Hello
I faced this delemia on the weekend just gone my 16 year old dd an invite to a supervised alcohol friendly 16th birthday!!! I ended up saying yes to the invite but with 3 rules I drop off i pick up and NO DRINKING we also told her we trust her and if this trust was broken things would change. She went her friends drank got sick and she came home told me how dumb they were and how drinking just causes fights (this is how party ended with police) This time it worked out ok but im dreding the next invite. I think if we drop off and pick up they cant get away with drinking without permission as we could tell. so if they follow a few limits and definatly NO SLEEPOVERS and give us reason to trust them then i think this is a good introduction to partys with alcohol.
ok, you might all hate me here - but i think the parents are being pretty responsible by doing what they're doing. i guess they're looking at NOT being there to supply or allow others to supply alcohol to another child and trying to maintain a degree of control of the situation. the hope would be that, if the kid turns up with alcohol, then the parents know about it. i know that won't ALWAYS be the case - but i'll be upfront and say i've had younger friends (15-18) come to my place and drink - when the parents have said it's ok - if the parents haven't told me directly - there is no way in hell alcohol will pass them lips!!
i was the youngest in my group of friends by about 12 months, so when i was 16 they were all turning 17. my parents allowed me to drink with them, on the proviso i only drank what they supplied - it took me ages to drink a bottle of grog cos there was no "thrill" with sneaking around. my friends, who's parents allowed them a small amount of alcohol, didn't binge drink - the ones that were forbidden were the ones that lied about where they were going, and would get older friends to buy for them - they were the ones that wrote themselves off completely - half the time i'd just stop drinking at all and go home cos they were making idiots of themselves....
i'm not saying that a birthday party invite should be worded the way it is - and lulu i completely understand your concerns and why you're contemplating not letting DD go - i'm just thinking that it is good that the parents are taking a degree of responsibility for what is happening in their home....
If that's what the no-sharing rule means I get it now, although I totally disagree with allowing alcohol at a 16th. It's a girl by the way, so it bothers me even more (am I sexist lol??).
I will ring the parents - only one of DD's other friends are going, so I might even talk to his mum too, it's more than likely I'll be doing the pick up/drop off anyway.
Hhmm, still thinking. I mean you have to give them a chance to earn trust....
She better stop being so snotty though, I feel like I have no idea who she is when she gets like that.
Im probably another one who's going to be shot for her views LOL but oh well here goes... although no one wants their children to drink until they are mature age (if 18 year olds these days are even mature anyway) but seeing as im still young i've seen the current generation and also i know from my generation teenagers REBEL... the more you dont allow something the more curious they get and the more they want to do it especially behind your back. Lots of mothers *think* they know their teenagers and their teenagers make their parents believe that they never do anything their not allowed to. Been down this road with my sister.. she swore black and blue she didnt drink at parties only water.. stupidly my parents believed her.. turns out she was doing acid. Some parents can be really neive. I know from personal experience when your told not to do something your going to do it as a teenager. I've seen it with my own eyes, i was allowed to drink from the age of 14 i would go to parties and cause i wasnt needing to rebel against anything i would quite happily sit and drink a few drinks and enjoy my night and then there were the ones who's parents explicity said NO to drinking who would majorly wipe themselves out be vomitting in the corner, making an arse out of themselves and losing their virginity. And this is at parties even with parent supervision. Either way, you can't wrap your child in cotton wool, they WILL drink with or without your permission, i just think if the trust is there they can do it responsibly and like i said there's alot of 18 year olds who are more immature than 16 year olds. This post isnt meant to offend anyone or start a fight.. just a pov from a younger gneration who knows what teenagers get up to in our era...
I'm just wondering.... do the parents even know that this is what the invite says? It's possible that the invite was entirely the work (and therefore wording) of the soon-to-be 16yo girl!
Don't worry - us oldies also got up to mischief so it's not a recent thing. I was in pubs at 13 - not a lot to do in our town! But I'd only ever have two drinks and thought it was ridiculous when my peers would write themselves off at parties. I don't think it's about age, it's about why people are doing it. I was actually a very responsible drinker pre-18 because I was around friends and didn't need to prove myself. Then when I went to uni with a whole bunch of new people, different story and although it was now legal, I drank STUPIDLY because I was shy and booze was a way to control my nervousness.
Actually, I think it's realistic. Any gathering of 16 year olds is going to end up with people drinking - that's today's society whether we like it or not. I think the parents are accepting that this will happen and enforcing a no sharing rule is a good idea.
Although, I probably wouldn't have put the BYO bit on the invitation. I probably would have simply put no sharing of alcoholic drinks and left it at that.
DH does security (occasionally) for a company that specialises in parties, the kids have their ID checked that the door, the get funky fluro wrist bands to indicate that they are on the guest list, there are strict rules for the consumption of alcohol. This company recommends that all parties are registered with the police.
Now, I have no issues with under-18s drinking, but I do have issues with under-18s being drunk (anyone being drunk tbh), and this would appear to be an "it's OK to be drunk" type of invite.
If there are 5 kids going then the "no sharing" thing may be OK, but to put it on an invite like that... hmm. I don't know, it just seems to be an alcohol party with no other activity. What happened to a weak punch and a sleepover, or a murder mystery game? Or a few songs on the CD player and people dancing and playing swingball in the garden? Can't you tell I went to wild birthday parties at 16 LOL.
At least by putting it on the invite, they have made parents aware that there will be alcohol there - I would feel misled if there was always going to be alcohol there but I had not been informed about it.
I dont agree with it (underage drinking) by the way, and I come from a family where we were allowed to drink (a little) at family occasions, and and family friends' houses/parties since mid high school, so I guess 15 or so for me.
I neber got really hammered but I can remember som of the things I did and comtemplated doing well enought to not want my kids drinking underage IYKWIM.
In fact I think the legal drinking age in Australia should be raised..
Who wrote the invitation? Was it the parent or the 16 year old? If it was the parent Mabe"no sharing" means they will leave the decision of who will be drinking up to the other parents. If it was the 16 year old, I think "no sharing" means I will get my hands on as much alcohol as I can for myself so I'm not sharing as I want to get blind drunk. Why are parents condoning illegal activity anyway? I know that 16 year olds drink, I'm sure I did, but not with the approval of my parents. Whats next, do the kids start pulling out their crack pipes and smoking and Mum and Dad say it's ok because everyone else does it and we like to see what our children are doing. I may be a bit harsh but where are the morals and values here?
Mind you if the cops found out there was alcohol at an underage party the parents & the host would be fined because they are the organisers of the party.
Yeah, we have always told our teen not to share or leave drinks unattended - not that she's a teen now, but she was always frank about what she was going to drink/take and we would warn her appropriately.
from the teenagers perspective, when i was 15/16 i used to have a drink with my parents on the weekends (sometimes with my best friend over, we would have a great time with them!) and when all the 16th birthdays came around, they always bought me 4 cans to take (i never finished all four) i was happy, they were happy. i never got drunk and did stupid things, the main reason being.. i didnt want to make a fool of myself in front of mum and dad! i never wanted them to get a phone call saying 'Rach needs to be picked up.... blah blah'
i've always been really close with them(and still am), maybe thats why, i hope i have the same relationship with Krystal when she's older..
but then again, being the parent is different than being the teenager!!
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