Feelings unknown re: TTC after 2 miscarriages

[mummytobeinnovember]

Hi,

I had a miscarriage in January and again in April of this year. The first time I had a natural miscarriage at 5wks and the second time I had to go and get a D&C when I was 9wks along as the baby's heartbeat had stopped.

Those days were dark and lonely, but in the last couple of months I've since got my period, I've had a number of tests and all have come back fine, and I'm feeling good physically and better emotionally.

I wanted for so long to get to this point so I could TTC as quickly as possible but now that I'm here I'm just not sure... I just don't know if I want to put my husband and I through the emotional upheaval again of fallling pregnant and the risk of losing a 3rd time.

I'm generally a positive person and am hopeful that all will turn out wonderfully once we do decide to start trying again but wondered if anyone else had felt so unsure about getting back on the bike as it were? All my friends that have miscarried have been desperate to start trying again but if anything I'm feeling the opposite.

[bettyboop]

i am so sorry to hear of your losses, sending you a big hug, just give yourself some time , you might fell abit differant in afew months, when i had 3 losses i waited afew months and then decided one more go, i am so pleased that i did. just take one day at a time.

[bec83]

Hey! I know exactly how you feel, i had a m/c in Jan 07, then again in Dec 07 and DH is anxious to start ttc as soon as we can (just waiting to be in the same country, he's been away since just before we lost the baby). I have been thru a million ups and downs, from being flat out against trying again, to being frustrated that we cant be trying right now! It has taken me quite some time to come to terms with it all and get to a point where i think i know how i feel!
DH hasnt had this problem and it has caused some disagreements, because he wants to try as soon as we can, and gets frustrated with my 'negative' thinking...I am absolutley petrified of having a 3rd m/c and honestly dont know how i could even begin to cope with it if it happened. Some days this outweighed my desire to become a mum and i was dead set against trying. In the last month or so tho I have come to a better place, so to speak, and have now accepted that DH and I really do want to become parents, and part of that is accepting that we can only do so much. i also found writing down, not for anyon else, but for me, what i was scared and angry about to bring it all to the fore and be dealt with.
Im now ready to start ttc when DH gets home (next week, yay!) and will do everything i have to do to have a successful pg and get our precious little miracle. I really found that writing out, completely honestly, was a huge help for me to decide if i could try again or not, and now. I think i was lying to myself at times about my fears and insecurities, and i just forced it all out. Felt a lot better getting my fears outside of me, if that makes sense, kind of like letting them go...
Anyway, sorry about the novel, but i know what ur going thru, and i know how hard it is... Good luck with ur decision anyway

[AJC]

mummytobeinnovember - I'm sorry to hear about your losses. It is a very difficult decision and when you ttc again you take the risk that it 'could' happen again. It's very scary. After my second m/c in Sep last year Ob suggested that we take some 'time off' and do some tests so DH & I also used that time to recover emotionally. We ended up having 5 months off - we went on a little holiday and just spend lots of nice time together doing lots of things that we used to do before we started ttc. Ob did heaps and heaps of tests (all which came back saying I'm 'normal'). During the break it was so great to wake up each morn and not take my temp - or not worry about when I'm going to O. By the time we started ttc again I was nervous but excited also. As it turns out we fell pg 3 months later and so far so good with this pg. I am glad that we took the time to heal emotionally because I would never want our relationship to suffer for any reason. I also used the time to focus on eating well and exercising which made me feel good about myself and restored a little faith in my body. If you are not ready to ttc again yet then that's fine, I think it is good because it shows you want to do everything for the right reason not just because 'that's what comes next' if that makes sense.

Good luck and I'm sure you'll do what is best for you and everything will fall into place one day.

[LisaL]

mummytobe.. sweety, hugs to you, and its very normal to go through the rollercoaster of emotions, one of the main emotions is fear. I know I was very scared (after 1.5yrs of ttc, an ecoptic pg, loss of tube and a natural m/c), but I pushed past all of that and somehow through the fear, I became fearless and now Im a mummy to my very own earth angel. So take it day by day, and eventually your heart will tell you when its time.

[mummytobeinnovember]

Thanks Ladies! My husband took me away on an island getaway for some downtime together, lots of r&r it was wonderful, and have been keeping busy doing some home improvements, I've even been seeing a personal trainer to try and get back into some kind of fitness routine, am feeling like i am in a much better space mentally and physically than a couple of months ago.

We will wait at least one more cycle and then will play it by ear, I am very scared about going back to the emotional rollercoaster that is pregnancy but we most definitely want to be parents so hopefully those feellings will come back in time when I'm ready. This time we've decided not to use OPKs or preseed but leave it up to the Gods and hope for the best.

[bec83]

That sounds like a fabulous plan mummtobe! I think it takes so much pressure off when u dont chart and opk and all that...We're doing the same thing, we call it not not trying!

I am sure that when ur ready, and ur body is ready, you will feel those feelings again. Take the time you need so u can be in the best space u can be to be ready for your bubby!

[satya]

The chances of you having 3 m/c's in a row are very slim. I've had 3 but 1 was ten years ago with a different partner. I had two last year with my new DF and both losses were very early. I went through a stack of testing (including genetic) but nothing except a fibroid was found. I was told my only hope was IVF.

I wasn't officially trying when this pregnancy occurred, we just weren't careful. I thought a m/c would be imminent but it wasn't. At my age I have a 50% chance of m/c with each pregnancy but this one stuck. You will know when you are ready again, or you may be like me and just be a little less careful with contraception to just let nature take its course.

Remember that there are pregnancy after m/c and loss threads on here to give you the much needed support you need to get through a pregnancy after what you've been through, make sure you make use of them later on.