Explaining Death to an 8 yr old

[aussienic]

Thank you guys!

I am doing fine but when I sit and think about it all I have a little trouble dealing with the forever ness of it all.. forever is a long long time...

[mrsmac]

I know that feeling Nic, my mum died 5 years ago and most days i am fine but every now and then that forever feeling hits and I wonder how I can bear it, it feels so raw and terrible .

[aussienic]

Thats just how I feel... it just hits!!! and then you go OMG never again will I hold thier hand or hear thier voice ...

[paradise lost]

Hi NIc,

I'm sorry sweetheart

It sounds like you handled it amazingly for your boys hun. That's such a wonderful thing.

My cousin's favourite aunt died on my cousin's 10th birthday and her mother told her, "You and Aunt Reenie both knew how special that day is, that's why you chose it to come into this world, and she chose it to go into the next". I don't know how much help that is, but it was a big comfort to my cousin to feel the day was special and not that her aunt had in some way singled her out by dying on her birthday.

I lost my Mum January 2005 and i know what you mean about it suddenly hitting you too. What gives me immense comfort is thinking, in quiet times, of what she'd have said about different things. How she'd have loved Smee, how she'd probably have nagged me to distraction over every little point of mothering, LOL. I still hear her words, remember her smell. Forever is such i long time, it's true. Though she is apart from me now, i get to remember and love her forever too.

With love, and wishing you strength and laughter to help you in the coming weeks.

Bx

[aussienic]

Thats so true... I get to go on loving and remembering Grandmum forever

As for my sons birthday we still haven't told him it happened on his actual birthday. We just said she died in the night... not the morning of.. I will tell him one day if he asks.. ALthough he did ask what time he was born which was 12:10am and then he asked what time GG died and i said between 4 and 6am.. then you could see his little mind ticking over and he said sooooo I was already 8 then.... So he may have worked it out on his own and is ok with it

[aussienic]

Its tough no matter how much time has past isn't it?

I am trying to not think to much. I know crying is fine but I just don't want to let go completly because I don't know if I will stop.

My son Ethan did really well at the Funeral. The church itself was fine. He kept leaning over and rubbing my arm but his face showed all his emotions. As they wheeled the Casket out he broke down and he was struggling as we followed Grandmum to the hearse. We didn't take the boys to the cemetary and I am glad of that decision. We had the hearse come past the house and pause then continue to the cemetary and my sons and inlaws were on the verandah as we all drove past and poor Ethan was devastated. He had a few tears today. He is simply exhausted, It has been a long week both physically and emotionally...

My other son Isaac started on monday saying " when will GG be back" Shes coming back soon isn't she" I am fairly sure for a child of his age thats normal emotions. He has been very quiet and looks thoughtful from time to time. He also started today becoming hysterical if something upset him. My mums cat scratched him and he was beside himself. I couldn't even understand him as he was crying so much. the scratch is barely anything. so I wonder is it more to do with this past week then simply the cat...

*sigh* poor babies. I feel so sad for them that they have had to go through this at such a young age.. Where they can't verbalise properly how they are feeling or even fully understand thier own feelings

[Lucy]

I know crying is fine but I just don't want to let go completly because I don't know if I will stop.

Oh Nic, I totally empathise on that one. My advice, FWIW, is to literally pick a time when you CAN break down (ie when all the children are safe and alseep) and just allow yourself to have the most massive cry. Let it all out.....a huge box of tissues for all the snot and some loving arms to fall into helps........

It will stop (might take minutes, probably hours) but when it does, you may feel a slight sense of relief?(You'll most likely feel utterly exhausted......)

Hugs to you.

And certainly from what you have said about Isaac and the cat.......I totally agree that it was not about the cat as such. (When my Dad died, about 10 days afterwards, I spilled some hot tea on myself. I remember crying the hosue down over "my burnt hand".....and throwing the tea cup to the floor......it was all just an excuse to get the rage and pain & frustration and tears out....)

Take care of yoruself babe........

[paradise lost]

it was all just an excuse to get the rage and pain & frustration and tears out

I think children are quite good at finding outlets in that way. I was the same when my Nana died (i was 8), all was cool until i dropped my lolly in the street about 3 days later then i had a total meltdown on the pavement. I agree with Lucy about the crying Nic. I usually have a cry in the shower when i need to as it's "me" time anyway and i can spend a good while sobbing on the shower tray if need be. Afterwards i always feel like i've washed it away and let it out and it's good (also the steam helps with the snot). XP used to sit on the loo while i did this to keep me company (especially after mum died). DP hasn't had the pleasure yet...

hun, look after yourself.

Bx