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Thread: Alcohol

  1. #1

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    Default Alcohol

    Whould you let your teenager drink?

    Alecia's friend's 15th bday party was last night and she was going to stay the night (It wasn't a sleep over, but Alecia was aked if she would like to stay the night).
    The friend's mother came to get them (the friend was here borrowing some clothes) and asked tells me she was planning on getting the friend some cans of drink for after the party and asked if Alecia was allowed. I flat out said 'no, Alecia is not allowed to drink'.

    I don't think I will ever allow Alecia to drink until she is 18, even then I will be warning her against it... what are your views?

    Tanya


  2. #2

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    This is going to sound really bad, but when we were that age, Mum would buy it for us, with her rationale being that if she brought it, she knew what we were drinking and weren't getting someone else to get it for us. We also had to drink it at home, we weren't allowed to take is somewhere to drink. Needless to say I had a lot of sleepovers at my place. By the time I had turned 18, I didn't drink for 6 months becuase I was over it and the thrill wasn't there anymore when I didn't have to be sneaky about it kwim?

    In hindsight, it isn't something that I am proud of and i certainly wont be doing to same for my children when they are that age. I also wish that Mum was stricter too. Tanya, I think there is enough that we have to worry about as parents (and you moreso having a teenage girl) without worrying about them drinking too.

    How does Alecia feel about it all? If she feels like she is hard done by, just tell her she will thank you for it when she is older.

  3. #3

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    Alecia isn't home yet, but I will talk to her about it.

    Thing is the mother of the friend is the same age as me and I said to her, I was drunk at 14 once (well more than once) and she knew what i was talking about because it happend to her too (being pregnant at 14 that is). She also agreed when I said to her that I didn't want her (Alecia) growing up so fast and there would be plenty of time for drinking.

    Tanya

  4. #4

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    Tanya, that is so true. I reckon Alecia is a pretty smart girl and I think she will understand when you have that talk.

  5. #5

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    I agree with you Tanya, my DD is 15 and I don't let her drink. She is angry at me cause she wants to have a 16th party and I said fine but no one under 18 will be drinking because I am responsible for them while they are in my care- she got really upset and said she wouldn't have a party then cause it would be too embarrassing. I didn't drink til I was 17, maybe i was a slow starter LOL but I don't want her getting into situations she isn't mature enough to cope with.

  6. #6

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    i'm a bit like you Sherie - my foks used to buy from the tme i was about 15 - and half the time i wouldn't drink it - i didn't see the excitement in it because i wasn't sneaking around behind their backs - i'd see my friends getting wasted and just think they looked stupid! i'm not sure what we will do with our kids - DH and i have differing opinions - i guess i won't mind if our kids drink at home (i don't drink often now, so i know i'd be responsible enough) or with someone of a similar nature to myself - i don't see the point in binge drinking!

    i'm sure your daughter will understand your reasons tanya - if she's grown up enoughto think she's ready to drink, she should be grown up enough to respect her mum's decisions!

  7. #7

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    Tanya I would have 100% said the same thing as you. There is plenty of time for drinking and saying yes to me says its ok at this age when really their bodies and brains are still growing.

    Jo

  8. #8

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    My parents were a bit liberal as far as drinking was concerned and though they never bought it for me they knew I could get alcohol quite easily.

    Thankfully nothing bad ever happened to me but I saw things happen to others and for that reason I will do my damnedest to keep the boys off the grog for as long as I can.

  9. #9

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    Well Alecia was quite upset when I tod her I was not going to allow her to drink until she was 18.

    In my view Alcohol is a drug! And a Very dangerous one at that. I asked her why she wanted to drink before it was legal? She didn't really answer me. She thinks I am over protective etc etc.
    I eventually told her that I wanted her to grow up with morals and dignaity and allowing her to do as she pleases will not allow her that.

    Anyway, she thinks she is worthless and asks me why i even had her etc etc!! I got her to calm down eventually by telling her that if I didn't have her I would hate to think of the horrible person I would have become and that thanx to her I am so much more a better person. Poor girl. I think she want to see a councillor.

    Tanya

  10. #10

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    When I was younger the ones that were absolutely forbidden to drink were the ones most drunk & out of control sneaking around.

    My parents would never have bought me alcohol under age, but it wasn't forbidden either. From about 16 we were allowed 1/2 a glass of wine every now & then. At Christmas lunch from about 14.5 I was having 1/2 a West Coast & at 17.5 I was allowed a whole one, but it was a special Christmas thing. While it doesn't seem much, that small lenience stopped me from feeling the need to sneak around to get it.

  11. #11

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    Sarah-We have been a bit like that with Jess, we let her have a cruiser on NYE last year and sometimes she will have a sip of my drink but not when she is out and especially when we aren't there.
    Tanya- its such a hard age isn't it,I am finding it a constant stress and Jess is actually pretty good.

  12. #12

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    I am going to try and keep a very open mind when it comes to alcohol. I would rather have the type of relationship where no matter what there are no secrets even if they do make mistakes. I don't know if I would supply alcohol ask me in a few years. But if I knew she was going to a party with alcohol I might offer to buy 1 or 2 pre mixed drinks and tell her thats all she's allowed to have. I really don't know. I would also probably say that she would have to check in hourly by phone as a condition of going to the party. And if at anytime I thought she was intoxicated I would pick her up. I think there are ways of doing it responsibly but its easy for that to be abused so I think it depends on how well you know your child too. I think the thing is to remember we were once that age, and it is hard for them. And they will be faced with choices, and we as parents would like to *hope* that they make the right choice and often better choices than we did. But I think its how they deal with it if they do make a bad decision and how we treat them in that situation that will help them to make better choices in the future. Trust is important even when they don't always do things the way we would like them to.

    Goodluck Tanya, I hope Alecia can understand your perspective.

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  13. #13

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    Cailin, knowing what I was like as a teen is what scares me most LOL.

    I'm sure that with a bit of explaining your reasons why and even getting a counsellor to talk to her if you think she is open to that might help the situation. I know it is hard for a teen when it seems like eveyone is allowed to do everything that you're not, but geez, there is so much more that can happen to a drunk teen these days on top of getting drunk - we didn't have to worry about drink spiking and stuff like that.

    And Sarah, I agree - the ones at my school who were totally forbidden it were the ones who got absolutely maggoted and acted like pork chops.

    So I think a bit of leeway on both sides is the way to handle it respsonsibly, but you can do that and not give in to them nor buy it for them etc, kwim?

    Let us know how you go Tanya.

  14. #14
    Tigergirl1980 Guest

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    IMO 14-15 is defintely too young to be drinking so I absolutely think that you've done te right thing. Although I've never had to experience this and I may change my mind in future but I might be a little more lenient if she were 16-17. I would definitely set limits though and would definitely call and have her call if I/she thought things were getting out of hand at the party and needed to be picked up. Not saying you should do that at all in the future just what I would do. I would however sit down and ask why she felt it necessary to drink and did she think that it would make her 'cool'.

    Ben and I haven't discussed this as it's quite a far off problem for us. I'm hoping it won't be much of an issue seeing as neither of us drink however I know how hard peer pressure works. We will defintely sit down with our children (and you might want to do this too) and discuss the dangers of alcohol, the dangers of binge drinking, and how important it is to be a responsible drinker. So many things can go wrong and the scary thing is at these parties not are there drunk girls but a lot of the time drunk boys too and some drunk boys are not nice and lose all sense of control.

    I think education is highly important, and even though you have said no to her maybe discuss them anyway in case she does go out and sneak around behind your back, because atleast then she is well informed and might think about those things whilst she's doing it. Oh and a counsellor might not be a bad idea, she might listen to someone who is impartial.

    Good luck Tanya, oh all the joys we have to look forward too

  15. #15

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    Its so funny, as a teen I thought I would be soooo cool as a mother but when the time comes you suddenly realise what your parents were on about LOL I wish my mum was still alive so I could apologise again for my actions as a teenager !

  16. #16

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    Oh soooooooooooo true Christine!!!!!!!

    Jo

  17. #17

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    From a youngish age (maybe 10-11) I am going to let DS have a watered down small glass of wine with dinner - I don't agree with "Mummy can have this but you mustn't touch it." You have to lead by example and I intend to teach responsible drinking. That way he's tried alcohol before it's an issue and he may not like it. I won't get in the alcopops or larger, it will be "proper" stuff only (wine or a decent bitter - not spirits!).

    I had my first hangover at 10m old, not what I want for my babies!

    BTW, in the UK it's only buying alcohol that's illegal until 18 - you may drink at home or under parental supervision from age 5, in public (indoors) age 11, outside age 16.

  18. #18

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    OMG Ryn!!!! I cant believe that is legal when our children's brains are so vulnerable at that age..surely just because its not illegal people dont really allow that???

    Jo

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