When I was in labour with Emmanuel my midwife was an angel. It was not necessarily what she said but she was just there for me. During the night she never left the room, she held my hand and gave me hugs, it meant so much and I will never ever forget her.
I really wanted a natural drug free labour, and for the last 8hrs of my labour, all the midwives were pressuring me to have the epidural, but there was one lovely midwife that told me she'd had 4 kids naturally. I guess just having someone remind me that it wasn't compulsary to have medical intervention helped me stick to my guns.
For me, it was the general compassion I was shown that helped me so much. DH & I were given shoulders to cry on when we needed them and the midwife that delivered Noah shed a few tears and told us how beautiful he was and congratulated us on becoming parents. It meant so much to me that DH was really supported too. Yeah it is a massive thing for the Mum to go through but very often the Dad's feelings are cast aside.
I can't remember a lot about my labour with Noah, but I knew I was supported and my midwife wasn't going anywhere until well after Noah was born.
I guess the worst thing that happened wasn't from a midwife but it was awful. I was home and it was my first day alone. DH was back at work and the kids were back to school. I got a phonecall from the hospital. Thye wanted to ask me some questions in regards to Noah's post mortem examination. I told them it was a bad time for me and could they call later when DH was home. They said no and they needed an answer then & there. I got the courage up and said okay. They then asked me if I would like Noah's organs placed back into his body after the post mortem. I lost it. I cried so hard & could barely speak. I was never apologised to either. I feel this is something that should have been asked whilst I was in the hospital after we'd agreed to the PME.
Oh, now, I'm different I liked it more when they left us alone to cry/bond with Ianto/relax/whatever... Or maybe I just had really annoying midwives?
Thinking about this, all I could come up with was a bunch of "Don't do"s... I didn't realise how hurt I still am by some of the things that happened... So here's my list (though it may just be me)
If the woman says she wants to be induced as soon as possible, do it. Even if it's policy to wait for the ultrasound results, start the induction and you can look at the results while she's in labour. I think I was kinda tricked, because they didn't tell me I wasn't allowed to get up after the gels until the third lot went in - the first after they had the u/s results.
If you've asked a few times during/before labour if the parents want to see and hold their baby, and they've said yes every time, they have made up their mind. You don't need to ask again after the baby is born.
Treat it sort of like a live birth. Yes, the baby has died, and the parents do know that, but they might benefit from things like being able to bath him/her without having to fight for it. One tiny, tiny detail that still upsets me is that they plonked Ianto on the scales, and then left him there as they wrote his weight down on the other side of the room. If it had been a live birth, he would've been held gently, picked up off the scales after his weight was taken...
If the woman says that she wants to leave the hospital "as late as possible" she doesn't mean that night. She wants to stay as long as she's allowed to. Especially if she knows that hospital policy is to have mums stay for two nights after baby's born and has only been there one. They told me that I could stay for as long as I wanted unless there was another woman who needed the room. I was fine with that. But then they made me leave a day too early when I didn't want to. There was no other woman, and they had at least three free beds when I left.
Teni - Even 4.5 years later I cried whilst writing down that phone call. All this time later and I am still tortured by that call
I definitely agree to treating it like a live birth. As much as we knoew the reality, the respect given to our child is so important.
I am so sorry to hear you were made to leave before you were ready. I was never told when I had to go thankfully. I had a room and DH had a fold out bed and we were there for 4 days in total. Leaving was the hardest thing I had to do as that was the final goodbye before the funeral.
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I liked it more when they left us alone to cry/bond with Ianto/relax/whatever... Or maybe I just had really annoying midwives?
Thank God for amazing women like you Dan
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