boyfriends...AAH!

[annie123]

My 15 almost 16 year old is dating a slightly older boy who has had some mental health issues over the past few years. They can spend excessive hours on the phone ... worse case scenario looks like this: he (or she) rings every morning after I walk out the door, every afternoon when she's not working after school , most evenings and soemtimes till late at night.. our last fight was when I took th e phone off her at 1am on a school night. She doesn't think that its a problem... I do ! I am cursing the invention of the cordless phone and have taken the batteries out andtaken them to work with me, which causes more fights!
HELP ... i am going crazy... no meaning ful conversation can be had regarding this boy. I have become my daughter's worse enemy. What's normal ???

[kirsty_lee]

I think just IMO this is probably typical 15 year old behaviour, espeically from a girl. Something about 15 year old girls and boys makes them a bit silly. She may not realise your doing it for her own good but im sure she will come round. Good Luck

[Naomi]

Sorry to say but i was the same at that age, i would spend all day at school with my bf and if we weren't seeing each other after, we would spend all night on the phone, my mum and i had some major rows over it.

[Lulu]

You are absolutley doing the right thing taking her off the phone so late. My MAX limit is 10pm for my 15 yo.
You have to be careful not to alienate her (cos the bf is prolly already giving her the "your mum doesn't understand you like I do" crap) too much, but you absolutely should NOT let her walk all over you or call the shots. It's only gets worse once they know your breaking point. Geez that sounds awful dosn't it but it's true!
It's totally absurd to spend so much time talking to her boyfriend, but I suppose she's in luurrrve and there ain't much you can do about that. However it bothers me a little that he is monopolises her so much. Does she have time for her friends at all? There is a thread I posted a while back about the same situation - if I can get a brain I will post the link.

OK - see if this works

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...boyfriend.html

I tried to set boundaries pretty early with DD, ones she could "grow into" as well as ones with movable borders as she proves herself. I had a 14 yo SDD a few years back and it was darn good practice in what to expect!

[annie123]

Thank you everyone.... on the subject of her friends at school, she has had difficulties over the past year. She feels she doesn't fit in 'cause she's a little altrnative ... She has a lot of friends but none wh o are close at school, which makes the whole bf thing worse 'cause now he's the only one who understands her. He has grt diff himself with friends , it's like this she's his whole world and vise versa! I know this is a foul and feral age and it could be a whole lot worse, she's still doing ok at school, she's being honest about where she is , doesn't sneak out or lie about stuff ... I just hate being the enemy all the time.

[Lulu]

I hear you! DD is a little alternative herself and I had the same boyfriend worries. At one stage she was fighting with all her friends at once (this really worried me), but she has since got herself on track again. Once she told me some of the issues she had with some friends I was pretty proud of herself for standing strong for what she believed in. She has sorted out the real friends from the crap pretty early. Just had to trust her belief in herself. The thing that keeps me from stressing too much is my DD is doing well at school too.

I did put limits on the amount of time she spent on the computer/phone with him as it was getting irritating, and I don't let her "hang out" at his place all holidays. I'm happy to have him here, and I'm always very welcoming to him.
I've drop-kicked her off to Wilderness Camp today for 10 days. That will keep her out of trouble (not that she is in any but ykwim?), and I like the busyness and the achievements she can accomplish for a bit of a confidence boost (whilst washing her own dishes tee heee!).

Gonna miss the little bugger - oh and her BF has been around for quite a few months now, he's actually not a bad kid.

[annie123]

i have the same busyness theory , try to involve her in othr stuff. It's my current strategy , that and encourage her to do things with othr people . So far so good, the bf seems to have agrophobia of some kind so is not keen on going places including our house. He was in my son's yr at school and he was witness to the bf's self harm incident at school. Needless to say he's not too happy about coming here when big brother is home.
My son was a very vrbally agressive kid at the same age and i can remember considering sending him to live with his dad until he grew up some, reality is he was much worse than his sister. HOwever... here's the hope !!! He 's now 19 , 2nd yr at uni with distinctions and credits, is turning into a very nice young man who hugs his mum nearly everyday voluntarily. He's becoming responsible and pleasant and seems to appreciate everything thats done for him.
So ... i know i've just gotta ride the wave with her... trouble is it can so easily feel like a tsunami and you're drowning. Thanks so much Lulu.. it's nice to have a friendly ear
xxxx
Enjoy the wilderness time... i wonder if they have such a thing up here.