mathew's mum - good to hear that things went well. what you have described sounds just so beautiful.
today is a good day for me, not sure why, but thanks for asking.
it's so hard to know what's right when deciding something as important as memoralising our babies.
i think we as mothers and parents, will never stop finding ways to celebrate and cherish our little ones memory but the first big step takes so much emotional investment.
my DH and i have had a service in the funeral directors chapel for each of our little ones. they don't get any easier. for our first child Amelia, we invited close family members. i never imagined we would have to endure our childs funeral again, but that wasn't to be. for our second child Nicholas and our third child Sophie, it was just us. we didn't hold it together, but that was ok, we were together.
one day we will decide what to do next and how and where to place their ashes. I am just not sure i am ready to let go yet. probably a memorial service, but we'll see.
i understand Gigi1's feelings of obsession and it's so good to hear all ideas of remembrance. people say i am strong, but i find strength in the experiences of being a mother and the memories of my babies. i also get inspiration from the other mothers on BB, sharing their anguish, their love and good days and their bad days, their hopes and dreams. in unity there is strength.
Dory, you are an incredible woman. I hope you are feeling ok today.
Matthew's Mum and others, you too impress me. You all help me feel normal...thank you. I think i will follow in your footsteps and make her a cake when her birthday comes around. Right now i want to put a stop to the clock. Time is getting away from me and it is moving so fast. Sorry, MM I will pm DD's name for you. I used to have it plastered everywhere but i found it took this safe place for me and my privacy. So i have started using DD and Gigi for short. This way i still have this space to be free.
We go to a psychic/medium tomorrow and speak to our DD again. We will do this a couple of times a year, more if we can afford. She is incredible.
I will never let go i think, DD's ashes will be with us always and go with us. You will know what to do when the time comes, if it does. In the mean time there is no rush....my view only.
Sometimes i feel like i have entered into a world of weird, that is so comfortable to me. I coul dnever tell people we know what we do. Others that have not felt this just look at us with judgmental eyes. It is hard to wear sometimes. It is believed by some that we are a bit over the top, she was only a baby, she never 'lived' kind of looks from people. I hate the forced pity and lack of knowing. The looks. Oh this is not the place for this, but it just came out.
Anyway, bit of a funny day. Love and peace to all
Hmxx
Last edited by Gigi1; December 6th, 2009 at 01:59 PM.
hello everyone, gigi-thanks for the pm,beautiful name you've chosen,How are you ?have you been to the medium again.Not long after my loss my husband organised for me to go to a spiritual healer not sure how similiar that is,she was saying an older lady was saying things but i couldn't really work a lot of it out,she wrote it down,when i got home dh read it and he thought of his mum who past before we meet......How is everyone else going?Shoulten's jewellers are making name pendants,i got one done as a memorial necklace for Matthew,they did a really nice job of it..hope you all find some comfort over the christmas period ,i believe our heavenly children will be with us all in there own way
You're talking to the converted, regarding the reaction of others. Sadly though, until my experiences I was probably one of those others who just didn't get it. Now on this side loss, I don't understand how I didn't get it before. The emotional attachment to my babies is so strong and the feelings profound. For me my babies are little people, who are just not on this earth anymore. They live on through both DH and me, and they have their own legacies.
Some people don't really get it when your pet dies either and dismiss your grief as silly. Maybe they are people who are yet to experience any profound loss in their lives? I was going to say lucky them, but I don't actually think that.
It's ironic that my experiences of loss have shaped me in ways that I never expected, but ultimately I hope have made me a better person. I can't think of the right word, better is not quite it, but there are a whole heap of other words to describe what I mean by "better" - decent human being, empathetic, real, wise, compassionate, much more in tune with myself and others, someone not longer afraid of sadness, stronger, and sad.
It's a paradox, I wish more than anything that my babies were alive and didn''t die, but then that means I wouldn't be the person I am now. If Amelia had lived I wouldn't have met Nicholas or Sophie. I wouldn't have found my way to this forum either.
I struggle with grief, but it's also a link to the times I spent with each of them during the pregnancies and for their brief time outside the womb. But then I feel guilty for accepting things as they have happened. I suppose I am just trying to find some meaning in this tragedy and pain.
This grief journey is pretty challenging huh?
I haven't been to a medium. Actually hadn't even thought of it til I read your post. But now I am at least aware of the possibility. Do you get a sense of serenity when you go? I honestly think if it works for you and doesn't harm you, then just keep going.
There's a line from a movie, can't remember which one - where a kid is getting scolded for believing in something that can't be seen, and the kid says something like " I know you haven't seen a million dollars, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist".
Trust your heart and your instincts, and stay strong.
Ps sorry for getting of the track of the original post of memorial ideas. DH and I had a photo shoot recently, just for us, so we had something for us from this year, something to remind us of the strength of our love for each other, so we don't get overwhelmed with living in grief.
You know what dory, Sadly i was a bit that way too. I have always been a compassionate person but I know i did have judgments/opinons/thoughts on how much attachment i thought was reasonable for the quantity of the life of a child etc. God i had no idea. So for that I can have some understanding for how others might see things. I too had no idea how i didn't get it before, when now it seems so full on obvious and natural to have that attachment. So raw and so real to us. It annoys me that people don;t get it. LOl, just one of those things she came in to our life to teach us. Sometimes we have to be brave to stand alone and not need others to approve or agree. Boy that is hard sometimes.
Our beautiful girl lives through us too and we live a slightly different reality to everyone else. I do believe that she is beside us, infact i know it. Thank you so much for sharing your similar thoughts...even though we are off topic, like you say we ended up here and have to find reason. We would not have found these threads if not for our angels, or be who we are, or have the questions and connections around us now...if it weren't for our angels. I respect that. You in particular and your posts have really spoken to me and helped me more than you could realise. Thank you ever so much. I would like to say more to you, but I will find you somewhere else or PM.
So back to topic. Remembering our little ones.
Yes i would recommend a psychic...if you have found a good one. For us it has been wonderful and healing. We are finding out about our little girl and what she likes, her life on the other side and her relationship with us. A lot of it is what we have already conjured up in our heads and hearts which is mind blowing to have someone re sight that to you. It confirms her existence to us.
For instance (and this is only my experience and it is not for everyone, so please this is not preach to do it if you are not comfortable- a very personal journey- but it may help someone out there)
A few weeks ago, i said to my husband that i really feel her around me when i listen to p!nk. I became obsessed with that cd and all her others to that fact. I played it loud in the car when ever i drove and I sung it to the top of my lungs. Listening to that music over the last few months has really grounded me and calmed me. Anyway i said to hubby i feel really connected to DD when i have that music on.
A few other things happened in reference to that that made me feel very sure that DD was comforting me and communicating with me through that music. So we went this week to the medium and one of the very first things she said to me was, She loves your voice, do you sing? I said oh only in the car where no one can hear me. She said, DD can hear you and she love it. She loves you singing to P!nk. I just lost it and burst into tears. She loves that music she said, she the medium thinks is very different as it is not all sad like most other music that connects loved ones.
There are so many other things that we share and relate to, what she looks like, who she plays with and our life too. It helps us feel her even more and know that she is on the other side but right beside us. We can talk to her and we get a cd each time. We have two now and I know it will be something we will continue to collect as records of her continued life with us. We can listen to them anytime and connect with her, remember her and feel her. It helps me trust my intuition more, my feelings with no apparent reason.
Something that we do and not for everyone. For us it has been healing and all we can have, the closest we can be to her.
Oh dear, i am off to have a cry. I miss her so very much.
Love to you all and your angels and do whatever you think you need, no matter how silly.
HM xoxo
Last edited by Gigi1; December 13th, 2009 at 11:58 AM.
Thankyou, I didn't expect I'd end up helping anyone and I am really honoured (and surprised) to have been able to. Thanks for telling me top, I needed it today.
That is so beautiful your story about P!ink and your DD. Thankyou for sharing. I am smiling through my tears at the thought of you singing loudly in the car, feeling so connected to your DD in a little coccoon. Singing in the car is like dancing when you think no one is watching. It's an ongoing memorial, singing P!nk to your DD.
I am off for a cry too. Tears are the words the heart can't speak.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks