Our baby girl born sleeping

stanas · May 11th, 2008, 05:59 PM

Hi, I am also new to this forum and hope that either someone can pass on some advice to get through losing our first child or that someone can get strength from my beautiful baby girl Ava.

It also took us 12 mths to concieve and my pregnency had been smooth until I started spotting at 6 weeks. Went to ER and had scans and everything including levels were fine. Early April I started to bleed continuously and had severe cramps but another scan showed things were fine and that it was probably the placenta lying low that was causing the probs. Again sent home. After 4 weeks of non stop bleeding I began passing large clots on April 24th, after yet another scan I was put on strict bed rest (toilet privalages only) at 16 wks 4 days.

Monday 28th I had a fever and after seeing my GP was admitted to hospital. Around 3am on the Tuesday I began to pass a clear fluid which would gush out just rolling over in bed. At the time I wasn't concerned as I didn't think that waters could break so early. After some swabs and another scan in the afternoon it was confirmed that I had lost my amniotic fluid. Both our hearts broke as we were told there was nothing they or we could do but wait. We thought I would be on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy not sent home to wait to go into natural labour. (17wks)

10 days later after another scan to see what was happening, and finding there was not a drop of amniotic fluid we were induced on the Wednesday and met our beautiful baby girl Ava, on Thursday 9th May 5.20am.

I have never felt so much love for anything or anyone in my life. She was PERFECT. Even though she was 18 weeks 4 days she was a baby with tiny hands and tiny feet and weighing only 190 grams. We never even imagined the pain we would feel having to leave the hospital without her.I felt my heart break in 2. She is our little angel and will always be deep in our hearts.

Angels took our daughter away but they also let us have 4 precious hours with her.
Mummy and daddy love you so much Ava Lesley

Any words of wisdom for the cremation are more than welcome. I have no idea how we can possibly get through it.
Stanas

Ava Lesley, born 9th May 08, 18 weeks 4 days

**foreva*your*mummy** · May 11th, 2008, 06:14 PM

I am so so sorry for your loss, I have not been through anything like this so I have no idea what it must be like for both of you.

. to you.
Im sure their is no answer to what you have to do next, just take every day as it comes and do what feels right for both of you.
What a precious gift she is to you and will always be.
you will be in my thoughts.

**Lissie** · May 11th, 2008, 06:16 PM

Stanas,

I am so so sorry for the loss of your baby daughter. I can not imagine what you are going thru right now - my heart breaks for you. There are no words that can comfort yu but know there will be alot of people thinking of you and sending you love.
I am so sorry.

and will say a

for your little girl. Please take care.

**Trish** · May 11th, 2008, 06:29 PM

Stanas, I am so very very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl Ava. What a prettty name she has.

I have never walked in your shoes huni so I cannot comprehend the pain you are going through right now, but I can sympathsise with you.

Take every day as it comes, allow yourself time to grieve your princess, and when you are ready, give yourself permission to move forward.

Sadly there are many girls on BB who do know just what you are feeling and I'm sure they will come in and have to right words to share with you.

Huge hugs to you sweetheart

**maybe baby** · May 11th, 2008, 06:38 PM

I can't possible imagine your feelings - I have lost a baby but it was earlier. You will survive - you will. And your baby will keep watch over you. For ever.

Much love
Sasha

If you ever want to talk let me know - I will send you my private email.

***MinKy*** · May 11th, 2008, 06:41 PM

Stanas, I am so sorry to read about the birth of your little angel Ava...I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through...

Remember that she will always be there with you....your precious angel watching over you..

Take care...

**MistyFying** · May 11th, 2008, 06:47 PM

Stanas thank you for sharing yours and Ava's story. She has a lovely name. I hope you find comfort and support amongst our BellyBelly community

**Rozzie27** · May 11th, 2008, 07:01 PM

Hi Stanas,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Our son was stillborn on 24 Apr at 22 weeks. He was our first child also.

The first week is so hard, it's such a shock and you have to make arrangements such as for cremation.

I guess my advice is lean on your loved ones as much as possible, and get through the days as best as possible. I would try and do things to take my mind away, even for a just a few minutes, like watching TV or reading the newspaper or gardening or anything you like. I figured I'd have plenty of time ahead of me to grieve and to digest what had happened, and those moments of distraction gave me a break for a little while.

Otherwise get plenty of sleep and try and eat well, as being unwell will make things like the cremation much harder.

As for the cremation itself, I can tell you what we did. It was only the two of us. I picked some flowers from the garden and we had a teddy bear for him. We wrapped him in blankets we bought for him. We had written a letter to him saying everything we felt and read it aloud.

I hope you can find some comfort amongst other parents who've experienced such a loss, I know it's helped me feel less alone.

Love Rozzie

**danek** · May 12th, 2008, 02:50 AM

Hi Stanas,

I am so sorry for you and your family. I wish I could offer you some advice but am still searching for answers with my recent loss.

The only thing that helped me and may or may not suit you, was to see my baby and hold him before the funeral. I think this helped me accept what actually happened.

Rozzi is right - seek support from your friends and family. They will want to help you as much as possible.

Take care of yourself.

Danek

stanas · May 12th, 2008, 07:38 AM

Thank you all so much for your lovely words.

Things just keep getting harder. I noticed in the shower last night that I now have milk, and oodles of it. So off to the doctors again today to find out how to dry it up.

It's wonderful to know I can produce milk, but am missing the most precious little one to help me out.

Thank you again,
Stanas

Mummy loves you Ava XXX

**Lisa** · May 12th, 2008, 07:39 AM

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious and beautiful angel Ava Lesley.

Sending you loads of hugs and thinking of you hun... please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve, in anyway that you need to.

**Nadine** · May 12th, 2008, 09:59 AM

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious princess, Ava Lesley

Sending you lots of

and lots of strength to get through this difficult time.

**Katiegirl** · May 12th, 2008, 10:13 AM

Dear Stanas - I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter Ava. It is so clear how much you loved and continue to love her. Please ensure that you ask for the support and comfort you need from those around you. This forum is also a wonderful place, as you will see that many of us have suffered losses similar to yours.

We had Nathaniel cremated, but chose to not have a service attached to the cremation. We used Tobin Brothers and found them to be very sympathetic and understanding. As Nathaniel was delivered by a D&C (we found out at 20 weeks that he had passed at 15), we organised for his remains to be collected from pathology. We had him placed in a coffin with a blanket and had a crucifix and white rose placed on top. At the time of the cremation, my husband and I let others know so they could take a moment to stop and say a prayer. We then had a family priest say a mass for him. The funeral directors then delivered his ashes to us a week later, and we have kept them in a special box with a few of his items. I can not tell you how much the cremation helped me grieve for him. I felt that we had offered him the very greatest of respect and care and I will guard his ashes for the rest of my life. My sister who has also had 2 late losses, chose to bury her babies at my parent's holiday farm in a beautiful spot in the garden - as the babies are under 20 weeks it is legal to bury them yourself. They now rest under a big tree with an angel statue watching over them - it is a spot of tranquility for our family to visit.

It will seem hard to have to make these decisions, but once you have made the arrangements you will feel you have done the right thing.

I hope you are doing okay and please feel free to come and chat with us whenever you feel the need.

Take care

**Lynn** · May 12th, 2008, 10:39 AM

Stanas, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter Ava. Nothing can prepare for the absolute devastation that you will feel and you will wonder how your heart can hurt so much and how you can go on when the world no longer holds the one you love. Surround yourself with lots of loving and caring people and just do whatever you need to to get through this heartbreaking time.

I lost my first baby, my precious son Cooper at 37 weeks. It took us 2 years to conceive with some assisted help and we had a 'text book' pregnancy right up until the day we lost him. He too was born so perfect, but so still. Walking out of the hospital with empty aching arms is so painful and I'm sorry that you had to experience this.

Preparing for the cremation is so difficult because you feel numb, you are doing something that goes against nature - you should never have to bury your own children. We decided on a private service with immediate family only. I searched and searched the interest for songs and poems that we could play and have read at Coopie's funeral. I also made service books which included the poems. This is what kept me going between the time we lost Coopie and his funeral. I still to this day listen to his songs and read the poems, it is what makes me feel close to him.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just take one step at a time, one minute at a time and grieve. There are days that I wonder how I have got through the past 18 months especially those early weeks, but the body is an amazing thing. You won't be able to understand how you will get through the days as the pain is so raw, but surround yourself with people that can support you.

I am sorry that your milk came through. The same thing happened to me and it was like a slap in the face. You wonder how your body can produce milk but it can't protect your baby.

Take care
Hugs
Lynn
xxxxxxxxxxxx

**Angel Babies 3** · May 12th, 2008, 10:52 AM

Stanas, I am truely sorry to read of your loss. I birthed my little boy Luke at 16 weeks and you're so right, they are perfect but tiny. He was my little boy and I so wanted to take him home.

Look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Some days will be better than others. Just remember we are all here whenever you need us.

Big hugs to you,
Debbie

**ClareBear28** · May 12th, 2008, 12:23 PM

Dearest Stanas,

Even though we are deemed to be strangers to one another, I just want you to know that you and your partner are in my thoughts and prayers. I have come to believe that there is a playground somewhere that all of our angels are playing in, and although they miss us like crazy, they are keeping each other company....

Take care,
Clare xo

**Mel1977** · May 12th, 2008, 07:17 PM

Im so sorry to hear about little Ava

You will find lots of support here and I will keep you in my thoughts. I think you have received some wonderful advice here and I can not add much else. Wishing you all the strength in the world to get through your precious Ava's cremation.

**Von** · May 12th, 2008, 07:26 PM

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Ava. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

The only thing i can say is that the pain does ease eventually. Ava will always be part of you and nothing will ever change that and there will be days that you just cry remembering how precious she was and then there will be days that the memory of her will make you smile and soon there will be more smiles then there are tears, I know this for a fact.