I wish I didn't have to be here, that I was not crying, that I was able to be with my older children reading stories before bed... but the tears just flow.

We lost our daughter Clara almost 1 month ago at 31 weeks of pregnancy.
I am heartborken. Everyone keeps asking me how I am like they expect the answer to change.

Some friends have been wonderful, so supportive, let me cry and talk about Clara. Others don't call, I feel like they are avoiding us. There are some friends that I don't want to talk to, they are pregnant and I am so worried that I will scare them by talking about our loss.

When do you start to feel less numb? I feel like I am just going through the motions. I look after our older daughters all day, make meals, clean up and go to bed and cry. Is this what it will be like for the rest of our lives? I just feel so alone.

My husband is wonderful, so very kind and supportive, and so sad about losing Clara so suddenly too. But it is just a different process for him to go through. I just want to connect with other women.

I am already feeling like I want to try again, but there are so many what ifs and what nows? I still haven't heard anything from the doctors or the hospital about Clara. The cord was around her neck 3 times and she had heavy bruising, so we think it was a cord accident. Does anyone know if this is something that can happen again. Some of the websites I have read say that I am now a higher risk for more Stillbirths, there is so much information out there and I am so overwhelemed with all of it. I just want to know what happened to my poor baby and whether or not it is something I will go through again.

Sorry, my thoughts are all over the place right now... I am just in need of talking and it is all coming out. Thanks for listening.