Nighttime

[soul]

Do you allow your teenager to go out of a night anywhere?

Like on Friday and Saturday nights?

[briggsy's girl]

i dont have teens yet, so this is speaking more from the teen i used to be! we were allowed out on fri/sat night so long as our folks knew where we'd be.if we said we were going to X and the went to Y, we sure as hell had to let mum know or we wouldnt be allowe out again for a month!! this started from about 14 but,and this is a huuuuuge one, we lived in a small country town - everyone knew everyone (still do really - cant get away with anything!) so there tended to always be one set of parents that were keeping an eye on us all. i know the attitude would have been much different if we were in a city/suburbs

[Lulu]

Anything Belle does at night is usually a sleepover (all parents called to confirm, bedding sorted etc).
If she does go out at night it's only really with parents or grandparents.

Do you mean out with a bunch of friends, no parentals? - Oh actually Belle does go to the movies with her friends but it's no later than a 6.30 show with parent pick up/drop off.
I usually address issues as they come up, she hasn't asked to do anything else yet. I have a feeling she may want to go to the Melbourne Show this year, she can go with a group of friends - I'm not sure how I would feel if she wanted to go at night. It's hard because I did at that age......

[soul]

Yes go out of a night, obviously Not with parents lol If I was going to be there then I wouldnt be posting lol.

My teenages are "Very" social kids and quite popular in our area and are starting to ask about this party and that party and I know the kids that are going to be there drink. I am not worried baout my two drinking as I know they wont they detest alchol, but I worry about what the drinkers could do.


I just wondred how many let there kids out to parties and such on a weekned?

[Lulu]

Well if I knew there would be drinking at a party I would say no. I can't see Belle having a drink, but it's the other out-of-control yobbos and the attitude of the host parents that I may have a problem with.

I suppose you would have to consider your own situation and area that you live. Who is at the party etc. I'm in the suburbs and you read the the paper about hundreds of kids crashing parties etc, etc, etc.

Anyway, Belle seems happy with girly sleepovers and non-drinking parties. I know all the parents of her friends (I made an absolute point of that after being horrified at the number of parents who are quite happy dropping their kids off at my house when they have never met me. This first happened at DD's 5th birthday can you believe?), and they have the same approach to teens and drinking as I do (so far).

[soul]

Thanks for reply. The parties they are talking about dont have any parents there, its the local kids and I know most of them. My son skates with them and goes to rap comps with most of them. They are not the kind of gang that sit and drink tea, they are skaters and rap dancers and like freedom. They are good kids though not into trouble or anything with the law, they drink which is something I dont like in teenagers, as they do not have the mentality in knowing how to cope with a situation if someone was to spike there drink or what not. Scary stuff at that age, or they may get drunk and go wild not knowing how to handle there grog, thats what worries me.

My two tried to convince me last night too, but I just am not sure, there is a party coming up this weekedn and I am leaning towards no, but they both said how can you learn to trust us if you do not allow us to prove it to oyu, and I see there point in that respect but its not them I worry about and trying to tell them that is making me feel like I am judgeing their friends. Its in a house, no parnet as they are rich kids and parnets go away every second weekend, and the kid that lives there is Brain and he is 17 and a half, ben friend with my two for 12 years, so I just dont know.

[Lulu]

You have the last say no matter what, and they are merely doing their job as teens is they are making you feel guilty! Hhmmm, it must be hard having 2 of them on your back!

[Lulu]

Actually, now I've slept on it......!

If it's a regular thing to 'party' at this house, I wouldn't call it a party at all. It's just a place to drink. What's the celebration? Parents going away?
You know it's totally up to you but when you look at the bare facts - drinking, unsupervised teens with not much else to do well.......................

[soul]

These days kids dont have to have a celebration to have a party, if therev is music, food and heaps of people its a party lol. But it is knew for us because my kids have never been to it.

I guess there comes a time when we need to trust our kids . Its only two streets away form here. I might let joshy go I think, I cant lock him up forever and he needs to know I do trust him, there is going to be s first time for all the things that worry me, so if I can give him the benifit of the doubt this time and he does well I know my job a as parent was well done, if he stuffs up I bring that up next time he asks me and he will know why I say no. I wish my kids were the play in there bedrooms kind of kids with a handle full of friends, but they are very out going and know everyone, so its harder for me.

[Lulu]

Well it is only 2 streets away - maybe give him a chance to prove himself (and give you a rest from the whining!!!!).

It's such a personal decision isn't it?

[soul]

That it is, but I dont think I will allow Chloe to go, for some reason girls worry me more, hope that dont sound mean to josh! Thank you for your input I did go away thinking about what you said, and decided that Chloe-Mae is still that little bit too young in my eyes.

[Lulu]

Yeah - and I think you gotta let the older one have priveliges over the younger one. Don't ask me why, probably 'cos I was the eldest myself!

You would laugh your ass off if you knew me IRL. I was going to pubs at 14 (well I wanted to see INXS so that's fair lol!), and pretty much did whatever I felt like by the time I was 16. Not that my parents were too impressed, they must have worried terribly and I feel bad about it now......

[Pandora]

I never went out on a friday/saturday night until I was about 17.
if there were going to be other adults there (like my friends parents etc) then it was OK, but never on our own.
Even when I was at uni, if I had late lectures my parents would insist on picking me up.

[Bathsheba]

I would err on the side of caution too in this scenario. But I wouldn't condemn you if you chose to trust him. I allow my nearly 13yo to walk to school (most parents don't) and I allow my 4yo to sip wine at the table... but I wouldn't allow my son to go to a party at night where there are older kids drinking. Alcohol affects each person differently (I lived in a pub when I was 17/18/19). How can you tell if there will be another 17 yo there who might get violent? But ultimately it's your call, you know the kids involved, just as long as the party isn't gate crashed I guess.

[soul]

Lu lmao I was really bad growing up, like running away and really wild, a wild child who ended up rapped in a room full of boys, it was dark but still not nice. I drank with my mother at 12 and was smoking mums ciggies and sharing joints with her all at the age of 13 so I think I am a great mother compared to what my mother was like although my mother had a mental illness, I know that now, but when I was a kid I just thought it was cool to have my mother party with us kids.

Anyway, off topic.....



Josh is a very matured yo0ung man, he is going to Tafe and now working part time for a small shop in our area. He hates smokers lol he hates the smell of them and he detest alchol as his father, my hubbie is a reformed alcholic for 10 years now, so he see's what damage it can do to families, and my mother is a alcholic too so he has grown up seeing what it does to ones mind and body. And since he is working towards being a health and fitness trainer being healthy he is obsessed with. I I know he will not drink, and I trust that with every piece of my being, he hates the stuff. Everyone loves joshy around here so cant see how anyone would hassle him, and since he dont drink cant see what trouble he can get into.

I never allowed my kids to taste alchol when little, I feel that just gives them the taste for it. The law certianly would not allow that, as that would be a form of child abuse here in Australia, it might be ok in some countries, not sure why, but not here. Its just teaching them younger that alchol is ok and its not. My hubbie worked in a drug and alchol rehab after he detoxed for 3 months, and he had to look after a baby and toddler who's mother was detoxing and so was the baby, he said it was the worst thing he has ever seen watching this little baby detox. I guess even a mouthful a day is going to do some damage later on. My mum only has three glasses a night and her liver is stuffed. Imgine a young fresh liver of a childs in 10 years time.

Anyway each to there own, but I can saftley say I know joshy wont drink, so I am letting him go. I cant see any teenager boy at almost 17 hanging around the parents of his friends, unless they are mamma's boys lol, or real nerds as my kids put it. My son loves his mother but he wants that umbilic chord cut some time too.


I will never be able to know if another teenager might get violent, I mean it happens in school a kid comes in with a gun and goes off, I cant lock him up because it "May" happen. He will have to learn how to deal with a situation if another kid is drunk and gets nasty, he will have to learn to walk away which I am sure he would do. He can be in a shopping mall and a gang of kids start bullying him there and they are on drugs and wild, again he will have to learn to make desicions for himself on what he would do, as this situation could come up anytime .

[mrsmac]

I haven't let Jess go to any parties where there will be no adult supervision much to her annoyance LOL One party she told em would have parents I just had a bad feeling about so rang the house beforehand and asked to speak to MrsX and was told that she was on holidays until the following week! Needless to say Jess didn't got to that party.

[soul]

Well he went which was weeks ago and all went perfectly fine, he didnt drink as I knew he wouldn't and didnt get bashed lol and he felt as though I trusted him enough to make his first own judgements about how he should handle the outside world away from mammas apron lol. Its only a year and a bit till he can legally go to a pub, sop I am letting him learn now how the outisde world can be, not so nice as he would have grown up to imagine. But he needs to learn some skills himself on how to handle it, not saying I am throwing him to the wholves but I am allowing a little bit if freedom as not to suffocate him. The change in attitude towards me for that minuuuuute bit of freedom towards me is astonshing, he is really being so much easier to deal with and less moody. I know there is going to come a time he will enter the world without a parent at every avenue, and that is only a year away, so I am giving him little baby steps now to warm his way into what life is really like without mum holding his hand. And I am proud to say I think he is opening his eyes wide enough to see life is not all about playing games, there is some serious stuff out there.

[paradise lost]

We didnt really have "house parties" when i was a teen. I was allowed to go to nightclubs from age 15, but my dad dropped me off and picked me up (in full view of the doorstaff!) and the attitude was if i got in, i was allwed to stay. I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol though. When i was 16 i was allowed to have 1 drink.

Bec