Sophia, grief is like that for some people and your loss is still so recent, you need time to come to terms with it and the other losses you have had.

If you don't want to use antidepressants, can I urge you to seek counselling instead? Find one who is experienced in helping people like yourself with similar infant losses as that may be beneficial. Perhaps some support groups might be able to help too.

Don't get me wrong ... antidepressants definitely have their place and they can help with the chemical causes of depression but I also think counselling is important too. Sometimes people use both and find that that helps them. Have another chat to your doctor and see if they have any suggestions.