I have had such an emotional couple of weeks, finally coming to terms with XH not loving me any more and the fact that I have to move on with my life. Sunday night 2 of my sisters asked me out to the pub for drinks, I turned them down as I had DS to take care of. Later on Sunday my Dad encouraged me to let my hair down for once and have fun, so I found a sitter and joined my sisters at the pub.
I had THE best night, so much fun, and for once I was so full of life and fun, I havent seen that old me since before I got together with XH. I am normally a VERY shy person, and have had very low self esteem lately, so when a guy came up to me and started flirting his ass off, it was the last thing I expected! So I said to myself to hell with it, Im gonna flirt back and have a little fun...
Let me just say that I have only ever had sex with the one guy, myXH, so i never ever thought Id ever just pick some guy up at the pub and sleep with him...but thats what happened I knew this guy was a sweety, and I knew him to say hello to, and I also had heard he was very attentive in the sack....so I went for it. And let me say, he cetainly lived up to his reputation! He was so gorgeous, made me feel so confident in my own skin and was very keen to make it a regular occurence, and so was I
That next day XH came to pick DS up, I thought it was the nie thing to tell him about the guy before he found out second hand (he knows the guy and is friends with people who know the guy), well I told XH that i had slept with someone and XH bawled NOT the reaction I was anticipating. XH went on to tell me that he has never stopped loving me, he was just pushing me away so that he didnt get hurt? He claims he wants me back forever blah blah blah. So I have spent the last 2 days with XH, and I have been feeling awesome that my marriage has ben salvaged....til now. XH just went to bed and I have had the first bit of alone time since the one nighter.
I have gone from feeling like a sexy confident happy go lucky woman to a desperate housewife....I just really want to go and jump back into bed with the Sunday night guy and feel awesome again. But on the other hand, the sunday night guy is nothing serious, just a bit of fun. God, do I actually want my marriage or not??? I keep thinking that if I stay with XH I will one day cheat on him cause I loved it so much.... AAARRRRGGGHHHH I just get over XH and now this! It is just SO tempting to run back into sinday night guys bed again
im not sure what u want to hear but let me tell you, before i was with XP i was very sexual person, then when i was with him i 'went off' sex (i got pg straight away and put it down to loosing my sex drive from being pg) but once we broke up i realised it was just him i wasnt attracted to! so i say go with ur gut feeling....think about it....XH only got upset cause he knows u were with someone else, he didnt come back off his own bat..... GL hunni
you are all telling me what my gut is telling me...****, Y did XH have to go and confuse me all over again when I JUST started to get past it?!
Control Freak - YEP, Sunday night guy could not have been hotter! I told him he should hire himself out to women just to give them the confidence boost they all need every now and again.
BTW, just got a text form Sunday Night Guy telling me 'Sunday night was fun and we could have a few more fun nights at some stage if I like....' hmmmm waht an invitation...
If he bawled he obviously cares more than you thought.
Work out what EXACTLY you liked about Sunday guy.. was it the sex? was it the way he made you feel? (it sounds like the second one).
Now are you serious about your marriage?
Talk to XH and tell him how being with someone else made you feel, and why. Tell him that its something YOU and HIM have to work towards achieving together if he wants things to be a success.
You need him to make you feel like Sunday night guy did.
Tell him that.
If he is so upset about not being with you, surely he will try anything.
Good luck hun xo
But I will say in regards to sunday night guy - you are on the rebound, and however he makes you feel, you need to decide on you XH yourself, without consideration of other men. You had fun, but you know what? It doesn't matter if you are in the world's best relationship - there are always going to be other people in the world who can make you feel special. And all relationships loose their glitter at some stage (doesn't mean anything except that it is no longer exciting and new - but then you can really decide if you like the person, warts and all).
So you need to decide what YOU want. And remember that if you do choose your XH then the relationship you are going into is the same one you just came out of, nothing will be different - so don't put on your rose coloured glasses when looking at your relationship with XH. Why did you break up in the first place? Does that reason still hold true?
If you do decide to give it another shot with XH, take it slow - don't go running into bed with him, star by dating (as if he was a new guy you were trying to get to know).
thanks hun, its nice to have a different opinion to ponder. Your right, I LOVED the way Sunday Night Guy made me feel so great about myself, and I love the strength that I have found in myself since being single.
Hanging out with XH these last few days I just keep seeing the things that I dislike about him, things like his arogance. Things like when a person serves him in a shop, he treats them like they are less of a person tan him, I will ask them how they are and look them in the eye and treat them like any one else, whereas XH wont really give them the time of day generally. Little things like that actually make me feel embarassed to be with him. And the way he gets so stressed at times over the smallest inconsequential things.
Here is something about him as an example of wht irks me: he is renting a house and all but one of the lights in the kitchen are bowna nd have been for some time. I ws cooking in the kitchen last night and mentioned to him that its about time he replaced the globes. He said he would not replace the globes cause you can only by the expensive flourescent ones now and the ones that were in the lights before were only the cheap ones. I told him that he has to replace all the globes when he leaves any way, he said he wont be replacing them cause its not fair as they were only cheap ones and he will have to buy expensive ones.....he is on a huge amount of money a year, what does it mattter?!
These are the little things that I just dont know if i want to live with for the rest of my life...
Elissa, gonna be blunt (c0s I love you)....he hates that you're going forward and he's not. He wants a maid and a mother.
Please don't be offended, but you know how fabulous you have been feeling on your own. it sucks he's making it so hard for you.
Elissa, I hardly know you and I don't know your XH at all, but from following your journey so far, if I thought that your XH's tears were for you, I'd say, darling put your heart and soul into working something out. But his tears are for him and his own self absorption. Where has that tiny violin gone that Lulu had.....
Same here hun, my ex only got upset when he saw I was moving on, he has this 'if I can't have you nobody can' attittude (hence why I now have a VRO on him)!!
But be aware, cause you've just come out of a marriage you will miss the 'together' feeling, like having someone in ur bed everynight etc, KWIM? I scared off a few good friends with benefits cause I wanted more too fast, but if ur happy with just a F... buddy for now, go for it giiiirl!!!! (And for the record my latest F.... buddy is now my 'boyfriend'....o0o0o0o)
kim - thanks hun, your not being blunt at all, just straight to the point, just what I need
Last night he brought up the board games and concert and cinema, he has organised for us to go to the cinema on Monday, he will take me to a Jimmy Barnes concert in January, actually he showed me the tickets that he bought to the last Jimmy concert but never gave to me cause I cracked it and left him, so he "stuff you I wasnt gonna give them to you", he chucked them in the bin!!!
I chatted with him today and he said he is definately not wanting me back just cause he has seen that I can move forward with my life and be happy without him, he genuinely does love. I told him that Sunday Night Guy made me feel so gorgeous and liberated, and XH sat me down and told me all the things he loves about me. I think I have him freaked actually. He now knows that I am in two minds about getting back with him and I can tell in his eyes that he is quite panicked that I will choose not to take him back.
tattoo mumma - I def dont want Sunday Night Guy as a bf, just purely some fun with no strings, I perfer to just have myself and my boy in my bed at night
I am going to bo back through all of my threads here and make a list of things to chat to XH about, see what he has to say.
I think Misty has given you some good advice darl: the decision you make shouldn't be about other people and how they make you feel. Anyone can make anyone feel anything according to their agenda (be it conscious or not)... what's more important is that you share you life with a person with whom you share core values and chemistry. How you feel shouldn't depend on another... it should come from within. Sorry for the lecture... but I see many women especially falling into the trap of placing the responsibility of how they feel onto others, mainly their men. It's not their responsibility to make you feel anything. You might feel a certain way when you are with them... but you have to own it... it's a subtle difference. It goes for everything: your appearance, your skills, your weaknesses... how you perceive those things needs to be the result of you drawing your own conclusion... not you needing them to define you and influence you. For example: I have a big butt LOL I'm kinda ok with it... many women would not be ok with it... my DH likes it (that's a bonus) but if he didn't like it then it would NOT mean I had an ugly butt... it would just mean that we disagree and don't share an opinion. I don't need my DH to like my butt... it's a bonus if he does. More importantly my DH knows that I am sensitive about my butt and regardless of how he feels is polite... politeness is an important core value with me. I love my DH because he is polite NOT because he likes my big butt LOL does that make any sense?
Oh and regarding those light bulbs. Tell your XH that for his theory about it not being fair to replace them with the right type of globe then that means that he ALSO must leave the place in the EXACT condition that he rented it... no wear and tear at all... not even one tiny mark on the carpet, or any marks on the walls... because by his rules that's not fair for the owner to have to rectify on his departure Oh and that he shouldn't have signed the lease agreement... most likely it will say something about maintaining the property, being responsible for replacing globes etc.
I can't remember which fellow BB member's signature this was on, but I found it so powerful and true, and I remind myself of it when I feel sad or start to wonder if things have turned out the way they were supposed to with XP and I.
"When a person in our life can walk away from us, let them walk. Our destiny is never tied to anybody that leaves".
I'm not sure whether he left, or whether he drove you to leave, but either way it doesn't make a difference in my mind. Maybe I'm an idealist, but I don't believe we should settle. Strive for nothing short of happiness. It sounds like you're capable of achieving that now without XH. Good luck x
BellyBelly Member
OMG
So I said to myself to hell with it, Im gonna flirt back and have a little fun...
I knew this guy was a sweety, and I knew him to say hello to, and I also had heard he was very attentive in the sack....so I went for it. And let me say, he cetainly lived up to his reputation! He was so gorgeous, made me feel so confident in my own skin and was very keen to make it a regular occurence, and so was I
NOT the reaction I was anticipating. XH went on to tell me that he has never stopped loving me, he was just pushing me away so that he didnt get hurt? He claims he wants me back forever blah blah blah. So I have spent the last 2 days with XH, and I have been feeling awesome that my marriage has ben salvaged....til now. XH just went to bed and I have had the first bit of alone time since the one nighter.
it sucks he's making it so hard for you.
Where has that tiny violin gone that Lulu had.....
Oh and that he shouldn't have signed the lease agreement... most likely it will say something about maintaining the property, being responsible for replacing globes etc.
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