Some of you probably know the decision I have to make but I really would rather not have responces specific to my situation if that makes sense lol (I have the other thread for that!)
But i'd really like to know how people make their decisions? Head or heart? Combination of both? Do you blindly go with what just "feels" right? What if it's wrong? What if you end up making things worse? Although I really do believe that I will make the best of any situation no matter what happens...
I kinda go with my heart, cause if my heart aint happy it isn't worth it... I know I should think with my head for various reasons, but you can make decisions with your head and still not be happy in your heart and really, happiness is the key... Make sense.
Head. I am a worrier and I lose sleep over hard decisions, so I am the one to think with my head. I have made decisions with my heart in the past and looking back, they would have been better had I used my head first. If I didn't have children I would probably be more inclined to think with my heart more often.
So do you think that having kids should change the way you make decisions or change that little inner voice? Not trying to be difficult, I honestly want to know...Lisa have you ever gone against something you felt was right in your heart because you have kids? And did it turn out to be the right decision?
Absolute sense Nic...but what if heart decisions don't leave you happy?
I go with a little bit of both. I'm not sure you can really separate them TBH because if my head says something my heart will eventually follow, and if I feel something strong enough in my heart I will eventually find strong head justifications for that. I can't say I've ever been in a position where I feel divided for very long. I do think that kids do change things though, as in my head will always lead me along paths that are in their best interests, but then sometimes what is best for me is in their best interests. I think it has to be situation specific... Not much help am I, lol.
I tend to trust my instincts regardless of how the heart or head feels about a situation. I've not read the other thread so do not know what its about BUT I kinda believe there are NO bad decisions, whatever you decide is right.
If it makes a situation worse then clearly there was a lesson that needed to be learned no matter how difficult
If it makes a situation better then great.
Worse case scenario if I cannot hear my little inside voice I write a list of pro's and cons for each way and see how they marry up. If that fails I flip a coin needless to say I have never flipped a coin.
I have gone against my heart and the decision turned out to be the best thing for my kids & me. Looking back now, I dread to think about the life we'd have had if I followed my heart.
I actually have had one time where I listened to my heart more than my head and it was when my DH moved in with me and my older 2 kids. I guess in a way it was more of a head decision though as I contemplated moving to the other side of Australia at one stage just to be with him.
I have taken jobs that my heart tells me not to take but my head knows is the right choice and they have turned out to be great. I sometimes think that your heart will follow if your head is happy... if that makes sense?
I used to always go with my heart. I believe you need to truly be happy for you to be a great parent etc.
however I recently made a decision with my head instead. I can tell you it's a totally different feeling. And I wish I had gone with my heart to be honest but il just have to see how this works out. sometimes your head and your heart can be the same choice. That's too easy though right?
I'm not sure which thread you are referring to either but I know that the one thing people search for all their lives is love and happiness and if that's the choice then i I'd take it...
I was a "heart" girl.. that got me into too many silly relationships, a "starter" marriage, another engagemant etc.. you get the drift....
Since having my children, I have had to be a head girl.. I honestly dont think you can raise happy, healthy children by following your own heart, you have to follow theirs.
If I followed my own heart these last few years, or my "wants", we'd be in a much different, probably worse, place.
I have wanted to move to Newcastle, the Gold Coast, buy a farm, (WTF?) move countries etc... not just top of my head stuff, properly looked into and all.... and to be honest, although my kids would of been "ok", I didnt have them to be just ok, I want them to be happy and stable, so my wants/needs are pushed aside, just for now!!!
But that said, had my "heart" wants been great for the kids long term too, then it might be a different story!!!
I tend to go with my heart. And in hindsight, not a good idea. I don't trust my own instincts enough, and tend to jump into situations. Even with my head saying no, no, no, I try to ignore it.
When the decision involves the kids, I try to go what is best for them, But the best thing for them, may not be the best for me!?
I'm a little of both. I do think more with my head when since having kids. I think, because I have to be aware if the long term outcome.
Saying that though, my head and heart can be on the same wavelength. My head does a little tweaking of the heart to make it all work. Does that make sense?
You know, it doesn't always have to be one or the other doing the decision making. They can work in harmony.
Hi CQ, you're still trying to decide hey? I think my decisions are made with 'logic' I always have a back up plan if I'm going with my heart though. But I think mostly I like life to be an adventure with some security attached. For example I could just pack up and go traveling with no idea where I'm heading just as long as I had money in the bank to get me home if need be. A good example of this type of decision making is we currently have an opportunity to go to Townsville for 6 months. We would have left within 2 weeks of deciding but as it turns out if dh left his job here then he wouldn't have it when he got back, so there was no security on the other side of our adventure. I LOVE where we live and our life here but I also desire something different and to LIVE and experience different things so 6 months in another town would have been fantastic but just not practical unless dh's work gave him 6 months off. I also find it helpful to do a 'timeline' close my eyes and imagine the 1st option in it's current time frame, walk forward a step and let your mind take you however far into the future it takes you, it could be 6 months down the track, 1 year, 5 year, 10 years etc and see how that life/decision 'feels' what's happening etc. Then do that same thing for the other situation/decision and I find that one option is really clear and that is based on how it FEELS, you know the subconcious stuff, it will shine through, I might feel regret, loss, deep happiness, anger, love, freedom so many different things and one of the options will stand out as the wrong one. Goodluck hon
Wow thanks guys so many amazing posts! The decision is about where to live, not about love...my current DP is there but he probably won't be after about 6 months and I don't intend to move with him when he leaves so I will be staying there if I do move there.
I guess the decision basically is live in a suburb, quite an industrial, ugly area which is close to their Dad in a not so nice house but with current work nearby or move to the beach, with a nicer house, an hour from their Dad (they will still see him the same though) I think better lifestyle for the kids, no potentail work at the moment but having said that I haven't looked into it yet so there may be lots. Also I can get PT anywhere so as long as there are willing clients it is possible...
So do you stay somewhere you don't like for a bit more money or move somewhere beautiful with potentially less income?
It was initially a heart driven idea (like 2 years ago the idea to move was first put to me), but in reality it ended up being a 100% head decision.
I took into account every little aspect of my life, my family, my friends, my emotional well being, my safety, security, finances. It took a lot of planning and I had to take my heart out of it early on in the plan.
Looking back at my life, I saw my mother use her head for every single major decision, taking into account how it would affect and effect me as a primary and her as a secondary. I thank her for doing that, for realising that my wellbeing was equal to, if not more important than her own, as I was the one she depended on for my emotional growth, for my wellbeing, my life. Once I had grown and was self-sufficient, then she could do things based on her heart, and she did and had an enjoyable life.
Well this is pretty fricken exciting...I just called around a few gyms on the Sunshine Coast and pretty much all (and there are a lot!) have Les Mills classes :O So that means I should be able to find work preeeety easily!!! Not being too big headed but I am an awesome instructor, I live and breath it and give everything to my classes so I have no doubt at all that i'll find work there!
Eeeek...might not be all heart to move up there, looks like some head is creeping in!!
My biggest decision I made was similar to yours (but there was no DP).
I moved from Sydney to a small town on the NSW Mid North Coast. The decision was made with my head - I couldn't afford to stay in Sydney as a single Mum of 2. It was hard and my heart was telling me to stay as I was born & raised in Sydney and my Dad, sister & entire extended family were all down there. I chose to move to a town where the unemployment was really low but the housing was much cheaper. My kids had a great life and I worked & studied. I look back and know my decision to move was the best thing, even though it hurt like crazy when I did it.
Wishing you all the very best no matter the choice you make. It sounds like the move would be wonderful for you all though
While my heart makes me take a close look at my options and propel me in a certain direction, it is my head that makes me decide to totally go with it or not. BTW. Sunshine Coast is an awesome place to live. I would be there if I could afford it. And while I wouldn't commute to Brisbane every day for work, it really isn't that far away at all.
That's awesome!!! See, I think you are using your heart AND head. You're thinking of the practicalities of the move and you are aware of it's downfalls etc. It's what your heart is desperate for, if you can make it work, that's fantastic.
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How do you make decisions?
needless to say I have never flipped a coin.
and to be honest, although my kids would of been "ok", I didnt have them to be just ok, I want them to be happy and stable, so my wants/needs are pushed aside, just for now!!!
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