To interfere or let it be

[Madham]

DD (15) went to her besties 16th birthday last night, movies and they camped outside in a tent, 6 girls and no boys.
All went well or so i thought, the girls parents i have known for 12 years and they have similar parenting rules as we do, so i never had a second thought about the birthday party until just now i was looking on fb and one of dd's friends facebook is public and i noticed she had a status "party time - need grog", i don't allow dd to drink so i went and asked her if she did not letting on i had read anything on fb. She said no but 2 of the girls snuck off and met boys and drank.
Im not naive and i know this happens and yes i did it myself but my predicament as a friend of the birthday girls parents is should i inform them of what happened as we have discussed keeping each other in the loop so to speak with the girls.
I do not like one of the girls much at all but i trust my daughter to make her own decisions and choose her own friends but hope she sees the light with this one sooner rather than later.
Enough dribble, would you tell the parents that the girls snuck off and drank???

[*EJ*]

I think i would, not in an 'i'm dobbing' (to put it immaturly) kind of a way... more so an 'oh no i think this is where it gets tough lets help eachother out with how to deal with this one' kind of way.

Like you said keeping eachother in the loop and discussing how best to deal with things could really help you both and your daughters.

Good luck

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I would. They should know what kind of friends their daughter has.

Plus i find it so disrespectful that these girls did this, yes i drank at that age but i never snuck off to do so when i was under the care of one of my friends parents.

[Madham]

Thanks i was just thinking if the shoe was on the other foot i would want to know if it happened at my house and dd just informed me her friends dad had words with the girls early in the night as he found them smoking.
LMS yes i drank at there age too, im more concerned about the disrespect for the birthday girl and her parents, what they do in there own house under the parents rules is no concern of mine. If that makes sense.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I'd tell the parents - if there is going to be alcohol at a party parents should be notified - before if planned, after if not. If the parents don't know what was going on, you need to tell them so they can inform the other parents.

[Maruschke]

I'd ask to bounce ideas off them, like, how do you think we should deal with this?

I wonder if any of the parents have also seen it on FB and are wondering the same thing?

[feeb]

I would say something as I would want to know if it was at my house.

[Catastrophic]

You did tell them you would keep eachother informed. This is one of those times.

[Bengal]

I don't know ...

When my DD was 14 or 15 I knew that one if her friends had sex in a park, after sneaking out. I was fairly close to the mum, and I decided to do the right thing and let her know, tactfully of course.

It backfired on my DD with her friend telling their teenage friends that I "let the cat out f the bag" , it caused a lot of embaressment for my DD.

I spoke to parenting line about it, at the time, and they told me, my most important role, was to look after my relationship with my own daughter, and to not abuse her trust by telling what she confided in me. Especially if it isn't an illegal or abusive situation.

I still see the young girl from the park, the girls are 20 now and I still feel uncomfortable that I shared my daughters trust in me .

It's totally your call, however I would be prepared for what may change in your daughters friendships for her if you do tell, I have always found the parents end up telling who told them, when they confront their own children

[Madham]

Bengal i spoke to my daughter about telly her besties parents before i went ahead and talked to them about it and she was happy for me too, as she said one of the girls was really drunk and vomiting etc, in her words it was discusting. I have a great relationship with DD and she talks to me about almost everything so i also want to keep it that way. I am proud of her for the way she conducted herself on the night after speaking to the parents today they mentioned that they had heard my dd giving one of the girls a lecture about disrespecting her bestie and there so called friendship.
The parents were not surprised as they suspected something may have gone on but were not totally sure of the exact happenings, they are not going to say who they found out from just that they were directed to it on fb.
The Flying Butter this thread has nothing to do with sex and as i said i do not like these girls but i trust my daughter to find her own friends and make her own choices and i believe forbidding her to be friends with certain people can do more harm than good at her age. I have faith that she will via away from these girls in time and i think she will grow and mature into a lovely woman from learning from all situations rather than wrapping her in cotton wool. IYKWIM

[peanutter]

I would want to know if it was happening at my home, or during a party I was hosting.

I would want to know so I could keep my children safe, and be aware of potential risks I might need to plan for next time ...

I would also want to know because at the end of the day, you can be held responsible for whatever goes on at your home ... if the drinking was to have started in their yard, or if someone had brought a joint - or if the boys had ended up coming back - etc, there could have been some serious consequences ...

Having had teenagers in our care for several years, things like this came up a lot and communication and trust with other parents we could relate to were imperative.

And having been at parties in my youth when the proverbial did hit the fan, I can see in hindsight that some things wouldn't have happened if the parents had a better idea of what had gone on at earlier parties ...

Naturally, I'd be speaking to the parents in confidence, in a way which wasn't going to reflect poorly on my daughter - if you've known these people for 12 years, hopefully this can be done in a trusting environment where it won't come back to bite either of your girls, but you can brainstorm some ideas for the next party, so you can both be confident that your girls are able to have parties and have a good time and so forth - without safety being compromised.

[black_rose]

I would be talking to the parents, just say you noticed on fb what was said, you don't have to mention your dd at all and take the conversation from there.

[Rowellen]

would you tell the parents that the girls snuck off and drank???

Yes. If only to make that girl realise the dangers of having a public FB profile & adjust her privacy settings. It's on FB & public therefore I think you can easily do this without betraying anyone's trust. Possibly the parents already know if they check their DD's FB.

[peanutter]

sounds like you have a great and sensible DD on your hand, Madham, and a good relationship with her!

IMO you've handled the situation in way that respects her, her friends, and their parents. nicely done

[Catastrophic]

sounds like you have a great and sensible DD on your hand, Madham, and a good relationship with her!

IMO you've handled the situation in way that respects her, her friends, and their parents. nicely done

Yup this xoxo


Cat xox

[~*familyof3*~]

i to agree with peanutter. Good job