gigi1

You're talking to the converted, regarding the reaction of others. Sadly though, until my experiences I was probably one of those others who just didn't get it. Now on this side loss, I don't understand how I didn't get it before. The emotional attachment to my babies is so strong and the feelings profound. For me my babies are little people, who are just not on this earth anymore. They live on through both DH and me, and they have their own legacies.

Some people don't really get it when your pet dies either and dismiss your grief as silly. Maybe they are people who are yet to experience any profound loss in their lives? I was going to say lucky them, but I don't actually think that.

It's ironic that my experiences of loss have shaped me in ways that I never expected, but ultimately I hope have made me a better person. I can't think of the right word, better is not quite it, but there are a whole heap of other words to describe what I mean by "better" - decent human being, empathetic, real, wise, compassionate, much more in tune with myself and others, someone not longer afraid of sadness, stronger, and sad.

It's a paradox, I wish more than anything that my babies were alive and didn''t die, but then that means I wouldn't be the person I am now. If Amelia had lived I wouldn't have met Nicholas or Sophie. I wouldn't have found my way to this forum either.

I struggle with grief, but it's also a link to the times I spent with each of them during the pregnancies and for their brief time outside the womb. But then I feel guilty for accepting things as they have happened. I suppose I am just trying to find some meaning in this tragedy and pain.

This grief journey is pretty challenging huh?

I haven't been to a medium. Actually hadn't even thought of it til I read your post. But now I am at least aware of the possibility. Do you get a sense of serenity when you go? I honestly think if it works for you and doesn't harm you, then just keep going.

There's a line from a movie, can't remember which one - where a kid is getting scolded for believing in something that can't be seen, and the kid says something like " I know you haven't seen a million dollars, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist".

Trust your heart and your instincts, and stay strong.

Ps sorry for getting of the track of the original post of memorial ideas. DH and I had a photo shoot recently, just for us, so we had something for us from this year, something to remind us of the strength of our love for each other, so we don't get overwhelmed with living in grief.