Jen - What a lovely post, it was like reading my own thoughts. I have to say BB has helped me so much just by supporting and helping all you lovely ladies as much as I can. It certainly takes the focus of my problems and stops me feeling sorry for myself. Plus as much as I wish none of us had to go through this it is nice to know we are not alone.

HannahD - Big first of all. Sorry to hear about your brother, I hope he also gets the help he needs and you can someday help each other. I can certainly relate to your story as my brother also suffered from depression and anxiety (I was diagnosed a few years after him so he had time to deal with it and I found him a great help). It also helped me to know that I wasn't alone or 'crazy' in how I was feeling and it does happen to other people. It's like when you suffer a m/c you don't realise just how many other people are going through it. I think depression is very much the same and quite a taboo subject (although it is getting better) so it is not talked about so much and people are so great at hiding it. I know I was.

Only you can decide whether or not to go on the medications but the Dr told me the meds he put me on (I was on them for about 3 or 4 months) would not have harmed the baby as long as I stopped taking them as soon as I found out I was pregnant. He didn't think I would need them then as he thinks my anxiety stemmed from the m/c and not being able to fall pregnant again. He just thought by taking them it might help me relax and it may just happen. Well, it didn't happen and I ended up stopping them after a few months as I found myself worrying about talking them while TTC. I think the only thing that has really helped me is finding out the answers.

It is such a hard decision and everyone is different but I think you should sit down with DH and have a nice long talk about it and decide together. Talk to your Dr, there may be medications you can take which are safer than others, or even herbal alternatives? I am lucky in the fact that I seem to be able to give up the meds quite easily without any side effects, not everyone can and you have to be very careful.

I hope I haven't confused you more, I guess I am just saying only you can know what is right for you at this time. Just the fact that you are concerned about taking meds and are trying to get through it without them proves that you will be a wonderful mother so with whatever you decide know that that is never, ever in question. It may be you just need to be on them for a short amount of time to help you out of this black hole.

After what I have just been through I also have to ask, did you have a D&C when you had a m/c? I am asking everyone because my specialist told me it is very common for your tubes to become blocked after a m/c and if you didn't have a D&C then your tubes would not be flushed and you would never know. I thought it may have been a long shot but it makes perfect sense and I am living proof.

Now, as for pampering yourself I think that is a wonderful idea! Retail therapy always helps but a day at the spa to have a massage and facial would be lovely and relaxing and just what the Dr ordered I bet. Pity we all didn't live in Adelaide so we could all catch up for coffee and a huge slice of cake. Would love to be there in person to give you a hug and let you know everything will be ok but I will send a cyber hug for now.

Hope we have all helped you in some way. I really feel for you as I know how it feels to be in a dark hole you feel like you will never emerge from, but you will. It will take time but I know you will come through this and we will be here to help all we can.

Ok, will be back later for some more persies!