To interfere or let it be

[Catastrophic]

You did tell them you would keep eachother informed. This is one of those times.

[Bengal]

I don't know ...

When my DD was 14 or 15 I knew that one if her friends had sex in a park, after sneaking out. I was fairly close to the mum, and I decided to do the right thing and let her know, tactfully of course.

It backfired on my DD with her friend telling their teenage friends that I "let the cat out f the bag" , it caused a lot of embaressment for my DD.

I spoke to parenting line about it, at the time, and they told me, my most important role, was to look after my relationship with my own daughter, and to not abuse her trust by telling what she confided in me. Especially if it isn't an illegal or abusive situation.

I still see the young girl from the park, the girls are 20 now and I still feel uncomfortable that I shared my daughters trust in me .

It's totally your call, however I would be prepared for what may change in your daughters friendships for her if you do tell, I have always found the parents end up telling who told them, when they confront their own children

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I spoke to parenting line about it, at the time, and they told me, my most important role, was to look after my relationship with my own daughter, and to not abuse her trust by telling what she confided in me. Especially if it isn't an illegal or abusive situation.

Isn't having sex at 14 illegal then? Just like buying alcohol at 16?

The girls will hopefully thank you when they are mothers themselves, even if their short-term attitude is "oh no, dobbed." And do you really want your daughter to be friends with the type of girl who would do this anyway?

[Bengal]

IMO : asking the question is sex illegal at 14 in the situation I mentioned is irrelevant. Seriously what 14 year old gets arrested for sex (in the general population)

As for the question would I want my daughter to be friends with "that type of girl " ????? What type of girl, your stereo typing, believe me my DD went to a private girls school, and those "types" of girls, as you put it, are the nicest, intelligent, young ladies you could now meet. Young girls make silly, silly decisions, and if you are to suggest your daughter disassociate with a certain "type" , your being too judgmental.

All you can do is have the best line of communication with your child, be available for them, and hope and pray they make sensible choices.

I'm not a parenting expert by any means, but I am so proud of the way I raised my daughter and the young woman she has become, we have an amazing relationship, so I felt my thoughts may help the OP, if she can think of it from every angle, before letting the parents know.

I am picking up on a vibe that you think my OP was

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Look, underage sex is illegal - not my problem that the law authorities don't care. I do. And I don't want my children thinking that breaking the law because the authorities don't care is OK. Nor do I want them hanging around with people of that mindset. Silly decisions get made a lot of the time - breaking the law is not "silly", it is illegal.

And yes, I am sooooo judgemental that I am no longer good friends with some women I used to be friends with because of their choices, such as choosing to swear at and hit their children. Sorry, I don't want my son picking up swearwords before he goes to school, nor do I want hitting to be normalised for him. Judgemental? Sure. Thinking of what behaviour I want my son to see I think is acceptable? Also true.

[Bengal]

Omg ! Your completely twisting this whole thread . Who said anything about your son and parents who hit their children.

Unbelievable, how did I get involved in this, when all I was doing was trying to help .

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

My apologies, I was replying to you. I felt you were saying the OP shouldn't say anything: you had been advised to say nothing unless the situation was illegal or abusive. To my mind, your situation was about children breaking the law, so I don't understand why you regret reporting it. You then said no-one cares about under-age sex. Well, I do.

You then called me judgemental. I will agree to that and gave you an example of being judgemental and why I do it - for the benefit of me and my family. I would not want my children associating with people who broke the law without a care nor who abused others. And therefore, I don't associate with them. Yes, it may be judgemental, but it is what I believe is best for my family - just as I believe letting other parents know that their teen has been involved in illegal behaviour is ultimately the best thing to do; if those children decide to dislike my child for it then no, I don't think they're the greatest of friends and I'd rather DS was free of their influence.

[Madham]

Bengal i spoke to my daughter about telly her besties parents before i went ahead and talked to them about it and she was happy for me too, as she said one of the girls was really drunk and vomiting etc, in her words it was discusting. I have a great relationship with DD and she talks to me about almost everything so i also want to keep it that way. I am proud of her for the way she conducted herself on the night after speaking to the parents today they mentioned that they had heard my dd giving one of the girls a lecture about disrespecting her bestie and there so called friendship.
The parents were not surprised as they suspected something may have gone on but were not totally sure of the exact happenings, they are not going to say who they found out from just that they were directed to it on fb.
The Flying Butter this thread has nothing to do with sex and as i said i do not like these girls but i trust my daughter to find her own friends and make her own choices and i believe forbidding her to be friends with certain people can do more harm than good at her age. I have faith that she will via away from these girls in time and i think she will grow and mature into a lovely woman from learning from all situations rather than wrapping her in cotton wool. IYKWIM