lots of hugs to you.. although i havent gone through what you have, i can sort of relate as i never thought i would have a bub and went through a couple of major depressions in the past because of it.. i guess some thoughts i have, based on my own life experiences - things can always turn around in life.. never give up hope!! i know its hard when youve gone through something really tough like you have.. but try not to live life in fear of what may or may not happen in the future. doors are never completely closed. a book that you might find uplifting is called God's plan for pregnancy by Nerida Walker.