Preventing the early sexualisation of our children

[Maruschke]

I really don't know where to put this thread, mods please feel free to move it to a better place.

I have been thinking lately, especially given the threads of late about pornography, about how to prevent the early sexualisation of our children. I am no prude, I am quite happy to talk to my daughter about her body, sex and sexuality, masturbation, pornography, orgasms etc at an appropriate time. I wish I could hide it from her, but she is going to see it outside of the house anyway. I see in the media blantent sexual images that I wish my daughter would not see until she was older.

Ads where scantily clad women are draped over a motorbike
Dancers in saturday / sunday morning music shows
'Want longer lasting sex' signs on the highway
skimpy bikin's for toddlers

etc etc etc. I am sure we could come up with a list 100 long.

How are you planning on tackling this problem in your house? I look forward to hearing your suggestions.

[boomba]

Hmm good question. Looking forward to reading the responses.

I think they key is education, being open to our children and making sure they ahve the trust in you to be truthfull and open?

I think this sort of stuff were around when i was a kid. I danced as kid and wore makeup etc but never felt like i had to grow up just cause mum was always honset with me when i aksed her questions? No allowing my daughter to demand to look sexy etc?

I am not making much sense but education openess and honesty is they way I believe.

x

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Well, I'm trying to explain to my toddler that pulling down trousers and nappy then walking around with your hand around your penis isn't "polite". I managed to get him to wear trousers again today.

But as for media etc: DH has told me I'm too strict with the TV. Of course I am! I have to know what DS is watching. And so I don't let him watch brain-numbing TV or girls wearing very little, how is that a problem?

The only magazines DS sees is the "Bluebell News", which is about steam trains. Or... erm... that's it really. Sadly he does see the "lads mags" in the supermarket but I point out the books on the other side of the aisle then.

We see posters for films etc with women not wearing much. I'm covered head to toe and if DS takes any notice I just say "bet she's feeling daft; it must be cold in this weather."

I guess I'm trying to teach DS that beauty isn't what society says it is. DS is beautiful when he smiles. Or when I put a "sari" and a tiara on him because he wants to dress up in my things and he admires himself in the mirror. Or when he's all tucked up in bed sleepy.

I guess I am comfortable in my body, but cover up. I don't wear makeup that much. I am trying to teach DS that this is beauty. Wish me luck! But in teaching DS what beauty is, he can teach the girls his age by not being interested if the most they're wearing is the warpaint on their faces.

[kelebek]

This is something that we have talked about endlessly, a few things we want to do is...

we will never have paytv - yes they can see a lot of the same thing on free to air but on free to air there is no 24/7 music channel and I see a lot of modern clips as being soft porn tbh.

DS will never have a computer in his room that is connected to the internet...

I won't be giving him a mobile but we will have a family pre-paid that he can use when he goes out, although this is still under discussion.

Of course when the reality of the teen years hit this may all change and I am sure there are other things I would add but we will leave it at this for now.

[Maruschke]

Wow some good suggestions in here! And I think one of the big ones is having the computer in the lounge room instead of bedrooms.

Parents are the best role model a child will get, hopefully they look to us and see healthy body image and sexuality instead of what is out there .

[christy]

Yep we don't watch anything that overtly sexualises women. We cuddle and kiss in front of them, and Daddy tells them that he loves Mummy and loves to touch mummy. But its never in a sexual way... he wants them to know thats what Mummy & Daddy do.

My girls don't have skimpy clothes, they don't even have a Barbie We watch Yo Gabba Gabba, ABC, Star Wars, Nightmare before Christmas, Bolt....if we want to listen to music we listen to music.

I don't have a need to watch anything in particular (other than used to be All Saints....) and if a child was up, I'd record it for later

[Arcadia]

I have been thinking of this too and think the problem stems from the overt sexualisation of our society in general!

Children want to model our behaviours, and while ever there is soft porn on tv that they call music videos, sexy underwear ads at bus stops, and way, way too much skin on show in public from some people, sexualisation is almost inevitable.

I believe children should be told age appropriate information about their bodies and sexuality, but I think the best way to avoid early sexualisation is to be a good role model and avoid overtly sexualised material in general. A very tough call though!

How did we get to this point anyway? I think music videos should be banned on morning tv!

[fionas]

DD will never hear me commenting on another woman's looks. She will hear me commenting on her sense of humour, cleverness, ignorance or stupidity and possibly her dress sense (because that's something she can control) ... but not her looks.

[tan32]

Ok my DD is fast approaching her teens,
so what i have found works for us is
she has a computer in her room but no internet access, she can go on the net on our laptop in the kitchen where it is monitored. My friend was saying to me how her daughter was on the net and put in games and puzzles and a naked woman popped up on the screen...
we listen to cd's in the car not the radio or edited versions of popular songs

My daughter dances and has done since she was 2 , she loves wearing costumes and the make up but that is for dancing only. At home its age appropriate clothing which can still be trendy, no butt hanging out the back of her pants.
She has barbies and bratz dolls and has grown out of them now . She likes to look nice and dress nice.
We have discussions alot about behaviour, what certain things mean and why. because as much as you try and sheild your children they hear it at school etc. So education plays a major part. Alot of her friends already have their periods and have developed breasts and pubic hair, This is scary these girls are only 9 and 10.
But i really like to focus on her intelegience and inner beauty, i think it is really important for a young person to know they are worthy and loved.

[aimz78]

Ummmm, banning bratz dolls lol!
I think about this all the time for my DD, Im amazed at the "tween" factor and how early girls are exposed to this.
It makes me grrr when I see things like bikinis and "bras" for little girls.
I agree that openness, communication and building self esteem are good to help combat these strong messages.

[Toomanytoomany]

I've been fortunate to have some professional involvement with some groups who are active in this area, and it's made me proud to have made some small difference. I did a Youtube campaign video two years ago that I was very proud of.

For my own girls, we talk a lot about the images that we see around the place and discuss some of the inappropriate stuff they question me about. I try my hardest to avoid products and media that over-sexualise children, and I try to instil in them a really healthy and age appropriate understanding of human sexuality.

I fail a lot in giving a good example about having a healthy body image, but I am trying harder to work on that.

[Maruschke]

I've been fortunate to have some professional involvement with some groups who are active in this area, and it's made me proud to have made some small difference. I did a Youtube campaign video two years ago that I was very proud of.

For my own girls, we talk a lot about the images that we see around the place and discuss some of the inappropriate stuff they question me about. I try my hardest to avoid products and media that over-sexualise children, and I try to instil in them a really healthy and age appropriate understanding of human sexuality.

I fail a lot in giving a good example about having a healthy body image, but I am trying harder to work on that.

Hun if you feel comfortable, can you give us the youtube link? Or just the title?

[Toomanytoomany]

I'll have to pm you, once I've emptied my inbox as I'm at the limit!!

The production quality's not great (my first attempt) but the sentiment is sound.

[Bathsheba]

I have a 14yo DD and she actually makes me feel quite proud of her attitudes on this subject. Even though she was given Barbie and Bratz dolls as a child she doesn't seem to have grown up with the unhealthy ideas they seem to promote. She has never dressed inappropriately, infact she is quite modest in her choice of clothes.

I put it down to me me being fairly modest and actually saying that something is inappropriate when it clearly is. Scantily clad women and men, unless they are on the beach, make me feel uncomfortable. You don't do the shopping in a bikini top with trackies around your hips and the top of your g-string showing... you just don't. It's got nothing to do with feeling comfortable in your own body it's about appropriateness. These days I don't usually have to say anything... my DD will get in before me and say something to me under her breath like "hello... you don't dress like that while doing the shopping" LOL Now having said that if my DD wanted to sunbake with only a g-string on a beach in the south of France and every other woman was doing it then fine... but I think that people have become so protective of their perceived 'rights' that they have forgotten to consider whether something is appropriate or not. Say the word "appropriate" these days and you might as well say you are a wet blanket as far as most people are concerned

I'm not loud and outspoken when I tell my children that I think something is inappropriate I just quietly share my thoughts between them and myself. DH does the same. We hug and show affection infront of the children too... because it's an example of a healthy relationship but we don't shove it down their throats.

"Dignity" is the word that springs to mind... these days you'd think it was a dirty word. But it's what we role model and so far we are happy that our children are growing up with this value. The early sexualisation of children and the huge commercial monster sex has become in our society is basically a stripping down of people's dignity. I could go on about what that means, who benefits etc but that's probably a topic for another thread.

[bon]

I hate Bratz dolls...I think they are ugly and wear completely innappropriate clothing, considering they are marketed to little girls as an alternative to Barbie. Barbie I don't have so much of a problem with - she seems to be a lot more wholesome than those skanky looking Bratz things. But of course I know that as an adult I am looking at them with different eyes than my 4 year old daughter, who recently pointed out the Bratz dolls in the toy sale catalogue and told me thats what she wants for christmas. I see a skanky looking skantily clad doll that is sending all the wrong messages to little girls, she just sees a pretty doll to play with. I mumbled something non-committal and am hoping she will forget about it. Of course if she is given one as a gift I won't stop her playing with it, but I just can't shake the dislike I have for them!

I have read articles before about how the whole Disney princess thing is unhealthy for girls because it sends them the message that all they have to do is be pretty and helpless and a handsome prince will come and 'save' them and 'complete' them and make their life perfect forever more. I don't really buy into that - I think if anything, it is those romantic comedies where the single woman has her crap life made perfect by finding mr wonderful that are more damaging. The princesses are at least obviously make-believe.

[Rouge]

I'm another proud parent over here. We have very open lines of communication and have quite extensive conversations about appropriateness, strength of women, drugs, alcohol, politics, environmental issues, animal cruelty... you name it! I think being open with your views without being forceful or nagging is the best way IMO. Yes you can protect them from some of it, and we do our very best to do that, but I would rather educate them on the appropriateness rather than ban things altogether due to the simple fact that they are going to be subject to it and there is a higher chance of it being a novelty later if its not dealt with now.

[Bengal]

Long after Bratz and Barbie dolls are gone, your DD and DS will follow suit in your train of thoughts, on what is appropriate, what outfit a bratz or barbie doll has on, is not going to contribute to who they are as a young lady, or young man.

It is the values you instil in them, and the openess, communication and relationships at home that maketh the man or woman.

Your relationship with your children is the most important thing

[bon]

Long after Bratz and Barbie dolls are gone, your DD and DS will follow suit in your train of thoughts, on what is appropriate, what outfit a bratz or barbie doll has on, is not going to contribute to who they are as a young lady, or young man.

That may be true but I still dislike Bratz dolls. I can't help it - although I am fully aware, like I said before, that my DD doesn't look at them in the same way - I see a toy that is representative of this early sexualisation of children, little girls especially, whereas she just sees a pretty doll to play with. So, while I am reluctant to buy one for her, I am not going to ban them - if she is given one, she will be able to play with it. She prefers other toys atm anyway, so it's a bit of a non-issue really.