you. I have only just come to the relisation that I think I need to see someone about it as I think it effects my behaviour in my marriage. I tend not to stand up for myself enough I think their is a subconcious fear of what might happen (even though DH is lovely...most of the time).

I hope you DH keeps taking small steps to acknowledge his behavious and to hopefully change. Did your DH grow up in a environment where he was a victim of emotional abuse?

[widdly]

Lorelle - thankyou sweet woman x Big 4 year olds! I have been researching how to build a dinosaur cake...he couldnt want somwthing simople could he?!

Megs - thanks for sharing My father is an emotional abuser too so I have a long history of it which is probably why I fell into the same trap in my marriage I definately think DH could be the victim of emotional abuse, his mother is not part of his lofe anymore cause she is just strange and selfish and his fathers side of the family are Italian, they pride themselves in emotional abuse! Good for you for acknowledging that counselling may benefit you.

I am about to go and learn more about emotional abuse, arm myself with knowledge.

I find myself feeling disconnected from DH since these big realisations. Like, he will want to touch or kiss me and I cringe a bit, or he says he loves me and I dont want to say it back. I feel like he is my friend but I cant treat him as my husband atm? Anyway this is all stuff I will chat to the cousnellor about next Wednesday

[Jennifer13]

Hi widdly, have you thought about joining the Family/Relationship Crisis Support Group on BB? You might find it helpful to share your story with others who've been through similar issues.

[widdly]

MY G O D.

I just asked DH the question "DO you think you were emotionally abusing by your parents?"

Well he has just spewed all of this stuff out about his abusive childhood that I had no idea about! He was beaten regularly by his step father as well as verbally abused. He went to police for help and they laughed and took him back home to his abuser. Just all this awful stuff, had me in tears.

Now I feel that I may never got that love for him back again, I just feel that I havent really known him til now, I married a man I really didnt know anything about! He told me he is scared that he has already lost me and its too late to make things better between us, and to be honest that is how I feel too

I told him that the only way he can ever have a healthy relationship with anyone is if he gets some serious long term counselling and works through all of his issues from his abusive childhood. He is extremely hesitant to get counselling cause he doesnt want to bring it all up again and feel scared and alone. He said he will get counelling for my sake. I told him not to bother for my sake, but to do it for himself and our DS. I truly doubt he will ever be brave enough to work through these awful issues and eventually come out the other side happier and healthier.

I told him that its a very real possibility that its too late for me, that he isnt the person I thought I married and loved and its not his fault, he didnt do anything wrong, our marriage was meant to happen to teach us about life and ourselves.

gee whiz, I have heard women say that everyone needs a first marriage to practise for the real thing, now I am feeling like that is a very true statement.

[smiles4u]

Lorelle - thankyou sweet woman x Big 4 year olds! I have been researching how to build a dinosaur cake...he couldn't want something simple could he?!

(... harr harr same headache here DD wants Dora, ... admitted finally to myself i could never do Dora so i happen to google Dora cake photo's and BINGO saw a pic of someone's Dora cake that is two round cakes as islands with a Dora bath toy that has a bridge over the two cakes ... so yep DD has that same bath toy & YES i dragged it out of the bath & gave it a good scrub ... thank god for bath toys i now say ... Have you tried googling Dinosaur cake photo ?? (you prob have yeh )