Hi Mags,

I can completely understand where you are coming from. My eldest daughter is 19 and then I have 17yo (girl) 16yo(boy) and 15yo(girl).

I have never hit them, usually a stern word and a look is all that is needed to pull them into line. But...oldest DD has been a nightmare and even if I look back at home video of when she was a tot the evidence was there. It has been so hard to deal with.

All I have done is keep up the talk time with her without arguing which is very hard to do. We have had our explosions but I make sure that I always apologise for speaking badly to her and explain how frustrated she makes me feel. A couple of years ago it got really bad and after a big long chat with her I told her that i thought she needed to get some professional help in the way of counselling because her mood swings and violence towards the kids was just unacceptable. I told her that if there were no change in her behaviour then we would have to work out somewhere else for her to live (suggested grandparents) because I was genuinely worried she was eventually really hurt someone. Over night the physical violence stopped because I think she was worried we were going to send her off and the counselling never happened. To this day she is much better but still plays with thier heads and causes lots of fights and then gets mad if I say the house is more peaceful without her here. There is nothing else I can do. The kids have adjusted and have had to learn to deal with this difficult personality which I figure is good training for life. There is no reason for her behaviour except i think for attention seeking from time to time. I find if we have some girl time regularly she is much better. Don't feel like this is your fault.. you can pick your friends and not your family and some kids are more challenging than others. Despite the difficulties we are close and she shares everything with me (too much sometimes lol). It's just life and unfortunately there are difficult people in the world and they have to belong to a family somewhere. Keep talking and engaged and hopefully it will settle.

Big hug for you cos I know how hard this is