Just a vent really....

[Marlene]

This is just a vent really, I have posted in here as I don't want any "just let him cry it out" comments.

My little man has just turned one and is still not sleeping through the night. There was 3 nights that he didn't wake for a feed in the night, just a couple of dummy replacements, but it didn't last. Jack goes to bed around 7:30 and is waking two or three times a night, needing boob to go back to sleep. I have tried not giving it to him and just keep going back and forward to his room and patting him on the bum until he goes to sleep, this does take a while longer, so I usually just give in and give him boob. He is also waking for the day between 4 and 5am...which is just waaaayyyy to early!! I would be quite happy to co-sleep but DS just doesn't want to, he doesn't seem to like it, he gets really restless and whingy, I think he likes his own space in his cot, he has never really liked co-sleeping even as a newborn baby.
I have a DH, but he is not at all supportive of my gentle parenting methods, he thinks I am spoiling DS and keeps telling me to "just let him cry". When I say I don't want to let him cry he tells me I am just making it worse for myself and he rolls over and goes to sleep. He will get up in the early morning with him though, which I appreciate.
The Inlaws were staying here for the w/end for jack's b/day and they were telling me the whole time how spoilt DS was, just because I pick him up when he is upset and I spend lots of time kissing and cuddling him....now I know why DH is such a hard arse...MIL has pretty much no maternal instincts at all and doesn't show much affection..even though she's had three kids.
DS does usually have two really good day sleeps, which I am thankful for, but I am starting to feel like he is never going to sleep through the night. I'm not even asking for 12 hours, I'd be deliriously happy with 8.

Sorry if this is all muddled..I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading.

[Mak]

Hi Marlene,

Hang in there - it sounds like you are doing a great job. You have to be happy with how things are done - it can be very difficult at the best of times with interrupted sleep let alone when people try to provide solutions for you. Trust your instinct and stick with it - it will pass.

Big

Hope you get some rest soon - it can be exhausting.

[onthefly]

I doubt it helps you much Marlene, but you're not alone.
It's a shame your DH can't be more supportive of you, though it is great that he gets up early with him. My DH has to leave for work at 6 so that's not much help for me when DS decides to wake at 5, as he usually does these days.
Pfft to your inlaws too. In the long run I think you're making life easier for yourself by investing in a closer relationship with your children.

[~clover~]

OMG you sound like me! Word for word! 'Cept my MIL had 6 kids & my DH thinks DS will either be gay or a mummy's boy.
MIL is not very affectionate. DH was never told he was loved growing up. She says it occasionally after a few drinks now though. My kids have no choice! They are very affectionate & loving, so she has to be. She does like it
All I'm doing is going with the flow ATM. I have 2 waking during the night lately. DD2 has eczema/nappy rash & wakes crying through the night when she wee's, so I have to get up & put more cream on & get her back to sleep, often just as DS is waking up. Or the other way around.
DS sleeps great in our bed. Shame I don't! He hates blankets on, so I always end up uncovered too

I have no idea what you could do. DS has been really clingy & feeling off for 3 or so weeks, so I'm going to start taking some multi vitimins of some sort. I'm lacking in iron atm & since he's been off food for about a week, he probably is too. He's only really been having BM, & if there's not enough in there it might explain alot.

I'm hoping its the answer to all our problems! I might try him on some too, but I don't know much about them yet.

[Marlene]

Thanks girls.
Bj...you must be so tired...with two waking at night. Sometimes the waking doesn't bother me but other times I just get exhausted and really upset about it all.

[~Serenity~]

well im more with your ds as from young i would put them to bed awake and let them cry for 5 or so min and they slept through from a couple months old but have you maybe tried giving him a bottle of water or something instead of booby ...my mum had this problem with my sister..she would go in put the lights on low cuggle her and give her warm milk...then she realised thats prob y she keeps doing it what a life lol....then she decided that when she woke up she would put the light on bright pick her up not cuddle and give her water so suddenly it wasnt that great to wake up and within a couple days she was sleeping through....

[Ginger]

hi marlene
sounds like you're doing an awesome job with your ds. my ds1 was exactly the same at his age. i basically just went with the flow, kept meeting his needs and then magically- he stopped needing the boob at about 14months (just needed a cuddle,back rub) then started sleeping through at about 16months- all with no pushing, no pressure, no controlled crying. now at 18months we still have the odd wake up (teething, nightmares etc.) but it's a lot easier to deal with. just keep doing what you're doing, i think it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job with him xoxo

[Marlene]

Heavenly...I do let him have a whinge or a "protest" but I don't let him cry. I don't want him to go to sleep with the feeling that he has been abandoned, that's why I am posting in the gentle parenting section because I know the mums in here understand.

[Arimeh]

Marlene

DS still wakes up during the night - but hasn't woken up for a feed for a long time - he just wakes up.

We used to do the pat pat pat on the bum - god it took forever.. and I hated it - in the middle of winter pattin him on the butt with a big old pregnant belly - arghh.. drove me nuts.

The only explanation we came up with was that he was so restless in his cot that he hit the sides all the time - so he actually got better once we moved him to a toddler bed.

Now he wakes up - but he gets up himself and toddles into our bedroom and jumps in with us. Its much better cos I don't have to get up (its beginning to get cold again!!)

But he is much older than your DS. Sorry I don't have any advice, but I am a fellow waker-upper-er

[Snowy Love]

If my MIL said that (and thankfully she wouldn't - one thing we agree on is no CIO) and I was sleep deprived ('cause I'd have to be sleep deprived to be so bold), I'd tell her "yes he'll be spoilt - he'll grow up knowing his mother loves him." I'd at least think it as a comfort to me. Sorry, just got to get my b!tchiness out. You are doing a great job!

[Marlene]

If my MIL said that (and thankfully she wouldn't - one thing we agree on is no CIO) and I was sleep deprived ('cause I'd have to be sleep deprived to be so bold), I'd tell her "yes he'll be spoilt - he'll grow up knowing his mother loves him." I'd at least think it as a comfort to me. Sorry, just got to get my b!tchiness out. You are doing a great job!

Hahahah...not b!tchy at all...I did say it...to MIL and DH. They just say "well don't whinge when he doesn't sleep through then!" AAAAARRRRGGGGGHH!!!!!!!

[boomba]

I know exactly how your feeling! I can totally sympathise. Sending you lots of gentle ways and energy to get your gorgeous boy to sleep

[Liz]

Marlene, you're doing things just fine. I know exactly what it's like. My two were frequent wakers (Kayla still is) and sometimes it is tiring, most of the time tho no-one would ever know I wake up to my toddler through the night.

Kayla still feeds through the night and I'm happy for her to have it. We're often too distracted through the day to feed, so we catch up with that closeness through the night Just keep putting a positive spin on it and it will get you through. Think of the lovely bonding, of how Jack knows you are there for him. My DS sleeps through beautifully without a fuss, and we never pressured him or left him crying or grizzling.

my mum had this problem with my sister..she would go in put the lights on low cuggle her and give her warm milk...then she realised thats prob y she keeps doing it what a life lol....then she decided that when she woke up she would put the light on bright pick her up not cuddle and give her water so suddenly it wasnt that great to wake up

Wow, that's quite sad IMO. It's such a short time that they need us through the night.. 1-2 years out of their entire lives isn't long at all.. I make the most of all the cuddles they need.

I guess it all depends on how you see your baby. Is he a manipulative little thing that has figured he can annoy his mummy anytime he wants.. or is he a tiny person that is dependent on his mummy and knows his mummy is there when he needs her. I lean towards the latter and am happy to keep meeting bub's needs, no matter how long it takes.. and it truly doesn't last forever. I love that my kids feel welcome in our bed any time they need it, and TBH I think if I had another baby and it slept through early on I'd feel like I was missing a LOT of bonding. As much as I would love the sleep LOL.

*big hugs* keep up the good work. You're doing your bub no harm. Marcellus said it beautifully "In the long run I think you're making life easier for yourself by investing in a closer relationship with your children."

[Marlene]

I guess it all depends on how you see your baby. Is he a manipulative little thing that has figured he can annoy his mummy anytime he wants.. or is he a tiny person that is dependent on his mummy and knows his mummy is there when he needs her.

This is exactly what i'm getting at! DH keeps saying that Jack is manipulating me, but I know he's not...he just needs his mum, and I WILL be there for him!!!

Thanks Liz.

[Liz]

They just say "well don't whinge when he doesn't sleep through then!" AAAAARRRRGGGGGHH!!!!!!!

I totally get this bit too LOL. My mum stopped offering her suggestions of formula feeds & leaving them to cry after I told her off. LOL. I told her I'm just having a whinge, I don't want any solutions!

I kinda feel the same if we end up going for a 3rd baby, that I'll be losing my right to have a whinge about my day with the kids.. coz I wanted the 3rd so I have to suck it up and deal with it. ugh.

Just come into BB to vent. At least here we get support for how we are trying to do things. And just live for the day where you are victorious with a fantastic sleeper, with no fear of the dark, who is comfortable & secure in the knowledge that his mum won't turn him away in the middle of the night on the rare occasions he needs you.

[thepixie]

Hi Marlene...
one of the gentle methods I have read in some books is to wake/ give a dreamfeed about half an hour before they usually wake up. If is wake ups are regular enough you could try that? Sounds crazy but some books say it works. Personally I have never tried it cause I'm too lazy! I know what you mean about MG... I love my MG dearly but they see nothing wrong with doing CC and it just doesn't sit right with me horses for courses I guess!

[Michelle71]

Marlene - this isn't going to help but DS still isn't sleeping through. Neither is DD but she is too little yet

You are doing a great job so vent away. Crying it out won't help (unless the crying is mummy ) but getting it off your chest makes it easier to go back and continue with the parenting choices you have made. A problem shared with this many is a very small problem indeed

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I hear you! I don't agree with crying it out yet why, when I tell DS's nursery that he was up 1-4 for the last few nights so will be tired, does one woman insist he should cry it out? If he wants me he has to learn that I am there for him, I tell her. He's learnt that, she thinks. Now it's manipulation.

Show me a GROWN MAN who can manipulate a woman and I'll show you a toddler who can. I mean, he doesn't have the mental ability to realise I'm a seperate person who can be manipulated (beyond using the word "please" to get me to change my mind on occasion) let alone the ability to actually manipulate. And this woman works with DS! All I can say is at least she's not his key worker, who does actually realise DS's capabilities.