SOrry for your loss hun, I know how difficult things can be.

Sweets its only been 2 months since your little girl passed. Both of you are going through a whole range of different emotions and Men do feel things very differently than us women.

I know you have said you have talked about your feelings but (going by your post only) there is no mention that you have talked to him about how he feels. He sounds very lost to me and it seems like he doesn't know how to deal with what he is going through. Clearly he is in need of reassurance from you that he still means the world to you. Unfortunately for most men their needs are more physical.

I am not suggesting that you rush into bed with him but perhaps spending some time with him sitting on the couch stroking his hair or giving his feet a rub - anything that you can physically do to show him that you love him. Tell him often too. Maybe gently probe him into discussing his feelings and make it all about him. If he gets angry you may find that its because he feels embarrassed or confused. Suggest gently that if he doesn't want to talk to you then to maybe spend a night away from home with a good/ trusted mate that he can talk to and have a couple of pints with.


DH and I went through some very difficult patches after we lost our little girl, I felt physically repulsive and hated myself. DH felt very very lost and unloved and felt like I was the only person who was getting support. He rarely wanted to talk about things BUT was very attentive when I needed someone.

We had a massive blow up just on NYE, he just couldn't cope anymore always being the one helping and offering support but was never getting anything back from me. Because I never saw him breaking down, because he never talked about how he felt I thought he was doing ok. We spent about a week going through everything he needed to and we have never been stronger as a couple.

Again its very difficult to go through the loss of a baby, there is no right or wrong way of dealing with the HUGE range of emotions that follow for many months and years. BUT I assure you that there is hope providing that you both work together. You both need to accept that you will heal at different rates, you both will go through the grieving process at different rates. Once you have that level of acceptance it really does help if you or he are having a bad day.

Remember also that the focus of a loss really does shift more to the mum's (or so I have found with our loss) and the dads can be forgotten about too. But they need just as many cuddles and opportunities to release as we do.

I hope this helps somewhat, I just know from my personal experience that DH needed reassurance as much as I did that I still loved him and that I didn't blame him. We didn't DTD for quite a number of months but we did spend a lot of time just hugging and touching (foot rubs etc) because he needed that physical reassurance just as I needed the emotional reassurance.

Take good care of yourself and your man.

Luv Nae x