Fi, I have searched my brain long and hard for the answer and I can't find anything that really sticks, or explains it. I also have many people around me who would not be afraid to tell me if it was something I am doing wrong or being unreasonable.

I think its her craving independence (of which she has IMO, just the right amount for a girl her age), mixed with an inability to see how her own actions are contributing to the issue. She often says "you never do what you say you are going to" ie - make curtains for her room, take her out somewhere, whatever. The reason I would not have followed through is she has been a turd, but I say it at the time of the offence iykwim?

aahh dunno