Bec, I am so sorry for your pain and you too Soul, as a teacher one of the things we are taught to look for is inappropriate sexual knowledge in children as this is often a sign they have been abused.
My problem with this issue when I was a teenager was that my parents were VERY religious so sex outside marriage was just forbidden and no discussion will be entered into. There fore when I did sleep with someone for the first time I felt like I had to stay with him and ended up in a really emotionally abusive relationship for a long time because i felt like I must cause I had slept with him.
Its so hard to find that happy medium isn't it? I think motherhood of a teen is sooo hard ATM I find Riley a breath of fresh air cause its so easy!!!
Soul- i think your DD sounds like a sensible and wise kid and you have a great relationship with her.
my SIL was 15 when she met her husband, who is 8 years older.
She is like 11 years older than my DH, so i wasn't around at the time (obviously, cos he was like 4), but i believe my PIL freaked out.
They got engaged when she was 17, and married when she finished uni. They have now been married for 15 years, but together for a lot longer.
They have a beautiful happy marriage, with 2 kids. But if i was her parent, i would have lost it at my BIL - i would have thought he was only after 1 thing... You can't really pick it, but sometimes there is more to it than just sex.. Although i probably still wouldn't have allowed it, but then again, how do you stop kids that age, they do find a way around everything!
Gosh i want my kids to stay small...can't deal with this stress!
There is a Yiddish saying, which is basically, "little children, little problems/concerns, big children, BIG problems" - I agree!
We were the same Yael, Marc and I met at 15 and officially started dating/courting/whatever its called these days, less than a month after my 16th birthday. Marc was 21 at the time. We didn't consummate the relationship for a long time as I'd just come out of a very sexually abusive relationship and also with prior past issues, I was the one instigating and Marc was the one saying no, so its not always the guy who is the sex crazed fiend (not that I was but ykwim). I didn't have parental influence at the time, but I had been in a way more dangerous relationship shortly prior to being with Marc and he was a lot older. I think I would judge these situations individually as it really does depend on the maturity and the motives iykwim? His parents were actually very understanding of it all. But then they had to be they have 9 year age gap themselves. And also they trusted they had raised their son well enough iykwim? I hope my Seth turns out like his Dad And I hope Paris finds someone like his Dad
I guess I've only seen this from the other side... 14yo girls whose mothers inform them they're going on the Pill now they have a boyf (my mother's friend, not my friend's mother in case you think someone made this up), mothers hiding sexual activity from fathers, mothers wanting to hear their girls are sleeping with the boyf...
I'll be talking to DS about abstaining (or at least not sleeping around) and the benefits there, I know he'll get all the mechanical knowledge way too early at school so I will need to put in the emotional knowledge. With girls... well, I don't want girls partly for this reason!
Yes, but girls suffer way more abuse - show me one boy who has ever been sexually abused by his girlfriend. I don't want my beautiful girl to have to suffer like this - it seems very rare - both on-line and irl - to find a girl who hasn't suffered in some way because of a man. I am teaching my boy to be a gentleman, but can you really educate a girl how to get out of all the potential abusive situations she may be in? Yes, she can tell you afterwards, but she's still had to suffer.
I know a boy who feels his first time was more or less rape since he was a little drunk and she climbed on him. He can't tell people that though. If a girls says that the police are called. If a boy says it he is laughed out of the place. Boys aren't raised to EVER EVER admit they're uncomfortable in any sexual situations. Society expects boys to love it and be chasing it all the time and girls to be chaste and selective.
Thats true Bec, I know of 2 men who have been sexually abused by a female when they were children and they will never admit it or get any sort of emotional help.
I am raising my three boys and my three girls to all be strong and open. Any experience that they may have to go through life that is not nice, heaven forbid, I want them to know I will always be there for them, and I think if you have a good support system, then it halves the pain of any bad experience.
Ryn I do understand where you are coming from sweetie, girls are scary to raise for me too.
i always dated older guys (dated a 24yo when i was 15, but nothing ever happened, was a virgin until i was 17) but i was very mature for my age. Guy my age seemed like 10 year olds!
Cant add to much, except by calling her a "mad chick" he's just saying he's thinks she's cool/wicked/grouse etc.
Bec, MrsMac: come on now. Yes, boys can be abused too, but does this happen to almost every boy? No. I'm not denying it happens, just saying that it's FAR more common to happen to girls. I'll be just as strict with who can and cannot stay over with DS as I would be a daughter, just be a little happier that I don't have to worry about what goes on at the girlfriend's house as mothers of boys seem to be a little more relaxed about sleeping arrangements - or that is the way it has always been with everyone I know.
Soul I guess a couple of things that I would consider if I had a daughter in that situation would be the emotional maturity of the guy. Does he work or is he attending uni/tafe? Does he have a plan for the future or is he kicking back on the dole? What are his friends like? He could have his head screwed on right and be interested in your daughter after seeing her grow up into a beautiful young lady, or he could be chasing her because the girls his age aren't interested in him. I'm sure you've thought about that stuff already though.
When I was 16 I went out with an 18yo and for the first couple of months it was alright. I felt great having this older guy buy me grog and drive me about (in his mothers Monaro ) It was my first serious sexual relationship and I thought I was in love. After a while he decided he'd rather go out to the pub with his mates and it fizzled out in a weird way. Kind of a blessing really, looking back he really was a loser
Thought I'd also add that my DH is 4 years older then me. We met when I was 23 and he was 27, the age gap is a non issue by that age though.
Last edited by ~Raven~; September 4th, 2007 at 05:18 PM.
My point Ryn is that girls can openly complain about it if it happens to them whereas boys cannot. Society assumes any sexual activity boys/men get up to is what they wanted and were up for, once they passed puberty. I'm know ALOT of teenage boys who have felt depressed, hurt or even suicidal because the girls they were dating have said or spread malicious things about their technique/equipment/stamina, or because they've been pushed ino situations where they weren't comfortable and had sex because they felt they had no choice. But they don't go on about it because society doesn't want to hear that. When a girl complains she gets a lot of sympathy, when a boy complains he gets laughed at or ignored.
Sammi-j yep thought of all those things. Well she said yes to him and then went down the next day and told him he best be waiting till she is 16 if she is still interested as she is not ready for a sexual relationship and he would be. I mean what guy that age is going to wait that long? Not a healthy one thats for sure.
She is totally connfusing and she needs to grow up as now she wants to date her ex again, I cant keep up with her!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I KNOWWWWWWWWWW Chloe has had two friends that are in her group that were pregnant!!!!!!!! poor kids, mind you we all have chosen our paths in life ah, perhaps that is one of their missions in learning this time around ha?
My sister started dating a guy when she was 16 and he was 19. She was at school, he was working as a mechanic... he had saved money and was wanting to buy a house etc.
We thought he was mature and nice... and my sister was really mature for her age.
Well... she left school, got a job, and he moved in with her when she was 18... then they bought a house together...She is now 23 and he is almost 27, they broke up 2 weeks ago because he stayed at the maturity level of a 19 year old, and she has grown up, and wants more for her life.
The point I am trying to make is that there has to be a maturity there in both of them for anything to work... I will admit though, my sister wanted to wait until she was older, but ended up losing her virginity to him 4 months after they started dating.
Soul, I am glad your daughter is so mature and open with you and with how she wants her life to be... well done to both of you for having such a loving and honest relationship with each other
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And I hope Paris finds someone like his Dad 
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