I'm losing it. DS just doesn't sleep. He's waking hourly again, and the only day sleeps he has are in my tired arms. I can't go on like this. I'm willing to try anything. C/C, CIO, a shot of bourbon for mummy, ANYTHING! If you're tempted to stand in judgement, don't reply. I need support.
Uh! I hear you hun :hugs: Do you have a sling or carrier? since I got my sling I can now go to the loo properly, I can move about and get out of the house. If you cant buy 1 maybe you could rent or borrow 1?
What do you think wakes him? change in position? change in temperature? nothing to suck? (all of these have been factors in DD waking) yesterday afternoon she slept 15mins (my sling was in the wash)
Wish I could hold baby for you, let you have a nap/ bath or do some of your washing
I wish I could hug you. I am not exaggerating when I say I know EXACTLY how you feel.
My DD is another non sleeper. We have small periods were it looks like what I am doing has helped... Then back to waking every hour
The only solution I have found is co sleeping. Terrible for my relationship with DP, but the only thing that gives us enough sleep to function. During the day I lay with her in bed and then sneak off to do what I need to before she realizes I am gone (mattress on the floor... Cot never worked for her)
Some kids just don't sleep well, it isn't our fault. They are just that way. I tell myself that I was chosen as a non sleepers mama because I am strong enough to do it (while I cry in the toilet at 2am wishing for just two hours sleep please jebus!)
Oh sweetie, I don't think anyone will judge you about anything! Big hugs firstly , I think most of us mums know how bad it can get at times with our bubs and sleeping. My DS was a shocker of a sleeper during the day, which mummy was definetely not happy about as that's when she could get a wee break!! I have to say I was fortunate up until DS started teething that he slept through the night, but now often ends up in our bed. It's gotten to a point where he got used to being taken to our bed and the habbit is now quite hard to break, usually resulting in poor sleep all round (except DS of course who has the bulk of the bed all to himself!).
Have you looked into all the common things like reflux, colic, wind etc? I know I only have one earthside bub, but I found he was quite a windy baby until around 6-7 months, so I gave him infacol to help him expel the wind. I have tried everything under the sun for day sleeps (he would often sleep 30-45 minutes ONCE a day since he was very little), the only thing I wasn't really interested was CC, I just didn't think it was for us. Oh, and I did have the odd glass of wine or a bottle of beer which usually calmed me down and made me quite drunk as I hadn't had any alcohol for ages! lol
GL hunni, it really is good to reach out and ask for advice, as I'm sure many mummies will pop in and hopefully give you some ideas to try. Big hugs again and hang in there lovely!! And remember what people often say which is very true, 'this too shall pass'. It's just frasturating as you wanna know, when????!!!!
Oh you poor thing, you are doing it so tough at the moment aren't you???
Have you had him checked over by a GP and the CHN? There might be something physical going on?
What happens when he wakes - is he distressed? Or just grizzling? What happens if you leave him for a little bit?
I don't know that CC would be too effective at this age - he doesn't quite understand the ways of the world yet! He's getting there though - he knows the best place to sleep is close to mummy. Does he sleep if you are lying next to him, in bed? Or does he have to be in your arms upright?
I've got a bad sleeper too...well 3 actually! But #3 is definately my worst. I am getting to the point that I am becoming desperate. Last night I could have left him in his cot to cry himslef back to sleep I was that tired, except that he wakes my other kids and DH and that's not fair. So up I got, hourly or more.
Have you spoken to a MCHN or gp? Would you go to a sleep school? They can give you referrals for day stays, or the more intensive units (not sure what sort of places are up there?) There are lots of books you could try using for routines ect...I'm sure your local library would have some.
I wish kids came with a manual on how to get them to sleep! Good luck, if you find the secret let me know!
I know this is a gentle parenting site, but my personal suggestion, would be to think about trying some way of helping him to learn to self settle. It can't be good for him either to be waking this frequently. You need to be a sane mummy (not that you aren't, but I know I would be crazy by now!). Or to co-sleep.
Again, personally, we have helped our boys to self settle from about 6 weeks old. And yes, by self settle, I mean cry it out. I know others aren't comfortable with this idea, but perhaps you could consider it.
Have you tried contacting Tresillian? They might be able to offer you a sleep program where they can assist you in helping DS to sleep for longer periods, or at least working out why he's awake every hour.
Good Luck.
No wonder they call sleep deprivation a form of torture!!
Were at 8mths of horrible sleep so I can relate somewhat. Have you thought about the possibility of sleep school then? Worth a thought if your at a loss of what to do
Hi ForShelby, huge hugs....I am so sorry you are going through this....it sounds like something is making him uncomfortable, causing him to wake up...I can't remember from your other posts if you said you had been to a baby osteo/chiro? Is he on reflux meds....have you heard of the Horsham Colic Drops? All natural, a pharmacist in Horsham make them, people swear by them. If I think of anything else I will come back.
The only long term solution I have found is to cosleep. I tried some other settling techniques, but in the end, as soon as they got sick or teething, I found I had to start all over again.
For me I had to change my lifestyle to prioritize my own sleep. Dd was in our bed permanently, and I went to bed about as early as I could. If she woke in the evening, I would just go and breastfeed her back to sleep and sneak out again. Then in the day I made a nap time the main focus of the day and I would change both of us for bed and go to bed with her and breastfeed her to sleep and at each stirring, until she was sleeping in a long stretch (she was older than your ds at this stage). This way we we both napping for three hours each day and getting a full nights rest each night (not a full nights sleep but it's amazing how much better you'll feel if you're not getting up each time)
Yes this will impact on your relationship with dh, but we worked around it by having a date each Saturday and got someone to mind dd so we could have lunch together. We also had dinner together without dd Most nights.
I hope this helps. You need support to help you get through this whichever way you choose...I hope you can access some.
For day sleeps, have you thought about a carrier or will he sleep in the pram? From about 7months onwards, I found the only way I could get DD to sleep during the day was walking in the pram. To begin with, I would have to be moving the whole time, so we had 2x1hour walks a day (bonus was I lost all the baby weight ) but as she got older, I could just walk round the block and then leave her in the hallway and she would carry on sleeping.
DS was a shocker at night, and I was a walking zombie by 9months. I had to do something, and nothing was working for us. It got so bad that one night DH was out, and DS woke after an hour and no matter what I tried I could not get him back to sleep. I ended up putting him in his cot, closing the door, putting music and phoning DH, at which point I broke down into hysterical sobbing. DH thought something had happened to one of the kids. That was the point when DH said we had to do something, so after research, we decided to do the interval stuff- leave them for 2mins, go back, leave them for 4, go back in, 6, 8, 10. We never left him longer than 10minutes. It was hard, but it only took 4nights, and even the first night, he only woke up once (as opposed to 6+ times). Now, unless something is wrong, he will generally sleep 7pm-6.30am, and is happy about going to bed. And he is a happy, affectionate child during the day (which I am so glad for as I was so worried we would break him).
I know this is a gently parenting site, and many won't agree with me, and before I had DS, I would'nt have agreed with me either. But only you know how you are coping or not, and noone can judge you for doing what you have to do. The way I justified it to myself was because of my sleep depravation I wasn't being a good mummy during the day, so by doing the interval crying, we all got sleep and it has made me a much better mummy to both my children. My lack of sleep was affecting DD majorly, and as soon as I was better, things changed with her too.
take care of yourself. I hope whatever you choose, things improve.
I'm sorry forshelby. I have no advice because my little guy is only *just* learning to sleep all night and without our 'assistance' at 21 months and that's only because he has kinda had too since DS2's arrival.
It WILL happen one day. I know that's not much help right now but it WILL happen.
Big hugs for you xx
Doubletrouble - I have a sling but he just goes berserk no matter what when he's in one of these moods.
Meercat - We already co-sleep, but it doesn't seem to be working anymore.
Miss.B - We looked into colic and reflux, he had both and was treated for both. He's come off his meds as it wasn't an issue anymore, but sleep has always been an issue through it all, meds or not.
Oceanprincess - He wakes grizzling sometimes, but mostly it progresses to distressed screaming very quickly. Even if I'm right there holding him, he still works up to a full blown scream. If I leave him for a little bit the screaming goes on indefinitely. He'll go to sleep if I lie down beside him but as soon as I move or try to put him in his bed he cracks it again.
3littlemonkeys - I've tried a few routines from the dreaded books. That resulted in me wanting to have a bonfire with said books. (lucky they aren't mine or I would've burned them in a fit of rage by now). I'm looking into sleep school but can't get through to talk to an actual person, I keep getting put through to this and that dept, and nobody can actually put me in the right spot!
Bloom - We've tried CIO before. He screamed to the point we were both extremely distressed. He was getting to the point where he was choking himself on his own saliva so I couldn't let it go on. He'll cry indefinitely, it seems.
BlackRose - Tell me more about this Tresillian thingie.....
Em - Short answer- YES. Long answer comes with a but.
BooBoo - I think I said above to someone else, that he was on meds but it made no difference to his sleep. He no longer needs them as he's the same on or off them now.
Arcadia - The most heartbreaking part of this is that cosleeping is no longer working. I don't know what changed.
SammyRo - The interval thing hasn't worked so far, but maybe it's because I'm in the wrong frame of mind. Maybe I'm hindering its success by giving up too soon and picking him up to rock him to sleep.
Stoked - Soooo I should have another baby? heh... thanks for making me smile.
If anyone can give me more specifics on HOW they taught their babies to self soothe I'd be very grateful. I didn't want to do this, I wanted to be a gentle parent, but during the day, after no sleep.. I am NOT gentle. I'm a sobbing, hysterical mess and I can barely manage to smile at my baby let alone play with him. He will be better off suffering just a little bit through some firm handed parenting now, than having a zombie for a mother. Failure, thy name is Forshelby.
We did sleep school through the Queen Elizabeth Centre when DD was 6 months old and I have never looked back. She is now 3 (almost) and ever since then has been a perfect sleeper. It was such a huge weight off my shoulders.
Have you investigated food allergies/intolerances? Any in your families?
Forshelby, you're not a failure, you're a mother trying to parent a high-needs baby all on your own. You need physical assistance. I know you don't have family around and your DH does what he can, but that really is the crux of your problem I think. Can you talk to your CHN or GP about support services for parents in need? There must be something out there for parents all on their own.
Reply With QuoteI wish I could do something to help you. I wish I lived closer
2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
6 months and still no end in sight.
If you're tempted to stand in judgement, don't reply. I need support.
) but as she got older, I could just walk round the block and then leave her in the hallway and she would carry on sleeping.
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