14yo DD drinking... HELP please...

[MamaPan]

love the idea of choosing consequences.. my mum used this on me and it worked a treat. she told me i was usually harder on myself than she would have been...

[Fleur]

Just thought I'd pop back in here & let you know what we are doing...

(I am told there is a group for alcoholic teenagers?...)

so we have spoken to DD about why we are unhappy with what she is doing. Straight off the bat she said she has already decided to curb it. So that's a good start. BUT our consequences stand... We feel like a grounding is kind of pointless, she will be back out sooner or later & if they really want to drink they will find a way. So we have said to her if you are going to make choices, let them be informed choices.

Over the next week she can research the effects of alcohol, in particular teen drinking. Let us know next Friday what she has found out.

The look on her face was priceless

especially when we said... if you don't do it, or don't do it properly...I am taking you to the teenage AA meeting so you can see first hand ... if someone there can't talk to you I guess they will have some information for us all at least.

She took it very well. And we have also told her if at any point we feel that any of her behaviour is getting out of hand we have no hesitation in grounding her for months, or informing her friends parents of our concerns... it would be last resort but if we had to we would.
So, she needs to know that although we understand it might happen we don't condone it IYKWIM.

Gosh it's hard to walk such a fine line

Thanks again everyone

[diannescruffy]

That's great. Hope everything works out for your family.

Regards,
Dianne

[Ozziehoffy]

Over the next week she can research the effects of alcohol, in particular teen drinking. Let us know next Friday what she has found out.

The look on her face was priceless

Gosh it's hard to walk such a fine line

Great idea. It really is hard walking a fine line. I'm finding it really challenging right now, J is 16 now and not easy with a 2 1/2 and 5 month old. Especially when the 2 1/2 yr old is now starting to pick up the bad habits of the 16 yr old!!!

J got banned from the school bus a while back for really stupid behaviour. He was banned for a whole term. We told him to write a letter to the bus company and cc to his school. He wrote it (fairly well) but never sent it so we just let him continue to be banned from the bus and he had to walk or ride to school. I don't think he cared too much though. Hopefully your DD cares more than he did/does!

[MamaPan]

wow Jasp - fantastic handling of that situation. hope it goes well!

[Fleur]

J got banned from the school bus a while back for really stupid behaviour. He was banned for a whole term. We told him to write a letter to the bus company and cc to his school. He wrote it (fairly well) but never sent it so we just let him continue to be banned from the bus and he had to walk or ride to school. I don't think he cared too much though. Hopefully your DD cares more than he did/does!

Can't make them care, can you I think she would but just casue she wouldn't want to walk, lol. FWIW I think it's good that he wrote the letter anyway... I guess it's about teaching them consequences where you can isn't it...
speaking of which one suggestion I had was to let her drink so much (at home) that she would be vomiting & really sick & then she wouldn't want to do it anymore. Which I guess is trying to show consequences, but still I dunno about that one

Thanks Pan & Dianne

[Smoke Jaguar]

Jasp, I think the research project is a fantastic idea - far better than a TAC commercial that us humans have a knack for blocking out! That could be 'consequence' enough. Consequences have to make sense to make an impact.
For me, I think 14 yo is far too young for alcohol consumption, but if it's already in her reality there's not much option except to go down the road you're taking. The research project will go some way to teach her that 'with freedom comes responsibility'. Responsibility to herself and her brain, first and foremost is what she will discover - abusing alcohol will do damage to a brain that is nowhere near fully formed and will affect her options for a great life (which I assume most people want!).
'Punishments' teach kids how to avoid them, not the reasons for the punishments, so the project is more of a self-help tool, really
Good work

[mrsmac]

I wouldn't bother with the drink til she is sick at home, I know my DD and her friends have been that drunk and it doesn't stop them (lets face it many of us have been at one point and whilst we vow never to drink again we do!)

I think you are doing a great job.

[Fleur]

- abusing alcohol will do damage to a brain that is nowhere near fully formed and will affect her options for a great life (which I assume most people want!).
'Punishments' teach kids how to avoid them, not the reasons for the punishments, so the project is more of a self-help tool, really
Good work

Thanks Mayaness - And yes, she certainly does have aspirations for a good life. Fingers crossed that helps.

Mrsmac, that was pretty much what I thought. If only it were that easy to fix! but I don't think it works like that...

[Ozziehoffy]

Jas, nope can't make them care!! I think you're doing a great job.

Mrsmac, I think you're right there!