Guess I am joining this one a touch early. She may only be 12 - but she may as well be a teenager. The only new thing she can get from turning 13 is the title "Teenager". We have raging hormones, AF, bad tempers, contempt for ALL her younger siblings.

I am lucky in someways because I am not "ruining her life" .... yet. But we cramp her style (She walks several steps behind us) and we "expect her to do everything". Although I tend to think her chores are pretty darned reasonable. She alternates dishes with CJ, cooks once a week (simple meals with us assisting - which is more teacher her to cook - but she loves that one), feed the dog (she wanted it), keep her room clean - oh, and put her washing IN the basket, not on the floor wherever she is when she takes it off. CJ has almost the same chores, with exception of the cooking but he will start that next year, and he takes out the rubbish instead of feeding the dog.

The biggest problem I have right now though is how she treats her siblings, and its driving me to despair. She hasn't spoken to any one of them nicely in months. They just need to be stood in the wrong place at the wrong time to suffer her wrath. CJ and Lyta cop it much worse as she has no qualms with starting out physically - if she thinks DH or I aren't watching. I saw her grab CJ by the hair the other day and yank his head back because he was leaning over the seat and she wanted his attention - and because I saw it, I went off and was naturally unsurprised when she completely denied it. I FREAKING SAW IT! So yeah, there is the blatant lying too - but the 'violence' really has to stop. I mean she is going on about how wonderful it is she is going to have a little sister - but she treats the one she already has like a lump of s**t.

I honestly don't know where she is getting it from. I have only used physical punishment in cases where their actions put themselves or someone else at risk of harm. Then it was just usually a smack on the hand or whatever. Just tying "pain" to "dangerous item/action", basically. It usually doesn't last past 5yo anyway because by then they have pushed every dangerous boundry. She did suffer some horrific bullying at primary - but so did I, and I always figured she would end up the same way I did. I lived it, I am unlikely to want to inflict it. And every time it happens or she just picks on the others I remind her of that. I will admit I have snapped once and said that since she thinks its OK to hit people that are doing something you dont like, then I can start thumping her when she does - which is quite often. I've never acted on it obviously - I am the adult here - but its not fair on the little ones. She gets worse when AF is here, but I would like to find a solution before the new baby crying "annoys her" in the middle of AF!

DH isn't the problem. In her opinion DH is her father/dad - he has earned the title. The other guy is "bio donor". He has been there since she was 4 and sometimes I tend to think that she thinks he is a better Dad than I am a Mum. I cop it far worse when she is having a turn, so near as I can figure - I've done something horribly wrong. *sigh*

I swear, I would prefer anything to this. I would prefer "you are ruining my life" and "I want to live somewhere else". I'd rather be unpacking her bag every week or arguing about whether or not I am a complete ***** for not buying her a mobile phone with a camera. It has to be better than consoling the other kids while she sits there denying being responsible for their new graze or bruise while they are coping with that and wondering who I am going to believe.

Any ideas?