The christmas situation..?

[Butterfly Child]

Im having trouble approaching the christmas situation regarding Xp..
ive been trying not to think about it TBH,

I have no idea what i should do in regards to including xp in xmas day etc .. my hearts telling me to go ahead and do our own thing maby have them come over/go over there(his and his families place) for an hour or two xmas day etc as we uually end up heading out to my aunty and uncles after doing the pressy thing anyway.

whats fair? in this situation where xp comes and goes when he see's fit with his visits going weeks sometimes without showing up or any contact ( If you know about my situation with xp when it comes to his inconsitency and his lack of responsibility/reliability the list coud go on but ill stop here)

What does everyone do in regards to this?
Whats everyone elses plan?
I just want to enjoy this special day dont want it to be a drama
i just want to make it a special 1st xmas for my beautiful DD

[Cupcake]

Have you spoken to XP regarding this? Whats his thoughts? Ive been keeping up a little with his lack of interest (so to speak) and i think make plans that suit you and DD and he can find a way to fit into YOUR schedule. I'd hate for you to go to all this trouble to include him then he decides he cant be bothered that day and it ruins your day!

Whats his mother like? If shes nice maybe plan to go there and he can meet you there?

[Beatrix]

hey hun

for our xmas day I have the kids xmas eve and xmas day lunch and xdh takes them at 2:30pm til 3pm boxing day.

It works for us becuase my family does a huge traditonal xmas lunch where as his des nothing so i am not making my girls miss out to do nothing. and luckily our nmediator agreed.

I wouldnt be bending over backwards for him, ask him what his intentions are for xmas day and go from there... but dont compromise too much, its your day too

[Butterfly Child]

Thanks beautiful girls

Ammaki- no i havent really talked to him about it his family n him came over today for the first time in while.. which was gd for grace, his mum asked what we were doing for xmas i just said me n my family were going to my auntys for xmas day but left it there as i didnt really no wat to say to be honest. kinda waited to see if anything more would be said but it wasnt. maby i should just wait and see if anything more is said ...i think actually last week his mum said they were having ftirnds coming up to stay with them, but nothing was mentioned about wat the g.o is ..

Beatrix- yeh were really big on xmas too very traditional aswell here too
Thx so much hun. Xp kinda doesnt really talk much about it or anything for that matter when it comes to important things anyway his mum kinda asks the questions and talks for him IYKWIM. im always the one having to make the effort its so frustrating!!

[rhyb]

Im lucky Aiden stays with me as XP lives in NSW and hell just call DS/ send a present.

[Cupcake]

Hhmm well id probably organise my day and let him work around me. Goodluck sweets!! xo

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

We used to alternate with our parents when we were little, each year we had x-mas lunch with say Dad's family and the next yr Mums but what they did was EVERY x-mas morning we ALL had breakfast together and then went our separate ways from there.

As your DD is a little younger maybe you could suggest a dinner on x-mas Eve as a regular thing for your XP's family?

If he doesn't seem at all interested then just plan your day and do whatever special things you want to do, i would suggest trying to organise it now though so your the bigger person and down the track he can't say you didn't try!

GL Hun i hope he takes the time to make an effort for your gorgeous girl, in the long run if he doesn't it's him missing out!

[obi]

I know how u feel. Always being the one to plan ahead. Its one of the many reasons I left xp because he would never plan for future just hoped it happened then I ended up doing everything for him.... Argh

Last year he dropped of littleman at 10am after having him xmas eve and morning.

But this year with everything that has happened I'm just not sure.

If you have good communication with him that's awesome. Have u got a parenting plan done up? Some ppl do one year on and one off and that works for them. Just depends how old littleone is but if he is farta$sing around then its your call. Just get a diary and write everything down!

Gl and big hugs. Ill be in same boat. Xcept between now and then my custody battle will be unfolding so its not much fun for me. My family and my bfs family want to do things as well and work wants to give me extra but I have no clue what's happening because xp does tell me anything of his plans and leaves it til last minute then yells at me when I can't change plans to suit him and his new family of 8 kids.

Excuse the rants can't sleep

[kawazuki]

with DSS we do alternaate years.
this year its our year to have him chrissy day.
our situation is slightly different as his mum lives 7 hours away.

but the year we dont have him we put off the whole chrissy thing till australia day and have a huge chrissy lunch and pressies on that day so he doesnt miss out on anything.

in your situation id be telling xp this is what we are doing you are welcome to come and enjoy the day with us, or you can have dd for boxing day or something.
or arrange a few hours to drop in and see him.

[Butterfly Child]

Thanks everyone for your replies xx
i tried to approach the xmas topic with him monday, by talking about it and saying how excited i was about xmas this yr etc.. and asked if him n his mum mum wanted to come see grace get her xmas santa photos hes like yeh that would be gd, mum would love that. and theni said if you wanted we could go xmas shopping too if you wanted . he just said im not real big on xmas.. not real big on giving gifts etc... i just left it at that and said im really big on xmas its my favourite time of year

i think its sad hes being so selfish how ould you not be excited its DD first christmas oh well ill make it great and special for her

im just going ask his mum next time i see her if she wants us to drop in to her place on xmas day b4 we go to my families place wat do you think?

[thepixie]

he just said im not real big on xmas.. not real big on giving gifts etc... i just left it at that and said im really big on xmas its my favourite time of year

Great problem solved! Sweetie you're being too kind to this guy. Sounds like you've just been given a pass to make your own plans without consulting him. I wouldn't necessarily offer to drop into his mum unless you really want to or it's easy for you. YOU'RE the one with the baby, and its her granddaughter, if it means anything to her, she will come to you. As for XP pfffffffffft