I need your help to support families

[Liviam]

Hi everyone,
I hope you don't mind me posting in here and asking for some advice from you all. Many of you may or may not know that I'm a midwife and now I am becoming one of the more senior ones at work and I'm being ask to step up in birth suites. So basically I am going to be caring and support women, their partners and support people through labour and giving birth to their precious babies who are too special for this earth.
I am just terrified that I am going to say the wrong thing and make the most difficult situation even worse for the parents. I just want to support/help them through the best way I can.

So if you don't mind sharing what did you find helpful during your labour that your midwife/support people did/said and what was unhelpful/hurtful/distressing?

I'm thanking you all in advance for sharing your thoughts on such a personal and private day. Please don't feel pressured to share anything that you are not comfortable with. Absolutely nothing shared in here I will ever repeat. It is purely for my own personal development. I promise you all that.

Thank you all so much,
Dan.

[Michelle71]

Dan - I am one handed typing but I am more than happy to talk to you any time and give you my perspective. I will try to get back when I have two hands to type with and give you a response too.

[Liviam]

I know how hard things are for you at the moment Michelle so no hurry at all. Thank you for being willing to share your perspective with me

[TeniBear]

I'm quite happy to help as well Did you want the answers in this thread, or via PM?

[diannescruffy]

When I was in labour with Emmanuel my midwife was an angel. It was not necessarily what she said but she was just there for me. During the night she never left the room, she held my hand and gave me hugs, it meant so much and I will never ever forget her.

Regards,
Dianne

[turtleschell]

I really wanted a natural drug free labour, and for the last 8hrs of my labour, all the midwives were pressuring me to have the epidural, but there was one lovely midwife that told me she'd had 4 kids naturally. I guess just having someone remind me that it wasn't compulsary to have medical intervention helped me stick to my guns.

[Loula]

JFH. I'm so sorry to read your post. I have no words of comfort but know that you will find support for both yourself and wife to de brief.

[dory]

John ... I am so saddened by the loss of your precious baby ... a loss still breaks the heart irrespective of when it occurs. Go gently and take as much time as you need to mourn such an inconceivable but all to real tragedy.

[~MummaBear~]

I have a few things to add but most others have pretty much covered it.
When we had our little girl the midwife was wonderful except she lied to me. I know she was trying to help, make it less traumatic whatever but she lied to me and i knew she did and it was later confirmed by the post mortem. ( if you want more details PM me) Please as much as it may seem like the kinder option dont lie to the parents you need to be honest. i also had the Ob refer to my baby as a fetus and another midwife told me that it was a horrible thing to happen but imagine how much harder it would be at full term... i couldnt believe she said that.. i know my DD was only 18 weeks but she was still my DD and i still loved her.
I guess the things that really help are just being there for the mother/ father in anyway they want you there... I was happy to have someone with me all the time because DH was trying to deal with this too and he wasnt as supportive as i needed him to be ( i dont hold that against him, it was his baby too ) Being honest and open. you dont have to be too open but if the parents are asking questions it is because they want to know the truth.
The fact that you started this thread shows that you are miles ahead of some already. Nothing beats a person who genuinely cares that you are going through the worst day of your life

[Liviam]

That you all for your replies. Your information is so helpful for me to try and support parents/families. I am so sorry for your losses . No-one should ever have to ever say goodbye to their gorgeous little baby.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, both good and bad, with me.

[helle]

"we're unable to give you a d&c, you'll need to be put into labour because essentially, your baby has started to, well, rot" is never a good opening line.

a baby is a baby. stillborn or alive. i would treat every baby the same. lots of gushing over how beautiful and perfect they are.

i'm sure you'll do fantastic. you seem to show alot of compassion already

[TeniBear]

Take pics of them bathing, weighing, dressing baby. Encourage them to get a professioanl photographer to come to the hospital- I wish I had done that. There is actually a national group of photographers who do this for free- my brain just can't remember what they're called! Wish my hospy had their info, i only heard about them after.

The Australian Community Of Child Photographers I didn't know about them until after, either, but we were able to get someone sent out to Ianto's funeral. (I know some people here might know the trouble I've since had in getting those photos, but I assure you, it was just that one photographer. Everyone else is pis$y at her too.)

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