MASSIVE double teenager vent

[AngelPunks]

Luce - can I come live with you please I'll be the perfect daughter

[Girl-23]

Lol@living on 2 min noodles. Teenage girls can be difficult. You are doing a good job, Lulu. You are so strong. I don't think I could deal with such behaviour but than again she is your daughter. Although I never moved away my mother, I do remember demanding YA. Lol. I know - stupid! I did it out of spite. Of course I never went ahead with it and went to CL. But my mother gave it to me when I turned 18. The catch was to buy my own text books for university, help out with the family grocery, or give my younger siblings bus fare. Lulu, hopefully she will come around. By the sounds of it, you give her so much freedom, maybe you should consider cutting back on that time because of her bad behaviour?

Marlene,

So sorry to hear about your daughter.

[Lulu]

Punks - I'll tell her there is a replacement waiting in the wings if she doesn't behave

[Hollybolly]

Just wanted to pop in & give you massive hugs hun xxxx

I'm only just learning about parenting a teenager (its been a whole 3 months now )... and he isn't even being difficult

Lu - I think you're just an admirable parent, I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for you - good on you for staying strong sweetie xxxxxxxxxxxx

[fionas]

That sounds awful Lulu.

What d'you reckon is underneath all this? Is this all about ongoing attention-seeking cos there's two littlies in the house? What's your gut feeling?

[Lulu]

Fi, I have searched my brain long and hard for the answer and I can't find anything that really sticks, or explains it. I also have many people around me who would not be afraid to tell me if it was something I am doing wrong or being unreasonable.

I think its her craving independence (of which she has IMO, just the right amount for a girl her age), mixed with an inability to see how her own actions are contributing to the issue. She often says "you never do what you say you are going to" ie - make curtains for her room, take her out somewhere, whatever. The reason I would not have followed through is she has been a turd, but I say it at the time of the offence iykwim?

aahh dunno

[Marlene]

I think we could rack our brains forever lulu and we would still not know the "why's" of their beahviour!

again hun.

[tiggerandpooh]

it hurts though doesn't it? that look of utter contempt on their faces....sigh

Hang in there - and just keep remembering that the part of her brain that makes rational decisions is still developing. I know I keep saying it but it really is true. (I have to remind myself when Laura is rolling her eyes, snapping "WHAT?" at me, huffing around the place like I have just asked her to give me a litre of blood when I have asked to do something that she actually recieves pocket money for....)

As Bath said "this too shall pass"

marlene. i can only imagine the hurt you are feeling right now. The hardest thing to do is letting go...

[rhyb]

Lulu
Hope Bell comes to her senses.

[DoubleK]

i canonly hope i tun out to be as good a mum as you lulu!

i never gave my parents hell... but my 17yo brother is giving them enough fo the both of us... i am taking mental notes for when my time comes!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I wish you were my mum, Lu! I wasn't that bad but I'd have loved to see my brat of a sister treated that way.

Who, btw, has now apologised unreservedly to Mum and lives a 2-minute walk around the corner from her, the two of them being best of friends!

[Footsteps]

omg lu - she sounds like my bro - the only blessing is he is now decieded to go in the british royal air force.
hopefully hel learn respect and manners lol.
i wish you luck hun we are for you to vent whenever
love rach xxx

[mrsmac]

Hugs Lu, you are doing a fantastic job. Stick to your guns.
DD1 moved into my dad's house last year for 8 months because we were "unreasonable and controlling" Sadly my dad gave her too much freedom but he also didn't wash for her, cook for her, make her lunch etc and she moved back with us last November after we had an open and frank discussion about how much we loved her but had rules for a reason.
Its not always been perfect but I think she is older and wiser from it and appreciates living in a family where she gets fed and cared for. The big thing was recently her cat was badly injured and had huge vet bills- DH hates the cat but he called his sister to borrow the money and now we are all going without tonnes of things (including food LOL) to pay her back. This made Jess really see what families do for one another, she has been working extra hours at Maccas to help pay for things and really appreciates what it means to be a family.
I am finding that explaining to her why I am saying no helps a bit but really its an irrational age, 16, sadly I think you just have to wait it out.

[Catastrophic]

how she going in the unit lulu???

[Jennifer13]

Well I'm surprisingly calm about it lately which is probably doing her head in.

She is an absolute testament to stubbornness - for a month she has gone without chocolate, ANTM, computer and sat out there in the most revolting mess eating 2 minute noodles and sneaking in for breakfast every morning.

Now I wonder who she sounds like?

Seriously, hun, as frustrating as this is, you have made your decision and she has made hers and you are both as stubborn as each other. If you think you are doing the right thing to get the kind of outcome you would like (ie in the way she accepts responsibility) then I say continue to make your stand. But if you don't think this is going to help her (think long term) then perhaps it's time to think of another way to get what you want for her. Also, if you are asking for her to treat you with respect, then I think it's fair that she be treated respectfully as well. Which I'm sure you try to do, but with her slightly underdeveloped emotional brain it may not always seem that way to her.

this BTW from the woman who has to remind herself not to fight a 3 year old on the 5th change of clothes in one day...! (So feel free to ignore me - I'm just remembering what I was like as a teenager).

[Lulu]

He he, I stood strong and continue to do so! And I'm winning

To be fair, I always knew it would be me that made the first move but she was so continually awful I felt I never had the chance. She actually cleaned her room up perfectly and started to wander in to play with the kids.
She went out on Saturday night so I drove her (the 'giving in' part!) and we had a nice chat on the way. I ended up with food poisoning (I think) later that night and when she came home she fussed over me nicely, made sure I was comfortable and helped distract the kids outta my hair the next day.
She got a near perfect score on one of her SAC's, and 80% on her biology exams and 75% for maths and I'm proud of her (and then told her I expect 85 and 80% respectively on her next exams )

Its nice having her back on a lazy Sunday too, we all stay in our jimjams, watch trashy telly and play Wii together. It wasn't as fun without her and I think she missed us too

I'm only such a hardass on the dealbreakers, yanno? Safety, respect, self-respect , integrity, responsibility and pride in your work. End of story, these are my expectations.

Like I told DD - when she was little and her behaviour was bad, it would reflect on ME. Now she is older and able to make her own decisions, it will reflect on HER.....

[Curly]

I've been reading this thread with interest...I'm a looong way away from teenagerdom yet but I was a horrible teenage girl.

Lulu, I think you are doing fantastically. The only thing I would contribute is that you need to be careful to allow her to "save face". Apologising/agreeing that you were right will cost her a great deal and if you do what my Mum did, which was to make it clear she felt that she had "won" and I had capitulated, will just make things worse. There was always that triumphant glint in her eye.

It sounds like such a little thing, but I had some dreadful standoffs with my Mum just because I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of winning, y'know?

[Lulu]

She has always been that way. You just have to give her a chance to let herself off the hook.
I hate the stress of the whole thing, I don't care about winning it's too fricken tiring being right all the time!