Is your child nurse nearby? Could go and have a chat or give her a call? This time of year he could even be unwell (mine have both been shockign for the past 6 weeks)
nobody I can call, no. I managed to settle him to sleep again, but not for long I'm sure. Ugghh. It's just one of those days. Or weeks. Or months. Whatever I guess I'm ok. I haven't exploded or burst into flames yet so I'll just have to ride this one out. There's always something upsetting my little man tho. We're always weathering some kind of storm it seems. My survival mode never switches off these days. Every time he gets better something new happens and knocks him back down and into screamy mode. Is it like this for everyone?
Seriously been there too with the Velcro wakeful baby, and it's very hard.
My dd liked a back carry while I did housework at that age...could that help? Otherwise will he watch tv (I know, I know, but you're desperate here). Can you hire a baby swing or vibrating rocker?.
At this point you need to ride out this phase. Your baby can't be 'fixed' and is doing exactly what he needs to do.
You need to survive this the best you can. Housework can be done by anyone. Your ds only as one mummy.
What I have changed is putting him to bed during the day after 1.5 hrs of awake time without fail. He always goes off to sleep. He has a mobile over his cot and he watched that and drifts off. If I see him showing tiered signs then for him he is over tired. That's working well for us at the moment. But who knows what the future holds! Xo
Forshelb, with my son there was almost always 'something' for the first 18 months or so. He had little windows of settled sleep every now and then, but otherwise...
Cut yourself some slack and make sure your husband knows he needs to too.
n2l - It's tempting, but I don't think that'd solve anything...... just add fuel to the fire.
Arcadia - I'll have to learn how to do the back carrying thing..... I haven't tried it yet. It seems awkward? He loves the tv first thing in the mornings, but once he's over it, that's it!
jakabella - Interesting. I might try something like that.
Mad B - Ugh... the light at the end of the tunnel is looking more like a pin***** in a black canvas way off in the distance.
After DP came home and got stuck into a few too many beers, then went to bed early leaving me with baby duties AGAIN, I had a total meltdown. This morning when I got up, I was so tired and beside myself thinking about the day ahead that I just lost it. I put DS down on the loungeroom floor, and went frigging bananas. I cried, I sobbed, I just had to let it all out. FINALLY I think DP might get how hard this is on me. He swears when he gets home tonight he's on duty and I can have a sleep. He says he'll take DS out of the house and visit a friend for a while so I can have some silence. Hm. We'll see if that one comes true, he's broken promises like this before. So I'm not counting on it at all.
Kinda bothers me that I have to have a total freakout to get DP to take notice and get with the program. This is usually the trend. I soldier on and on until I just can't bear the burden on my own anymore, then I crumble and fall apart, and DP steps in and does his part. Then it's back to me for several more weeks of punishment.
I don't think he even realises this is what's going on. I think we need to sit down and discuss each of our responsibilities and come up with some sort of a plan. AND STICK TO IT THIS TIME.
Thanks everyone for the support and ideas... it helps just to know you ladies are all here when I feel like I'm losing it.
i never got the chance to say yesterday that i thought your DH was being delusional if he thought you would have time to get the house spotless with a 4 month old & esp a velcro baby. it's tough, but it really isn't forever - for us it was when DS could walk that he suddenly seemed more independent. he's still a bit velcro but things can actually get done these days!
if the housework slides for a couple of months, tough. unless he wants to do it!!
i hope he sticks to his offer of taking DS out & letting you get a chance to rest or just even watch some tv/read a book. i like your plan of sitting down & really sorting out responsibilities & a plan. one of my favourite sayings is - we're meant to be on the same side, not working against each other!
Screw taking him out of the house! What a load of crap. He should stay home and get some stuff DONE.
You need to give yourself an RDO. Give him advanced warning. Let's say you do it next Saturday, or some other day when you have no commitments. You do whatever you want (sleep, knit, read, bake something fun, whatever) He looks after the baby. And the house. Every time he goes to leave the baby with you, you say "Sorry, I'm on my day off" and politely refuse. You do not feed, settle to sleep, calm, anything. It's your day off. Tell him a week before, and tell him you just want the one day off - it will sound like just a small favour. If you want, tell him he can do whatever he wants the next day. It will give him a good appreciation of how your day actually rolls. And if the house is a mess, you get your chance to go off your tree at him just like he does to you.
I had great success with the NCSS. I skipped the recording bit - I knew that we were having crappy nights, so I really just noted what time her earliest waking was, and assumed it was between 1 and 2 hourly from there. I also noticed when it got better, without writing anything down.
That 17-18-19 week stormy period was ROUGH here. Sleeping was atrocious, and even the sling didn't make things better (although the hammock was pretty good) It was about that time that we started sticking to routines and developing firm rituals aroound sleep - nothing prescribed by anyone, just noting the patterns she was naturally falling into. As she emerged from that Wonder Week episode, we took off travelling, and all routine was thrown out the window. We just let her grab whatever sleep she could, whether we fed her off to sleep on the floor of the tent, or did laps in the pram, or in the carrier or the capsule. Being outside all the time and in new surroundings, she became exhausted and her night sleeps improved a lot.
So, ummm, go camping?
I dunno if that's helpful. (ETA: Fully sure it's not. Sorry!) But I promise that this Wonder Week will pass, so the screaming days will settle down. Do what you can to support him, know that it won't be like this forever, and enjoy what you can.
The thing you said about him wanting to be held in a weird position struck a chord with me - as my DD was like this too and was a shockingly bad sleeper - Is his reflux now under control? because reflux (whether its silent or spewy) can cause all of what you are describing. My DD is still on losec at 22 months for silent reflux and I have always found every routine, book, info I read just made me more stressed as they never worked for me DD. The only times we have been able to get more sleep and a bit of a routine was when she was on the right medication and the right dosage.
My heart just goes out to you, because reading your posts is like a mirror image to how I felt not too long ago.
lol, camping. Yeah an RDO would be nice! I used to have Saturday nights 'off' and get a full nights sleep. That stopped because DP would pull an allnighter instead of getting DS to sleep. I get that it's hard because he's used to sleeping in bed with mummy. So it evolved into- I'll cuddle him all night, and DP gets up to feed, then returns him to me to sleep. Then it changed again, and suddenly DP 'couldn't' even do the feed. If he does get up to him, I can hear DP muttering and swearing, crashing and bashing around in the kitchen making as much noise as he can. This wakes DS up completely, and me. Then DP complains and says I should get up and go to work for him one day of the week (in return for him doing my job for one night). I know he finds it hard, but OMG.
He promised me he'd give me sat and sun to sleep in a few weeks ago, taking DS out for Daddy Son breakfast. That hasn't happened. Now he's called me and said he'll be home late. He doesn't have a choice, so I'm not mad, just disappointed. So there goes tonights break. And I was SO looking forward to bleaching the shower, lol. DP says he'll still look after DS tonight but I'm 90% sure it'll just be until midnight or so, then I'm back on duty all night long.
I guess this has turned into a huge whinging vent. I'm just so sad that DP could go from superdad to this so fast. It's like the novelty wore off. In my family, the mothers needs come last.
i was thinking something along the lines of reflux or gas or colic due to the fact that he cant seem to find a comfy position. maybe a cold coming on, maybe teething already? maybe you could take him to a GP just for a check up and a chat also. i found with my DD1 she hated the cot, so we co-slept and i do admit that always worked but i also tried sleeping her on a mattress on the floor in a safe area during the day and at night when i tried to lessen the co-sleeping as she grew bigger. apart from that you NEED and RDO! having a few hours/ half a day/ evening off does wonders and it will get your partner to understand what is actually involved in looking after a baby and what you do ALL day every day.
in regards to the book.. we used it with DD1 and it gradually improved her sleeping over time but it didnt solve it straight away.
He still isn't home. And the oven just blew up when I tried to cook dinner. And he says he's quitting his job tonight. Just like that. I have a headache.
Yeah, he tends to say a lot of random ....... stuff when he's having a bad day. Instead of quitting, he had a big complain about some stuff and is going to talk to his boss about all the forced overtime. I agree his job is ridiculous, but it's our bread and butter. So when he asked me what I thought.. (finally) I told him if he wants to quit, go ahead- but to make sure he has something else lined up for DS's sake. It's like he woke up to himself when I said that.
I tell ya... what a week. My weekend was slightly better but I didn't get much resting done. I did however manage to bleach the shower last night (LOL) and I got to sleep in this morning after handing DS over at 7am and going back to bed. I decided I wasn't going to ask, I NEEDED to sleep, and wasn't giving DP the opportunity to complain about it. I couldn't hear him if he did anyway, I was sleeping.....
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I guess I'm ok. I haven't exploded or burst into flames yet so I'll just have to ride this one out. There's always something upsetting my little man tho. We're always weathering some kind of storm it seems. My survival mode never switches off these days. Every time he gets better something new happens and knocks him back down and into screamy mode.
Is it like this for everyone?
I have a headache.
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