The No Cry Sleep Solution

[forshelby]

Forgive me if this post is all over the place... I'm exhausted.

I've recently decided to implement some ideas from 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' (Thanks Tellytubby ) and I'm struggling already! So far I'm recording what's happening during the night, in an effort to get a clear idea of where I might be able to improve. Anyway, the first night he woke 9 times. Last night he woke 11 times!!!!!!!!!!!! His longest stretch of sleep was only 1 3/4hrs. I'm so tired, I don't know what I'm doing to mess up his sleep so badly. He wasn't even this bad as a newborn, and seemed to be getting into his night-time sleeps over the last couple of months. I feel like recording what happens is really highlighting just how crap the nights have been... and it makes me feel worse seeing it on paper!

I was able to get up to a 5-6hr stretch most nights........ now (without changing anything I'm doing) I'm getting between 45min and just over an hour. Thing is, he doesn't WANT anything. His nappy is fine, he doesn't want or need a bottle..... he just cries and wants me to hold him in strange positions. He doesn't even seem to like it if I just bring him straight into my bed... he kicks and carries on and all I'm doing is cuddling him. I don't get it? My routine used to work. He used to love co-sleeping. Now he won't sleep on his own, OR with me. Co-sleeping was my last resort to try to avoid extreme sleep deprivation, and now that it's not working anymore I'm lost.

So last nights stats were as follows.
11 wakings
11 1/2hrs night sleep
4hrs daytime naps
15 1/2hrs total sleep.

He's getting a good amount of total sleep for his age........... but it's soooooo broken. I don't want to spend my days lying on the couch trying to nap when DS does. I'm getting nothing done!

Somebody, help! I need ideas.

[Jakabella]

How old is he Hun? (sorry on my phone so can't see sigs or tickers) is he due for a wonder week or developmental leap? I know at the 3 month wonder week Hamish's sleep went haywire and he had been sleeping through! I can look up the weeks and leaps for you if I know how many weeks he is. Hugs Hun I know how hard it can be. H is back to one wake up at night now.. So they do get past it in time xo

[Jaycee]

My little man us exactly the same! He wakes 7-10 times a night, we co-sleep which isn't ideal for me as I sleep in awkward positions when he's in bed which makes my back really sore!

I've also got the book and have tried some of the ideas but I guess it takes time!

Good luck, I feel your pain!

[forshelby]

Jakabella - He was born the day before your little one. Did you change anything to get him back on track??

Jaycee - Oh the backpain is terrible isn't it?! The bigger he gets the harder it is to keep my back straight what with all the wrestling.

[Babyluv]

Hun my DD went through the exact same thing at 4 months old. All of a sudden she was waking hrly to 1.5hrly through the night. She did this every night for 6 weeks and then it stopped. She just decided one day to sleep through the night. Before that she was doing 3-4hrly wake ups, then it went to 1-1.5hrly for 6 weeks and now she sleeps through the night. We have the occassional crappy night but for the most she sleeps through. I didn't change anything either. It's nothing you've done. Just wanted to say there's hope and hopefully it's just a phase and he will be sleeping better in no time. I know how hard it is to function but for now do what you need to do, nap when he does to get through it because it will pass.
Sorry I can't offer any practical suggestions. Goodluck.

[onthefly]

Soemtimes keeping track of iit like this really does make it worse
It could well be a phase associated with his age (let's hope it passes soon!) Actually, sleepign on the couch when you ahvea chance is probably the best thing you can do right now. I would suggest not trying to monitor his sleep or make chagnes till things settle down a bit more first.

[Sammiejane]

I would say that it is probably due to a developmental leap... DD2 was born the same day as Jakabellas Little Man, and a lot of the babies in our group did the same thing, one bad nights i was up every 45-90 mins, this is the week that they are starting to come out of it, so hopefully we will be seeing some changes.

I have not done anything this time around and i agree with MadB, when i was writing down the times that i was up, it was worse... DD2 is awake because she needs me or a feed, i just stopped tracking it and adjusted MY sleep so that i wasn't so tired.... We had been meaning to get a TV replaced in our bedroom and we did that, so often i will go to bed at 8.30-9pm with DH and we will watch TV in there, that way i can fall asleep earlier and get some additional sleep...

THis is not forever, it sucks when they are worse that when newborn, but it will not stay forever... nap when you can and try and enjoy the cuddles as i find thats the only way its easier for me.

Good luck hun xx

[sloane]

i'm inclined to agree with MadB on tracking sleep. my DS was never a great sleeper (and still doesn't 'sleep through' at 2) & (with the benefit of hindisght) i can say that DS changed numerous times - just when i'd think we had some sort of pattern to follow, he'd change - right down to how i would actually be able to get him to sleep. i think around 4 months is notorious for wake-ups & alot of people talk about the 4 month sleep regression.

i remember at about 4 months just giving in & going along with the flow - DS would only sleep on me for naps in the afternoon so we would nap together on the couch. not ideal, but i felt a lot better once i stopped fighting it! by 6-7 months his naps were better & i wasn't napping with him anymore.

fwiw, i don't think you're doing or have done anything to mess up his sleep - he's just being a normal baby! chances are he'll continue to change - but i promise that they do seem to become more predictable!

it is tough when they're waking frequently....so make sure you're getting some down time & 'me' time when you can to recharge your batteries.

[forshelby]

That's the thing though. I feel like if I keep putting off making some changes to our daily routine/ night rituals then it'll never get better. Or is that just my tired lady fog confusing me? It doesn't help that DP is applying more and more pressure for me to get the housework in order. I know his comments come from his ignorance. He thinks I should just put DS down, run around crazily trying to do chores while he screams, then pick up where I left off with him. He ignores the fact that if I let DS cry for more than a few mins he gets totally worked up, and is impossible to settle. He also doesn't factor in sleep deprivation and stress.

I think I'd stress less about doing nothing but napping and cuddling all day if DP was more understanding. When he gets home and the place is a mess, DP gets stuck into me about it sometimes, making me feel totally useless. Also, he criticizes my techniques but has none to offer other than leaving him to CIO. That strategy has always made things worse for us.

It doesn't help that it's been 3 days since DP has helped by taking over one of the evening feeds, or doing bedtime. He only wants to do the fun stuff, like playing and getting DS riled up. Then he's handed back to me to get him to sleep after DP's finished hyping him up. Arrrrgh!!! I ask him to follow my lead but he just ignores and does what he wants.

He's always too tired to help, so whycan't I be too tired to cook or clean? Mother doesn't translate to slave. Or does it? Ok, vent over.

[sloane]

does your DS like a sling or carrier? i never used one with DS but would def plan to for #2. that might free up your hands to get some things done but keep your DS happy too? not sure if it's a practical solution for you.

if you needed to, could you get things done while your DS was in a bouncer/rocker/having some floor time?

sorry, it's a quick one - nap time is over here!

[Sammiejane]

That's the thing though. I feel like if I keep putting off making some changes to our daily routine/ night rituals then it'll never get better. Or is that just my tired lady fog confusing me? It doesn't help that DP is applying more and more pressure for me to get the housework in order. I know his comments come from his ignorance. He thinks I should just put DS down, run around crazily trying to do chores while he screams, then pick up where I left off with him. He ignores the fact that if I let DS cry for more than a few mins he gets totally worked up, and is impossible to settle. He also doesn't factor in sleep deprivation and stress.

I found if i tried to changed things, i became more stressed when it didnt work or when the crying continued...
The housework thing, i hear you on, 2nd time around DH gets it, but still there are days where the eyebrows are raised.

Do you have a sling? people use to say this to me all the time and i didnt try it properly with DD1 and i wish i did, you move differently but folding washing and making beds and picking p bits and vacuuming can be done really easily when baby wearing.
I clean the kitchen with DD2 in the bumbo on the bench so she can see me and she has some things to touch and feel to keep her interested and i talk to her about what i am doing.
I clean the girls bedrooms with her on the bed and she watches the fan go round. Mopping i do when she sleeps (so sometimes i have to miss it for a day or two)

No mother doesnt translate to slave DH has to do stuff when he comes in... i use to huff very loudly about doing things when he was watching TV and then would just start telling him things that he could do to help so we could sit together - 'you know, if YOu do the dishes when i am bathing the girls, we can BOTH sit down together when they are in bed' it took a while, but slowly got through

ETA Snap Sloane!

[onthefly]

Ah, sounds like you have daddy issues as well as baby ones
If he wants housework done so badly, he'd better start doing it, hey? Has he spent much time alone with your baby, actually trying to cope with it? If my DH comes home to a clean house he congratulates me in wonder! He was a SAHD for a while with DS so understands very well how little you can get done with a demanding baby.
Is there a father role model you know amongst family or friends who could talk to him perhaps?

[sas85]

My DD2 STILL does this occasionally, when she's teething, in pain or just before she gets sick, she wakes a lot more if she gets cold too. Granted she doesn't sleep through the night, but mostly she only wakes once. Have you tried panadol? Could bub bet cutting teeth?

DH - Can you strike a deal with him that if he takes bub for an hour (or 2 if you need to cook as well) when he first gets home you will catch up on the housework then? If he thinks you're just relaxing enjoying the baby all day and not doing anything then he shouldn't have a problem taking a shift if that's all he's doing when he gets home. DH and I made that deal when either of us would work and it was one of those days. If I pulled a shift working and he pulled a shift child-minding, then when I came home I'd just child-mind while he worked (the daily house chores) and vice versa, as we both worked part-time and juggled until recently.

[forshelby]

He used to settle in the sling but now he just struggles and fusses making it pointless trying to do chores. He won't do floor time or the bouncer for more than 20 mins first thing in the morning. I use that time to get dressed etc. For the rest of the day, if he isn't on me being rocked to sleep or on the floor with me right in front of him, he just screams. At the most, all I can accomplish is washing his bottles before he gets tired of watching me cleaning and cracks it.

I hope this phase passes quickly. For both DP and DS.

[NaeNae]

OK so I just consulted my trusty Wonder Weeks book and there is a fussy perios from 15-19 weeks with a "stormy period" around week 17 .... remembering that some kids fo earlier and others later it sounds to me like he is smack bang in the middle of a development leap.

No offense to anyone who found the "No cry sleep solution" book a miracle worker but personally I found the documenting sleep made the problem worse for me to deal with ... I threw mine into the fire place (along with a couple of other books along the same lines) and just rode these phases out. They all pass eventually.

its a very trying and tiring time but if your finding yourself MORE frazzled "because the book says XYZ....." throw the book out because there is NOT a book in the whole wide world written about YOUR baby.

If you find it helps ....... read my information and throw it out the window

Nae x

[onthefly]

In my experience, when my kids are like this there's a reason for it. So if you can, by chance, discover this underlying reason and fix it, then good, but most of the time you can't even figure out what it is till after the fact, let alone fix it. So you have to ride it out.
NCSS can work if your baby's issues are habitual, rather than the result of some underlying problem. It certainly won't solve separation anxiety, development 'issues', teething, illness, etc, etc Pantley says as much in the book - if there's other stuff going on, you just have to wait. It still may not work for you anyway of course.

But in general I definitely agree with Nae - if a book gives you grief, give it grief back. Maybe doorstop is kinder than kindling, but anyway

[Arimeh]

I just wanted to give you a hug and let you know that you're definitely not alone!! DD3 is like this, will only sleep on me during the day, and we hold her of a night time as well PLUS she co-sleeps with us - just so she actually gets some sleep!! She was born on the same day as SJ's girl and Jakabella's boy - so she's a day younger than your little dude.

It is hard, and stressful and some days I think I'm going to go insane!!! Then I heave a big sigh, give in and just sit on my fat butt on the couch and try to ignore the mess. And believe me, with 3 other kids running around - its a LOT of mess!! LOL

I think your DH should help out a little more and stop complaining. My DH doesn't complain at all, he just walks in and sees the mess and he knows its been a rough day for me. he doesn't judge, he just starts cleaning the loungeroom while I finish cooking dinner. Then he bathes ALL the kids while I clean up the kitchen after dinner. Then he dresses DD3 while I do some washing or cleaning up the stuff on the floor.

You need him to start pitching in to help you instead of just biatching about the mess. I mean, if he's wasting all this energy having a whinge about it, he would probably be better say ... washing a dish or two!! LOL

We all get it - we really do.

[forshelby]

I wrote a massive response and lost it. I'm resisting the urge to yell out some rather X rated swearwords here. Young ears, and all.

Anyway now DS is screaming inconsoleably because I had to go to the toilet and let him cry. Now he's screaming despite being held. And holding his breath. And choking on his saliva. And scratching me.

I hate this. I'm so not coping.