how do u deal with people who are close to u being pregnant?
i just found out my step sister is 8 weeks pregnant. she sat in my house 2 weeks ago knowing she was and didnt say anything to me, and got mum to do her dirty work for her.
2 months, thats all he'd been gone for before they started trying. im hurt beyond belief. how am i ment to deal with this?
woah, this is a tricky one. I am not sure anyone would know how to act or what to think in your family right now, and unless you are all amazing at communicating and working through things together you can probably assume they really didn't know which way to go about telling you???
I have spent the last year supporting a friend who lost her full term baby hours after birth and I have wanted to shelter her from so many things that I think and have experienced with my baby (born weeks before) but quickly saw that it wasn't helpful for either of us for me to be constantly watching my words and trying not to hurt her further. How could I possibly hurt her any further, she was in such deep grief, a mother grieving her baby. Life was moving whilst she was stopped in her tracks. What I could do was support her and love her no matter where she was when I saw her or talked to her. We are blessed to be able to gift each other with honesty in a trusted relationship, this takes a truck load of work and consciousness from each person.
What you can do is work with everything that this scenario is pushing and bringing up for you, it's totally ok whatever it is, don't be polite about it, but if you cannot 'work' through it with sister or mother then support yourself and work with it elsewhere. THis moment is another moment for you to work with this and free yourself just a tiny bit more as you walk on this challenging path. Keep asking questions of yourself that you may never get the answer to, be gentle and loving with yourself as this latest shock passes through you. And ask for support from those who can be clear and loving without getting tangled in and making it muddier for you.
Keep looking towards something bigger to give you hope and strength as you walk.
Take Carexx
I'm sorry I'm not going to have any advice for you. I don't honestly know how you would deal with something like this. I know it is ineviatable that someone close will fall pregnant eventually I can see how hurt you would be when they were trying when you just went through the loss of you little man.
I send you huge hugs and I think you have the right to feel angry at the moment.
Skybie - ahhh sweetie..... the grief journey is so very demanding.... ladybirdflies said it pretty much perfectly..... I know how tough where you are right now is, and how it just feels so personal.... but most of the time it's not. People are not perfect and they have absolutely no idea how to navigate the recently bereaved. They are scared to hurt you, but in all honestly pretty much everything is going to hurt you right now. And right now it seems the world is full of pregnant women or lil babies....
So how to deal with it? Well a couple of options -
Ignore them or just distance yourself from them. It works for some people. Never did for me really. Well it did for strangers, but not for family and friends. My grief was a time to have the support of those I cherished, even if it was hard for me at times.
Talk to them and tell them that them not telling you hurt and you'd rather them just talk to you, and yes you might cry when you see them, and yes you might cry when they talk about their pregnancy, but that's ok, and that your crying is just how you connect with your Jack.
Don't talk to them, and just muddle through, best you can.
It's hard for them too now. I imagine that they might ( if they are genuine people) feel so guilty that they are pregnant and your Jack is gone too soon. Well that's how I would and have felt.
No one can stop the hurt my blossom, but we can be here to comfort you and help you through.
I guess getting someone else to tell you seems like they are being kind to you but really they are being kind to themselves. They say they do it cause then you can have privacy to react however you need to, which means they know you will take it hard...so why not do it in person in a loving way!
2months is not long enough....but would there ever be a better time? 3months? 4months? 4 years? Jack it meant to be here hun, he is meant to be in your arms! The pain doesnt go away They cant stop living their life no matter how much you wish they could!
I don't want to hurt or offend you, if I do let me know and I'll delete my reply but my view is from the other side of the fence...
Are you sure they didn't have plans if trying before you lost your precious bub? My SIL just m/c, and were ttc #2 at the moment. When we found out about her loss a few days ago I felt guilty for if we conceive soon but we can't put our family plans on hold forever because a) we don't know how long it'll take her to conceive, b) we don't know how long it'll take us to conceive and c) we want our kids close in age for our own reasons. Your step sister probably expected it to take quite some time to conceive, and possibly didn't tell you herself because she cares and didn't want to hurt you.
In saying all that, my point is she probably wouldn't have done it to hurt you, even tho it might seem that way now. It'd be too much to expect you to see it from her side just yet as you need your time to grieve, but go easy on her, every pregnancy is a blessing, maybe just ask her not to talk about it too much in front of you for a while.
just to update, i msged her and said, i would have preffered to hear it from you, im hurting right now so please dont be suprised if you dont see us for a little while.
She lost her nut, asked me if it would make me happy if she got rid of it so i could have a baby first and basically carried on like a little child. my step brother deleted me off fb and his girlfriend put a very very hurtful fb status up about me.
i've written them off, i dont have time or energy for games
i just wanted her to know that i knew and how i was feeling, i didnt antagonise the reaction she gave me in any way. i always end up being the bad person in these situations, even though i havent done a single thing wrong.
If she thought she'd done the right thing by getting pregnant so soon she wouldnt have reacted the way she did, so she knows what shes done isnt right
Sky - you did the right thing, they are being childish. Rise above it, just like you are doing. You are far more the bigger person.... and keep it that way. I am sorry that they weren't adults about it. Hugs for hard times sweetie.
I am lost for words over the reaction from your step sister (in paticular), step brother & his gf. Even if your step sister felt all of those things, there is no need to say it out loud - she could have taken a more respectful approach and acknowledged your feeling in all of this. Glad you have written them off, they sound horrible.
I told mum I wasnt doing christmas this year, it's going to be hard enough to get through without having to see her hugely pregnant, and seeing the other two who blatantly disrespected me. She said you'll be ok you'll be pregnant by then and everyone will be friends again. I keep telling her she's wring but she doesn't get it.
All my step sister needed to say was I'm sorry I didn't tell u myself I understand if u need to take a step back. If she had of said that I would have seen her again, it would have been hard, and it would have hurt but I still would have done it, not now though
Skybie that sounds terrible. I don't blame you 1 bit for not doing xmas. It's hard enough as it is after losing a baby without dealing with immature crap like that! I'm sorry you have been treated this way. A little understanding could have gone a long way on their part. Not very nice at all..
Hugs Skye.
It sucks, it really does and i 100% get you not wanting to do christmas ect, i kinda know.
my situation was different but it was still hard My SIL was already pregnant when i got pregnant But she had the most gorgeous baby belly and i was facing my first christmas with out Kyarna. Nothing anyone says will make it any easier, nothing anyone will do can make it any easier now. They way they reacted was wrong and very childish. As much as it hurts really bad, its only your world that stopped the day jack was born and everyone else carrys on. You never know how these kinds of things effect a angel mummy until you yourself become one xxxx
how do u deal with people who are close to u being pregnant?
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They cant stop living their life no matter how much you wish they could!
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