Large families coping skills? I need help!

[squidipa]

May God bless you

[maz]

maybe your children are reflecting the way you speak to them. Are you and DH screaming at each other infront of them? They quit obviously think its the way to do things if your showing them that.
Screaming at a child is just as bad as hitting them pysically in my eyes and yes we are all guilty of it.
Scrap the reward chart and time out...sit at the table and TALK to your kids...its amazing what they will tell you.
We have a job list that we all discussed after I said to mine that its hard for me to do everything and need a little help..so they told me were they can help me and that has become their chore. Our reward at the end of the week is to go to the local playground with BBQ facilities and to have a snag in bread...sometimes the simple things can be the greatest.
Good luck

[squidipa]

May God bless you

[~Lashes~]

he dosent have any one outside the home he could be copying or on tv? my 4yo has taken on his 15yo unkles attitude, witch involves yelling how he hates me when asked or told to do something, punching the walls, if told no, trying to sneak to get his way and hurting his younger brother, its gotten to the point were we only visit grandpa if he is not there, and yes i to yell at the boys, i hate doing it, but at the moment it is the only way i feel my eldest hears anything. i just hope we get him out of it befor new bub arrives, or i get to stressed to manage!
hope you find something that works, no cartoons worked here for a bit, but like everything else, he just stoped caring about it.

[squidipa]

May God bless you

[bubno.3]

Hey for dinner i at times split the times kids eat.... like my little one 28 mth old will eat either his veges or wheetbix (yes for dinner lol) at 5pm then he is changed and ready for bed by 6/7pm with a bottle.... Then with him out of the way the main dinner is cooking and dh gets home at 6sh so we dh me ds 16 and ds 10 eat at 8pm at the latest! then after dinner ds 10 helps clear the plates and then he brushes his teeth toilet then bed to read for 1/2 hr depending the time of course.

With you maybe at 4 pm your younger ones ds 12 ds 9 could help do the veges or make the table for dinner whilst you get your baby and ds1 fed and settled and put 6mth old in basinette or cot or wherever .. then you could tackle the ds5 with his bath/homework and maybe somehting to eat depending on how ratty he is lol and then by 6pm at least you have 3 including the baby organised fed and ready for bed . Sometimes the whole family eating at the table has to fly out the window when your doing it alone .... NOW it is about 6pm and stuff when your husband comes home (i say it that way as it seems he doesnt help anyway so...) you can actually have a glass of wine and continue with your dinner and hopefully by 7pm you dh and the two older kids will be fed ..... Does that sound like a plan that would be doable at your house?

[squidipa]

May God bless you

[bubno.3]

BUT you cant spread yourself so thin 24/7 you will go mad!

[squidipa]

May God bless you

[maz]

Why the hell ar eyou spending so much time on your DD with her homework??? Cant she do it herself so you can look after the younger children?
Your house need's a bloody routine woman...get up sort one out. Sorry to be so hard but some tough loving is what you need.

get the kids in on stuff. get outside and go for a walk, go to a park and let the kids kick a footy or something. try doing some positive stuff for yourself!

Put C in a carrier if he wants ot be held, you can still do stuff that way. Man Ive got 2 special need's kids and I still do stuff. You are letting the situation get you down...get up or im coming up to drag you up!!!

[~Lashes~]

Your house need's a bloody routine woman...get up sort one out. Sorry to be so hard but some tough loving is what you need.

You are letting the situation get you down...get up or im coming up to drag you up!!!

that exactly what df keeps telling me!!!! we need a routine, blah blah, would actualy be nice if he was consistant as well might help me stay up with the consistancey!

your 2 that share sound like my 2, if its a dietry problem and you have told the care lady, maby find somewere else to have him? if not is there higher up you could speak to, imagine if it were a severe alergy!

im just learning what keeps my mood up, so far its working, hope it keeps up, and you find your level to!

[squidipa]

May God bless you

[maz]

Sorry Kitty I got nothing more for you....Im just trying to give something back to what yourve asked.
Yourve gotta be willing to help yourself and take onboard that yep...**** has hit the fan and now how am I going to fix it if I think it needs fixing. Stop looking for excuses, yourve asked for a bit of guidance and all we can do is try and give you what you asked for

Doesnt matter if DH is doing things differently..makes no difference..your kids will know the rules you have if you are consistant yourself.

What do I know I must just be a hard arses ***** of a mother

[squidipa]

May God bless you

[maz]

start sorting that crud sister and your gonna feel so much better.
can you escape out for even 10 mins by yourself, even if its just for a walk to get some head space for yourself???
Dot ask DH to look after the kids, tell him! YOu need to do something chick other wise your gonna fall in a big hole...and im telling ya its blood hard getting out

[bubno.3]

Oh wow that is tuff love talking but c'mon we really cant pre judge the women we dont live in her house and we dont live with her husband or her children.... HOWEVER i do think these children soemtimes take some mums for granted and the mums forget that they dont have to do it ALL !!

Im in agreeance with the homework you cant spend all the time on one child as your are not bionic women ok and this child just may need an extension ?? As with the food stuff get some diet happening that the whole family can eat .....
Put the babys in prams cots etc etc and try to say NO to any other demands the kids put on you ...does that make sense ?

Dinner as i stated start it at 4 30 if need be and at least feed the younger two this they are done ok
Homework you will need to sort somesort of roster as you cant spend 6-7 hrs (what time does he go to bed?)
Bed time : again set bedtime times and stick to them

All this is is for you to get your time ok

Dont worry im over being pregnant and i cant even cope with a ds 10 and my 28mth old right this minute

[~me~]

Ahh Kitty, it's not easy and you are being awfully hard on yourself and seemed to bearing the load for the whole household.
When the kids get up in the morning, do they make their own beds?
So, you have 3 in School? While they are at school, get a dinner ready during the day for the family.
When the kids come home, get them to do some of the chores, washing dishes whatever they can manage, even if it's just putting the cutlery away.
At 5pm let the little ones have their dinner including DS5 and get the older ones to help out while you get the bath ready and feed Chakotay (he could have had dinner with the little ones and only need a BF to get him to sleep). If you can get your little ones in bed by 7pm, job is half done. Get your DH to sort out DS9 and DS5. Even if the communication lines are down between you and your DH he still has to pull his wait with the kids.
That leaves you quite a bit of time to help DD12 with this project.
If this doesn't suit, let your DH take all the kids for an hour and try and work out something that is going to make things a little easier than they are.
Preparing ahead has always worked for me, and a strict routine.
No-one expects you to be a super mum..do they really exist LOL!
I suppose you could look at it this way, try and get the kids a routine that works around you rather than you have a routine that works around them.

Tonight is Friday...I loooove Friday! I don't cook, kids have a cold plate (takes 5mins to throw it on a plate). Meals can be easy and nutritional. I let the kids watch a movie till bed, no stories, teeth and bed. Friday is what I consider to be my night off.
Think of yourself, you are very important to your family, never doubt that.

[maz]

bubno 3 - im not judging Kitty at all...im simply just giving her a reply to what she has asked.
She's asking for help and Im just giving my opinion.
Sorry for talking 3rd person Kitty, Im not trying to be mean or horrible to you and im sorry that is how my post's sound.

I know were you are right now..you are me 4 months ago. Its horrible and I just wished someone was there to pull me off my butt and snap me out of it!

I had a total change in me and my family are better for it. Bottom line, I had to change and better ME for my family to benefit.

Sorry if my tacktick's **** anyone off..I say it how I feel it too