Warning...huge ramble ahead!!

[C~Q]

I have these thoughts going around in my head and i'm going to try and see if I can make sense of them...!

So i've been thinking about life and how I expect, at a very basic level, that i'm going to have all these things. At some point I WILL meet the man of my dreams, at some point my kids WILL go to Uni, I WILL own my own house, I WILL find that allusive place where I am "happy".

I will have all of these things because this is my life and I will have it all play out before I die. Its my life and it's so important because it's mine and I am the most important person in the world (please bear with me...). I mean, basically we are...if I don't take care of myself I can't take care of anyone else...

But what about all the people that don't "get" everything or even anything that they want? What about the people that meet the perfect person and then die?? How does that happen? Their life is important, they are the most important person in their life but they don't get to have "everything"...why not? Why can some people get things and not everyone?

how about people that live in 3rd world countries that have nothing, that have to watch their kids die, how do they deal with not having what they want to have to live their "perfect" life?

Does any of this make sense or is it all just verbal diarrhea? I'm finding it really hard to put my thoughts into writing...

I guess i'm realising that I am so wrapped up in trying to have everything that I think I need for my life to be perfect...and i'm so ridiculously lucky, I have never had anyone very close to me die, i've had hard times financially but i've ALWAYS pulled through. I have never had a problem I couldn't deal with. I am so lucky...so, so lucky. I can't quite understand or believe that others are not...

And why not?? Their lives aren't less important than mine...but why do they have to deal with awful things?

Oh wow, i'm sorry if this makes no sense at all...and no i'm not drunk or stoned lol. Does anyone understand what i'm trying to say??

[megs]

Yes I understand you. I work in an area that involves welfare and I see people who have been dealt some really hard hands and struggle with day to day needs, but still have a smile on their face and are grateful for the small things they do have.

I find it hard as I feel guilty for wanting renovations done urgently to my home, now my house is old, in many rooms very rundown e.g thredbare carpet (I live in a farm house old and like many farmers no money put into it) but all in all the house is spacious, clean and functional and we can live our lives well. I feel bad when I know that in comparison some people live with far less, but then I think I work hard, and I too deserve what I consider to be necessary for me to feel fullfilled.

I guess it is the say, why do bad things happen to good people, know one will ever know the reasons they face the challenges that are put before them.

I think I am now rambling, but would love to see others perspectives on your thoughts

[Lulu]

Ah, yeah I sort of understand.

Not everyone wants a perfect life though. I know I don't, I just want to live my life with a smile on my face and the rest I will just go with. That's not to say I don't work towards any goals, but nothing is guaranteed.

I'd like certain things but if I don't get them, that's cool.

Like megs, I know a lot of people with a far from perfect life by any measure but they still are happy.

[megs]

I guess everyone's definition of a perfect life is different and what one pereceives as making their life perfect would be to another the idea of a horror movie.

e.g My girlfriend lives for travel and holidays abroad with her children. That doesn't appeal to me, I happy to have holiday within the state I live in even if its only 2 hours down the road, that's perfect to me, where as to her that would be boring. Just our differences in what we want out of life

[Lulu]

True dat.

Although my point is that I don't seek perfection. Unperfect is cool too.

CQ - you could reach out and help those less fortunate in life - share the wealth so to speak. That doesn't always mean finances, but a little to us is a lot to some.

[megs]

I hear you LuLu, I also think perfection is also hard to reach as the goals probably keep shifting. So do you ever really obtain perfection as such.

I agree with community work, at the moment I am a bit pushed for time but I know when I have more free time volunteer work is something I want to do, give something back as such.

I have promised myself this year that I am going to by for the local Christmas Tree appeal I have kept saying I would and just never got around to it but this year I am going to. Small steps

[CatherineL]

It is sad and I don't know how some people manage. I think alot has to do with outlook on life though. I don't think 'i'll be happy when...' sort of people will ever be happy - you have to learn to be grateful for right now. We all have things to be grateful for. My mum comes from a country of poverty, I think they used to just prey and hope for food for their next meal than wishing for a massive house and sports car. I think faith has alot to do with getting them through it too... They believe a higher power will provide and that gets them through day to day with that belief. I know my mums family of 9 brothers and sisters have always been very close and they were always very thankful to have each other.

[thepixie]

I think I get you CQ. It's like a lot of personal development stuff out there these days is all about how you create your own reality, believe it and you will see it, positive affirmations etc. There's definite benefits of a positive attitude but I think some of that stuff goes a bit too far in the sense of promising too much, and almost blaming people if they don't 'manifest their dreams'.
I just don't think life is that simple, or that controllable. No one has a perfect life (except maybe Posh and Becks or Brad and Jen) we all have to try to accept what we can achieve in life, and the random crap that gets thrown at us (and random crap gets thrown at everyone sometimes). Some people survive things we can't imagine being able to endure, others seem to have a picture perfect life. You are the most important person in your world, so you owe it to yourself to be happy, with or without the house, car or man. Those things won't necessarily make you happy or make everything perfect.
A lot of it is about perspective too... I went to some tiny villages in India where there were people who were poorer than I could have ever imagined. But they radiated genuine happiness. Much more so than people I knew at home who had nice houses and cars and jobs etc. One friend said "they don't know any better" to which I replied "yeah and we're so smart we know better than to be happy with all the sh*t we've got". But they were happy because they had a different perspective. In their religion/ philosophy, they don't have only one life, they have dozens, hundreds. They don't have to achieve everything this time round, the way we feel we do. I think that sense of longevity gave them the ability to be happy with where they were without feeling the pressure to be, have, experience and accomplish it all in such a short life.
Anyway I'm rambling too now.... Is that kind of what you're getting at or am I totally off the beam?

[Lulu]

So i've been thinking about life and how I expect, at a very basic level, that i'm going to have all these things. At some point I WILL meet the man of my dreams, at some point my kids WILL go to Uni, I WILL own my own house, I WILL find that allusive place where I am "happy".

I will have all of these things because this is my life and I will have it all play out before I die.

I think you might run into trouble with this train of thought hun. Do you realise how many planets would have to align in order to get this elusive place to be happy? You find after awhile that there will always be some sort of blah to deal with through your life. You don't get to this perfect place then just sit there and live.

Getting the very very most of out life includes feeling pain, hurt, joy and passion. None can exist without the other. You might not end up with 3 children at uni. Simply because they might not want to go. You can't control other people to that point, nor do you want to.....but does that bugger up the big picture for you? (Interchange any one of those scenarios). You cannot just command this to work out for you and expect it because you wish it so. I know you know that

So then comes the acceptance, the release and the freedom away from wants and manifestation and the need to be happy all the time (yah know cos apparently sadness is terrible ). I find the less wants I have, happier I am.

That's my ramble right back atcha

ETA - oh and I meant to say you have to be happy in the here and now, not wait to gather everything to take to a perfect life. What if you get hit my a bus tomorrow . That's my fave saying anyhoo

[Fleur]

But what about all the people that don't "get" everything or even anything that they want? What about the people that meet the perfect person and then die?? How does that happen? Their life is important, they are the most important person in their life but they don't get to have "everything"...why not? Why can some people get things and not everyone?

how about people that live in 3rd world countries that have nothing, that have to watch their kids die, how do they deal with not having what they want to have to live their "perfect" life?

Does any of this make sense or is it all just verbal diarrhea? I'm finding it really hard to put my thoughts into writing...

I guess i'm realising that I am so wrapped up in trying to have everything that I think I need for my life to be perfect...and i'm so ridiculously lucky, I have never had anyone very close to me die, i've had hard times financially but i've ALWAYS pulled through. I have never had a problem I couldn't deal with. I am so lucky...so, so lucky. I can't quite understand or believe that others are not...

And why not?? Their lives aren't less important than mine...but why do they have to deal with awful things?

Oh wow, i'm sorry if this makes no sense at all...and no i'm not drunk or stoned lol. Does anyone understand what i'm trying to say??

Yep, I getcha.

[Sagres]

I understand what you are saying. I don't understand why some people aren't as fortunate as we are, and as you say can't reasonably expect for these good things to happen in their lives. I don't have any useful answer but I think it is a good thing to see the bigger picture and how we fit in it and how fortunate we really are.

[C~Q]

I think you might run into trouble with this train of thought hun. Do you realise how many planets would have to align in order to get this elusive place to be happy? You find after awhile that there will always be some sort of blah to deal with through your life. You don't get to this perfect place then just sit there and live.

Getting the very very most of out life includes feeling pain, hurt, joy and passion. None can exist without the other. You might not end up with 3 children at uni. Simply because they might not want to go. You can't control other people to that point, nor do you want to.....but does that bugger up the big picture for you? (Interchange any one of those scenarios). You cannot just command this to work out for you and expect it because you wish it so. I know you know that

So then comes the acceptance, the release and the freedom away from wants and manifestation and the need to be happy all the time (yah know cos apparently sadness is terrible ). I find the less wants I have, happier I am.

That's my ramble right back atcha

ETA - oh and I meant to say you have to be happy in the here and now, not wait to gather everything to take to a perfect life. What if you get hit my a bus tomorrow . That's my fave saying anyhoo

I know thats the thing, the totally random thing...in my head i'm going to have everything I want...I have to because it's my life and my life is everything in the world. But it's not...I guess i'm trying to say that in my head i'm wrapped up in myself and my little bubble but thats not real, and i'm only really just starting to really SEE that thats not real...am I making sense?? I feel like i've been living inside my head, and never really realising that everyone feels the way about their world that I feel about mine.

I think i've been thinking about this because I saw Les Miserables this evening and it's been in my head for a few days. This guy steals a loaf of bread (victorian?? times) and goes to jail...trys to run away gets caught ends up in jail for 19 years. Now I know it's just a story but these things happened...a lot. Now we hear about that and go "wow, thats ****" but who really imagines it. Trying to save someone who is starving and ending up in jail for 20 years. Really imagine it...but that would never happen to me because my life would never end up like that because it's going to be "perfect" and I live in my bubble...do you see what i'm saying??? Those people probably thought the same thing and yet it happened to them.

And what about people that stood up for something they believed in...black people, Jews, Christians...all the millions of people that have sacrificed their lives so that we can live these amazing lives...we go "wow, thats amazing, thank goodness for them" but can you really imagine doing that? And for the most part no one knowing your name years later?? These people were the most important things in their (and others) worlds and yet they gave up everything to help other people.

I almost feel like i'm waking up and realising that other peoples lives are as in depth and fantastic and amazing in their heads as mine is in my head. And i'm struggling with it to be honest. It's blowing my mind. How can we all have this much going on in our heads/lives...every singleone of us. And yet some people chose to fill their days working a job that can barely be called a job, sunbaking and playing with thei kids and othes chose to put everything on the line and change the world.

I'm just feeling a little bit useless to be honest, and in awe.

It's funny you should say about voluteering. I've just been looking on line at what I can do, I can't give money but I can give time. And I want to...I just don't know how/where. If any one has any ideas i'd love to hear them...

Not sure if this cleared up what I was getting at or made it more muddy lol

[Lulu]

Try Reading Recovery at the kids school. That changes lives, and should be easily accessible for you.

I think we all go around in a bubble for awhile. It's good for the soul when it pops. My fave weekend paper article is in The Age Good Weekend. It's called The Two of Us and looks at the story of friendships and intersecting lives on the one page. Amazing stuff.

I remember at one stage what you are doing now is all you wanted in the world for a long time. You have that now. Time for the next adventure, and if it's enriching your life by opening your mind to the enormity of the world you live in you will only be propelling forward xoxoxo

[~StarBright~]

I think a lot of it comes down to perceptions... the divide between happiness and sadness and fairness, basically life isn’t fair and people don’t always get what they deserve, good or bad. Everyone has their own idea of what is important to make them happy- and everyone has their own dreams about what they want for their future, and the truth is we don’t all get it. Some people have the things that you might want, but then they have their own list of other stuff they want for themselves. Also someone might look at things in your life and be like ‘OMIGOD IIII want THAT’ But to you its just something normal.

Does that make sense?????

There are stories all the time of good people having horrible things happen to them, and awful people who just cruise through life, and it seems wrong. But you know what, deeper beneath the surface, the nice people who have horrible stuff happen to them, probably use that experience to better themselves even more, and the horrible people who seem to have a perfect life are probably sad about something we couldn’t even comprehend!! And also I think that back to the perception of things, what someone sees as horrible might not be so bad as what the person going through it thinks. Like with the people in third world countires.. it may sound harsh, but we see them through our eyes and compare their situation to our lives as we know it- for them- they don’t know any different. They may be perfectly happy with what they have, all their boxes may be ticked, we just have different boxes.

For you personally though, with your list, it’s putting a lot of pressure to get the things to "be happy" does it mean you cant be happy til you get them?? What if you get them and then your still not happy???? Would you rather be "happy" that your kids have the opportunity to go to UNI, but its ok if they don’t want to. Can you be happy that you’re comfortable in a rented home, rather than struggling to OWN one? Can you be happy that you are open to meeting someone rather than feeling the pressure of analysing whether every person you meet may or may not be THE ONE???

Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh... but i kind of think in your post you kind of answered your own question, stuff happens, we have some control to how we react to things, but you could meet "the one" and then be hit by a bus, and you wasted all that "waiting" time being un happy. Be happy within yourself, and the other things will fall into place, how ever they fall.

Sorry if this ramble is all over the place tantrumming 2yr old today making it hard to think....

This kind of thought really gets me thinking about the whole "what happens when we die thing" coz that would make it easier for me to accept things if i could rationally say ok, this happened to so and so because of this, and now that they have gone through this experience they will reap this reward later.. but the truth is we just dont know. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing- but what I take from it- is that we don’t know- we don’t know if this life contributes to the next other than what lessons we pass on to our kids. And so I think we can only live in the moment and find happiness in the simplest of things. Maybe thats how its supposed to be- so that everything we do is authentic and to keep us on our toes. If we knew that it was all for nothing we would most likely all go run a riot and it would be chaos. And if we knew for sure that there were huge consequences, we would be able to enjoy the here and now because we would be too focussed on "the next life"....

Ok, now i have rambled too much!!!

In saying that I would be “happy” to win millions of dollars so I don’t have to stress about money and in my illusion I would never have a problem again in my life- but deep down I know that’s not true, life would still throw me a curve ball, and I’m not going to be unhappy until I win my millions, coz what if it never happens??????? I would be unhappy forever!!!

[~StarBright~]

I think a lot of it comes down to perceptions... the divide between happiness and sadness and fairness, basically life isn’t fair and people don’t always get what they deserve, good or bad. Everyone has their own idea of what is important to make them happy- and everyone has their own dreams about what they want for their future, and the truth is we don’t all get it. Some people have the things that you might want, but then they have their own list of other stuff they want for themselves. Also someone might look at things in your life and be like ‘OMIGOD IIII want THAT’ But to you its just something normal.

Does that make sense?????

There are stories all the time of good people having horrible things happen to them, and awful people who just cruise through life, and it seems wrong. But you know what, deeper beneath the surface, the nice people who have horrible stuff happen to them, probably use that experience to better themselves even more, and the horrible people who seem to have a perfect life are probably sad about something we couldn’t even comprehend!! And also I think that back to the perception of things, what someone sees as horrible might not be so bad as what the person going through it thinks. Like with the people in third world countires.. it may sound harsh, but we see them through our eyes and compare their situation to our lives as we know it- for them- they don’t know any different. They may be perfectly happy with what they have, all their boxes may be ticked, we just have different boxes.

For you personally though, with your list, it’s putting a lot of pressure to get the things to "be happy" does it mean you cant be happy til you get them?? What if you get them and then your still not happy???? Would you rather be "happy" that your kids have the opportunity to go to UNI, but its ok if they don’t want to. Can you be happy that you’re comfortable in a rented home, rather than struggling to OWN one? Can you be happy that you are open to meeting someone rather than feeling the pressure of analysing whether every person you meet may or may not be THE ONE???

Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh... but i kind of think in your post you kind of answered your own question, stuff happens, we have some control to how we react to things, but you could meet "the one" and then be hit by a bus, and you wasted all that "waiting" time being un happy. Be happy within yourself, and the other things will fall into place, how ever they fall.

Sorry if this ramble is all over the place tantrumming 2yr old today making it hard to think....

This kind of thought really gets me thinking about the whole "what happens when we die thing" coz that would make it easier for me to accept things if i could rationally say ok, this happened to so and so because of this, and now that they have gone through this experience they will reap this reward later.. but the truth is we just dont know. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing- but what I take from it- is that we don’t know- we don’t know if this life contributes to the next other than what lessons we pass on to our kids. And so I think we can only live in the moment and find happiness in the simplest of things. Maybe thats how its supposed to be- so that everything we do is authentic and to keep us on our toes. If we knew that it was all for nothing we would most likely all go run a riot and it would be chaos. And if we knew for sure that there were huge consequences, we would be able to enjoy the here and now because we would be too focussed on "the next life"....

Ok, now i have rambled too much!!!

In saying that I would be “happy” to win millions of dollars so I don’t have to stress about money and in my illusion I would never have a problem again in my life- but deep down I know that’s not true, life would still throw me a curve ball, and I’m not going to be unhappy until I win my millions, coz what if it never happens??????? I would be unhappy forever!!!

[C~Q]

IFor you personally though, with your list, it’s putting a lot of pressure to get the things to "be happy" does it mean you cant be happy til you get them?? What if you get them and then your still not happy???? Would you rather be "happy" that your kids have the opportunity to go to UNI, but its ok if they don’t want to. Can you be happy that you’re comfortable in a rented home, rather than struggling to OWN one? Can you be happy that you are open to meeting someone rather than feeling the pressure of analysing whether every person you meet may or may not be THE ONE???!!!

Thanks hun...and can I say thanks to everyone that has answered...it's so interesting to me to hear what everyone thinks.

When I talked about all these things to make my life "perfect" I kind of didn't mean it...I mean, I meant it but only in a certain place in my mind...not in reality...does that make sense. And the examples I used were just things I plucked out to make people understand where I was coming from...although I do want those things they may not be the mst important things iykwim?? I would like the kids to go to uni but I don't mind if they don't, I guess what I mean is more the idea that they can if they want. In my perfect life there won't be any other reason other than they don't want to go. Does that make sense?

I don't think I have any question here really, it's more a big blurt out of what was in my head. And I think I can narrow it down to me trying to comprehend that inside of every single person is the same thing that is inside of me...all the thoughts, dreams, dramas, fears...it's all in all of us and I don't live in my own version of the Trumen Show...or do I...lol

[Sagres]

When I talked about all these things to make my life "perfect" I kind of didn't mean it...I mean, I meant it but only in a certain place in my mind...not in reality...does that make sense. And the examples I used were just things I plucked out to make people understand where I was coming from...although I do want those things they may not be the mst important things iykwim?? I would like the kids to go to uni but I don't mind if they don't, I guess what I mean is more the idea that they can if they want. In my perfect life there won't be any other reason other than they don't want to go. Does that make sense?

Yep I totally understand and knew you didn't literally mean you were running around trying to make life perfect. Hearing your loud and clear.

[~StarBright~]

Yeah i think i got that, those are things you would love to have- and realistically you can have them and you are probably working towards getting them.. and it got you to thinking what do other people strive for.... which got me thinking why do we strive at all.. lol what is the point to life and what is the real motivation for each individual to do things.....

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........