Giving Your Children The Things You Missed Out On As A Child.

[Bathsheba]

Who has done this? What was the thing? On reflection was it wise/beneficial?

I'll start. Both DH and I loved learning as children. DH was particularly bright and I was both artistic and at one stage keen to become a doctor. We loved learning but our classroom experiences were quite negative. We both felt herded through the public education system like we were cattle... with disruptive children getting all the attention. We feel that our potential was never realised. So we made a decision early on in our children's lives to send them to the best schools no matter what the cost. Ok so they might not appreciate it... they might want lots of toys instead (which is what DH and i were given to keep us quiet and out of our parent's hair). But we have taken this risk. Maybe it will prove to be the wrong thing to have done... but none of us have crystal balls do we? We fully support our children in their every interest... my DD loved athletics so we funded and supported her through the entire Little Athletics program... our middle child loves art so we make sure he is never short on supplies... our youngest is very social and chatty and loves going to French Club so we do that every Friday.

We don't go on many expensive family outings eg to the zoo/theme parks/cinema/holidays and who knows... maybe these will be things our kids wish they had more of in their lives and will be what THEY give to their kids.

But it is hard... there are so many things on offer these days... you do have to choose... and strike a balance between giving your children what they need, what they THINK they need and what you need to give them as therapy for missing out as a child yourself! Does that make any sense?

[Shanti]

I missed out on sleeping in my parents bed as a child because Mum and Dad didn't think that was the place for kids and that it was called the 'marital bed' so I have no memories of snuggling up in it with Mum and Dad during sleep time. I often remember being in bed at night hiding under the covers as I felt scared of monsters and all those creepy things that hide under your bed at night

So.... we have given our DD our bed to share with us. So she doesn't have to miss out on that like I did as a child. (so we co-sleep).

Not sure if that's one of the things you were talking about above but I felt it was relevant to the question

[*TripleJ*]

i dont know but with my mum beng a single mum and working full time we couldnt do things like sport and dancing until we were much older so i do want to try and get them into something that they like but other than that i think they way i was brought up except with the only one parent thing was good and i'd like to try and do the same for my kids it was very balanced and we werent spoiled with toys etc i dont feel like i missed out on anything as such

[skybie]

i give my kids things that i felt sad about missing out on when i was a child.
We never had any pets, besides the goldfish i bought when i got my first job. My kids have a dog, a cat and bunnies.
We never went hardly anywhere of great excitement as kids. My kids have been on a plane, to all the zoo's, to the cinema, the aquarium and just to the park on a weekly basis.
We always had hand me down clothes and things that we 'out of fashion'. while i have no issue with hand me downs and my kids arent at an age where what they wear particularly worries them, i like to make sure they have nice current season clothes to wear.
As kids we were on budget meals, like sausages, chicken wings ect, most foods that i now cannot stand. and although we're on a limited budget i try and make sure each night is something enjoyable and not repeated constantly.

Am i doing the right thing?? well who knows hey, my kids dont have an excessive amount of useless toys (although i find it hard to hold back on buying things like the smores pony!!) they have an extensive amount of books that they love looking at. (actually DF asked me to thin out their book collection but i refused to) they arent spoilt and never ask for toys when we go shopping. so i guess we're doing ok

[Bathsheba]

Shanti: Yes! Same here! I never felt able to wake my parents at night either so often suffered in silence... also one of the reasons DH and i always keep our bedroom door open and co-sleep too! My 4yo still comes into our bed if he wakes up cold or scared... just the way i think it ought to be But shhh, i'd never tell my parents!

Skybie: Ah yes... with regarding clothing: my mother never let us have any say in what my sister and i wore. She sewed most things herself. All i ever wanted as a child was a plain pair of denim jeans but mum never listened... i had to wear her dresses and skirts (all of which would have looked very cute to me with my adult perspective but at the time i wanted to just fit in with the other kids!). So i have also probably spent too much $ making sure my kids always have something to wear that THEY want to wear. Yes we go to op shops etc but THEY can choose and the money i have saved in op shops has been spent on new jeans that they have loved and worn to death.

[Arimeh]

I've given my kids a father that is physically there for them and actually gives a rats about them.

Somethin I never had.

[Nicambhar]

The words "I love you".
My older children and I say I love you at the end of each phone call and when they go back to their dad's place.
With little Bella, she says it to us now too. As a child and growing up, their was no affection and definately no "I love you" in our house...

[Shanti]

Shanti: Yes! Same here! I never felt able to wake my parents at night either so often suffered in silence... also one of the reasons DH and i always keep our bedroom door open and co-sleep too! My 4yo still comes into our bed if he wakes up cold or scared... just the way i think it ought to be But shhh, i'd never tell my parents!

Same here! My Mum can't believe she's still in our bed, let alone bedroom yet I wouldn't have it any other way!! Can't imagine how scared she would be without me in her own room as I remember being scared of shadows on the wall!!

[Laranna]

I'm giving my kids lots of kisses and cuddles and telling them that I love them every single day. My parents never did that to me or my siblings and still don't to this day.

[Mum2SweetCs]

My parents tried to give us everything with what they got (mum had to survive on bread and butter for lunches). I remember we use to go to school with broken shoes, my sister even had to staple her sole together.

We use to have to buy uniform from the second hand shop at the school and i was so embarrassed about it (everyone else wore nice new uniform).

We couldnt afford extra curricular activities such as all that is to offer now. I remember wanting so much to play the piano but we couldnt afford that.

So for DD, she gets everything (probably growing up being a brat). Her bedroom is so nice and beautiful one which i would have loved when i was young (shared room with sister in 1 bed)

DD has nice shoes, nice clothes. We will make sure we have enough to let her do extra curricular activities but I SURE HOPE SHE GROWS UP KNOWING THE MEANING OF MONEY!

[Mum2SweetCs]

I'm giving my kids lots of kisses and cuddles and telling them that I love them every single day. My parents never did that to me or my siblings and still don't to this day.

Totally agree! Never heard my Mum or dad say they loved us. Always complaining about us but i know deep down they love us but their generation and culture has never expressed love to their kids.

We will break that cycle

[Bathsheba]

Oh yes to the "I love you" too! it must have been a generation thing... Both DH's and my parents rarely expressed any kind of approval let alone an "i love you". We tell our kids daily... sometimes several times a day... and yes we broke the cycle of detached parenting. Though it's not as if our parents were totally heartless... just that their focus was on giving us the stuff they didn't get as children... my mother also never had many clothes as a child which is why she proudly sewed everythign for my sister and i... maybe the biggest gift is to actually LISTEN to our kids?

[littlelara]

A sibling. I went through a lot at a young age, was socially awkward and never had an advocate. I would have so loved someone to share all that with me, to be my witness.
I know people get by just fine as only children (in fact, I think I read a thread about it this morning) but I was so lonely... it was really important for me that Beth (and by default Jordy) had someone to be there with them, an ally if at all possible. Luckily they get along well and seem to like each other; I know it could all have gone badly but by having another baby I was at least creating the possibility.
I'm also here, at home, spending time with my children, talking to them. I don't think my mother was ever present either physically or emotionally.
I'm doing my best to make sure my daughter is never afraid of me, so I do not give myself permission to smack because I know that if I was angry enough... well, it doesn't even bear thinking about.
Don't get me wrong, I could do more; I could play with them more and I could get angry less, but at least I'm trying to make changes.
Let my cubs have their own baggage, at least they won't have mine if I can help it

[Rach75]

I try to be affectionate and give heaps of cuddles and kisses Jase trys to say I love you

I am not one for hugs I even feel weird hugging my mum or sister (in fact my sister and I made a pact the other day basically we love each other but we dont need to hug LOL) anyway...I make sure I hug my biys often I want them to grow up loveing being hugged

Jase's family while big on hugs etc..well the woman are men its a handshake *sigh* they rarely say I love you so Jase tries to make sure he uses the words with the boys,

and I want my boys to know that no matter how old they are they can hug their dad their pop etc, they dont have to resort to handshakes

[Roryrory]

Like Lara, the thing I wanted most was a sibling (ideally an older brother, but mum said I should have asked her sooner LOL!)

The only things I missed out on as a kid were a trip to Disneyland and a horse -I had it all. Private school at secondary level, Russian lessons, ballet, organ, guitar, piano, callisthenics, Brownies, horse riding, school camps, swimming, netball, hockey -anything. Mum was a single parent and sacrificed heaps to indulge my every desire. I didn't stick with any of it, mind you, but I had it all.

What I didn't have was holidays and time with mum and dad together. Aside from dad dying when I was nine, they were both always so busy working - mum cleaning the house and at her part-time job and dad at his job and doing renovations. We had one family holiday I can remember.

So for me, it's more about the lessons and schooling but more about the "family unit" activities that is my focus.

[Bathsheba]

Yes, that reminds me Rory: They say "A family that plays together stays together". My upbringing was an example of what not to do: play apart. My parents argued about who should have to take the kids with them every weekend... Mum wanted to play golf and dad wanted to sail. Neither particularly wanted us dumped with them. So usually we were taken around to grandparents or aunts and uncles while our parents played separately... or we had to hang around and amuse ourselves at the yacht club... sometimes we could go on the boat but mum didn't like that idea either apparently. No wonder they split. On the weekends we have been known to go on family trips to Savers (a big department store op shop) as a family activity LOL but at least we're doing it as a family

[kirsty_lee]

Just subscribing to the thread to reply to it later once dd is in bed and i'm sitting down with my cuppa. Must say Bath, a good thread! And i've read all the replies so far, looking forward to replying later xx

[shellbell3]

Growing up we didn't have much money so never had family holidays or outings that cost alot money so now as a mum I do find those things highly important. I want to take DD to shows/ concerts when they come out and expect us to go away at least once a year, doesn't have to be anything flash, just a few days somewhere in the same state and I'm happy.
I also have a thing with doing alot family things, anything, just a picnic or a drive somewhere, I think as I didn't have the perfect family setting growing up I am trying to recreate for myself and kids what I desperately wanted as a child.