Trying to conceive after Miscarriage or Loss May 2009

[kiwi_gal]

thank you Anila, and i really hope your sticky vibe will stay with me for our next round of ttc when our doctor gave us the all clear

smallflyplus, thank you so much for the warm welcome....im so sorry for your loss too and my heartbreak when i found out about our ectopic pregnancy was so overwhelming and i dont wish that upon anyone...recovering after surgery was not easy either (im healing slowly) i hope we can stay strong together and lets hope the sticky vibes that i feel around here will stay with us

i already feel that this group is so friendly and suportive, im so glad yo have found this place

[Sunny Love]

Hi ladies!
Big thumbs up to all those who got their wish this time round. Pats on the back to those still trying and bigs hugs to those who've just lost. My heart breaks for all of you.

AFM: Im here. Im clucky as hell but not counting days or wating anything this time. Its been too consuming and I need to step back. Hopefully we'll get our dream too, but until then its still a dream.

Love to u all.

[coco1411]

I have been in the foulest mood for like..5 days now and I am not liking it.. I think the root of the problem is my mother. We have never had a good relationship, not for lack of trying on my behalf. She is a lying, manipulating, kiniving woman. She kicked me out of home at 16 and I was homeless, just so she could save a efew dollars, but she tells ppl & me that I didnt adhere to the house rules...I kinda dont know why she keeps saying that..she doesnt follow it up with an example even.

Anyway, she has been so obsessive with this baby stuff. She is always asking where i am in my cycle, not in a good way, how it is going and she always "has a good feeling" and she is always obsessing over it!!!

When I got my bfp I called her and my brother left the phone with her while she was talking with her neighbour, and I hear her talking about Ice and trying it and I hung up on her. She didnt know I had heard and then when she called me back she defended it saying no I was tlaking about pot and I said "oh, like thats any better!" and I told her I know what i heard and then told her about the bfp but she just ruined it for me...

When I started bleeding she just kept saying it was normal..

When I miscarried her first response was "Im too upset to talk..I have to go" and she hung up on me. Later she said she feels like she lost her baby.

Last night my sister called and told me of a conversation she had with mum yesterday.. it went like this: this is what my sister typed to me....

"She told me I'm pregnant (I'm abit chubby) then said I will get pregnant before you, then she started saying "maybe mel cant have kids for a reason, maybe she shouldnt be trying, maybe its destiny for her not to have kids", I had my WTF??? face on, then she said "you can be her surrogate mother" and she explained it all to me. You know, insemination ... I just said if worse comes to worse and worser gets worser then I will be surrogate, but at the moment they are still trying and it will still happen!!!!
Also i want my fiorst pregnancy to be my own little chram. (chris and sam)
Sorry, had to explain, mel you have every right to be angry, I feel bad for maiking you angry though but you needed to know, she doesnt get away with *****ing behind your back, not while I'm around"

There is so much more history with my mother, including she keeps trying to commit suicide by trying to OD on whatever medication she has, and 2 months before our wedding she tried it, and a week before our wedding she tried it again..the way i knew about that one was we were having our wedding rehearsal with the cleebrant and she wasnt there and I she called me and I said "why arent you here? We're late?" and she said "can you pick me up, Im in hospital" I knew what she had done and I said "hey, its our wedding rehearsal" and she still expected me to leave and pick her up!!! I said to her and I dont regret this "next time you try, do it properly."

I REALLY need to just cut her out of my life. This last thing with my sister and telling her I cant have kids is the last draw.

When we do have kids I dont trust her with them. I dont trust that she would not smoke near the baby or anything else...I think she would even possibly go so far as to steal the baby..no im not being dramatic..I think she wants us to have a baby as bad as we do but she wants it to make up for screwing up our lives..

Has anyone else had issues with their mother ( or any family member) like this? If so, can you pass on advice?

[LittleOnes]

coco - I'm speechless. I've had run-ins with my mother but not to that extent. When she left my dad she wanted me to go live with her because I was under 16 and it meant she'd get a single parent pension. I didn't stay long.

You are probably right, she probably does feel guilty about what she did to you and your siblings. And I think that not trusting her with your baby when it arrives is a wise decision. It sounds like she is not the kind of person you can reason with as she is living in her own reality - my mother does too.

I see you have tried to distance yourself from her. Perhaps next time you get pg, don't tell her. Don't contact her. Let her be upset about it when she finds out from someone else and let her come and apologise (can't say I expect that would happen), maybe that will get through to her that you're really hurt by her behaviour and don't want to be involved with it in future.

Wish you luck with her but I reckon reduce contact to reduce your stress. And, if that doesn't work, just come on here and rant about it because getting it out of your system is always a good thing to reduce stress! I'm thinking I'll start blogging to help out there, maybe it would for you? When I write it always calms me down...

[poppy84]

Anila, I know exactley how you feel when you say you're scared to get pregnant.

I felt like this for so long as I had 2 losses within 3 months and even though I really really want a child and want to be pregnant I just couldn't bring myself to BD with DH as I was sooo petrified that it would happen again and I knew if it did I would never be able to deal with it at that point in time. It has taken me a good 6 months to be in the right frame of mind to TTC again, but everyone is different and I had some other things going on in my life at the time.

Take your time and don't rush it. My doctor told me that because I was sooo worried about being pregnant and really freaked out that could actually prevent me from getting pregnant! Not sure if that's true but think she wanted to relax me.

[Greenslw]

Hi Ladies.
I got my Blood test results and they also checked my progesterone absorption (maybe that was the issue last time) wich was also good. So it's BFP for real

DP was much more excited after the Blood test and wants to tell everyone but I said "no" I want to get through this week first. I know it's a different time round but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit nervous.

Anila possitive vibes coming your way

Welcom Kiwi

oh coco I am so sad that your mum is the way she is. Sometimes mothers have a way of making life Sugar Honey Ice Tea. Maybe a break from her is a good thing. Afterall she is an adult and has to be held accountable for her actions. My mum is an alcaholic and when I was living with her earlier this year waiting for my house to be free I almost had a break down She'd say all kind of nasty things to me and then not remember it in the morning. This is why I left at 17. I apreciated her letting us stay but the treatment wasn't worth it. I must admit she is better now (I think her GP may have given her a wake up) but she can still break me with one coment.

Sorry to hear about your loss Mel

Milly I can't believe the "kid" question there should be a add campaign, about feelings and children some people just need to be hit with a big toy mallet. Ranting is good for the soal.

Goodluck Grake

ferrals hope today the sun is shining your way

Cherished you and I are in the same space my est due date is 28/1/10. Just after my Birthday and before DP. But I'm thinking it will be late (I was) so hopefully before DP's I don't want 2 B'days on the same day. How bout you?

Hope you are all having a great day. Thank you all so much for all your well wishes.

[Sunbeam]

Hi Girls,
Hi to Kiwi_gal and Grake so sorry to hear what you have been through recently but you are in the right place here for loving support. I am definitely one for TTC again straight away as we are supposed to be more fertile in the months following a m/c. Good luck girls.

Coco1411-I have major mother issues too. I won?t go into all the details except to say when I told her about the first miscarriage she said ?don?t tell me next time till you?re 4 months pregnant!? Very f@#&ing supportive. My advice is counselling, I?ve done loads of it and finally feel that I have emotionally separated myself from her. Nothing she says or does now can get in because she means nothing to me she is simply the woman my dad lives with. It's hard and horrible but it's a grieving process to come to terms with the fact that we do not have the mother we long for.

Quick question for all the girls that use OPKs. Do you find that the lines get darker the closer you get to ov or are they just virtually invisible until you get a positive one? I only used them 2 days before I go pregnant last time so bit clueless as to what to expect.

My temp dropped and feeling ov pains but no cm and going to do OPK again this afternoon. Not sure if temp drop was because of getting up an hour earlier. I'm at day 30 past D/C but think it was maybe 2 weeks before my cycle kicked back in so wouldn't be due to ov for about 5-7 days or more. Usually ov day 17-23.

[Sunbeam]

Hi Girls,
Hi to Kiwi_gal and Grake so sorry to hear what you have been through recently but you are in the right place here for loving support. I am definitely one for TTC again straight away as we are supposed to be more fertile in the months following a m/c. Good luck girls.

coco1411-I have major mother issues too. I won't go into all the details except to say when I told her about the first miscarriage she said "don?t tell me next time till you?re 4 months pregnant!" Very f@#&ing supportive. My advice is counselling I've done loads of it and finally feel that I have emotionally separated myself from her. Nothing she says or does now can get in because she means nothing to me she is simply the woman my dad lives with. It's hard and horrible but it's a grieving process to come to terms with the fact that we do not have the mother we long for.

Quick question for all the girls that use OPKs. Do you find that the lines get darker the closer you get to ov or are they just virtually invisible until you get a positive one? I only used them 2 days before I go pregnant last time so bit clueless as to what to expect.

My temp dropped and feeling ov pains but no cm and going to do OPK again this afternoon. Not sure if temp drop was because of getting up an hour earlier.

[Sunbeam]

Sorry for the two posts the same. The site said I had done the verification wrong so I did it again and both came out!?!

[Sunny Love]

[Cherished and Greenslw

WELL DONE FOR THOSE BEAUTIFUL BFP'S!

Make sure u keep the rest of us here up-to-date on EVERYTHING!
Oh, I hope it my turn next!

[LittleOnes]

Hey Sunbeam, that's a change from having them not show up at all! Perhaps the moderators feel guilty about your missing posts from the other day!?! lol Wouldn't be surprised if temp drop was due to different time. I've just started temping and am realising that I have to be a whole lot more consistent with the time I take temp because it changes dramatically if I take it later.

greenslw - this one will stick. It just has to! But I can certainly understand the fear aspect. Glad DH is happier about it now. Men need evidence. Scientific evidence. They're weird like that.

Hope today is sunny and happy for you all

[coco1411]

Sunbeam

Sorry to hear about your mum, what is it with these women!!! Mine gets the wake up call but she plays on it and does the whole "woe-is-me" thing and tries for the sympathy vote and guilt trips..
Anyway...

My Opk does get darker..like yesterday i had to squint to see a line, but today its darker so im expecting a positive over the next few days.

I am enjoying some bbq chicken, baby spinach & caesar sandwiches..OM NOM NOM!!

[Mel1979]

Coco - Not quite sure what to say about your mum. That must be awful to have to go through things like that. TTC is stressful enough without family problems adding to it. I can't really offer you any advice as I have a close relationship with my mum and even my MIL is fantastic (not many people can say that so I do realise how lucky I am). If I was in your shoes though I think I would take a step back and try and distance myself a little as having to deal with that behaviour must be taking it's toll. You need to look after yourself especially when you get your BFP. Hopefully you have support from your DH's parents.

I just noticed on your ticker that you have last month of trying? Are you having a break? I don't blame you if you are, it can be so hard to keep going sometimes. I thought I would want a break after our 2nd loss but as soon as I had the D&C all I wanted was to be pg again. We are still going to wait one cycle until I get a proper AF. Just hope it doesn't take very long!

[Sunbeam]

Thanks coco and smallfryplus. I just did OPK and it is a bit darker than yesterday. Guess I'll get through a lot of these things not knowing where in my cycle I am since the m/c. I'm really hoping I ov because my first 2 cycles after my first m/c I didn't which would mean 3 months of waiting if it went the same this time. Hopefully all my new supplements and herbs will sort that out as I'm not keep to go back to clomid since FS now wants me on 100mg a day and the risk of twins would have to be up there. Twins are very cute but by myself think I'd go insane

[Cherished]

Hi girls

Thanks Sunny, my little ray of sunshine

Coco that is just horrible! perhaps distance yourself... People say you can't choose your family but I do! ANYONE who is toxic in my life get's the flick!!! HTH's in some way

Greenslw my EDD is Jan 30th, both dh & I are Oct babies :P I'm happy this one will be a little aquarius NOT THAT IT MATTERS!!! hehehhehe

Hello everyone else

AFM I'm pretty down today: I'm feeling like noone really cares about me and that I dont' have any friends I'm a bit of one for big highs and big lows although the lows don't last long they are pretty lonley when I am in one.... Then I feel even worse becasue I am pregnant and very happy about that.... *sigh* perhpas it's just hormones

[LittleOnes]

cherished - sounds like those beautiful pg hormones have kicked in big time! hope you're feeling better soon.

sunbeam hope you get it this month and don't have to wait again. I hated not knowing what my body was doing after mc. Just never occurred to me to go get opk!! I'm a bit dense I suspect. Thankfully I went back into a completely normal cycle so if I hadn't known I was preg, I would never have known I had mc.

... "Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way
When you're in love to stay."
Lesley Gore

[coco1411]

Heyyyyy ladies!

I have found a fun new use for my Maybe Baby seeing as it is crap at doing the job we paid it to do..

Put your DH's ermm..how do I say this...juices? on there! and look at his sperm!!!

Its AWESOME!!! Its like watching sea monkeys!! I LOVE IT!

PS in case you're wondering...my dh just came home for "lunch"

It was only a tiny bit of "stuff" but there were like thouuuusands!!!! WOO!!!

[Cherished]

OMG I am so selfish I can't believe I posted in this thread that I am so down today especially when you all have so much reason to be down and than I come in here and complain about being down when I am pregnant! the only excuse I have is hormones so thanks Smallfry and girls I am soooo SORRY for beinig a crazy lady !

Coco that sounds awsome I wish I had one!